The Target
by Kuroi Uma
Summary: Dorothy Catalonia's got her eyes set on young rich bachelor Quatre Raberba Winner, but the presence of her long-time rival, Relena Peacecraft, has been hindering her plans. Dorothy hires an assassin to eliminate the competition. An AU story in snippets.
1. Tea Party

**The Target**

_**I. Tea Party**_

* * *

1\. Prattle

Dorothy smiled politely. Why did her mother have to drag her to those boring tea parties? She had spent the better part of the last two hours listening to the chatter of old hags and their spoilt offspring, when she could have been home, planning the best way to get into the pants of the current most wanted bachelor and fortune heir, Quatre Raberba Winner.

Across the room she spotted, suddenly, the last person she wanted to see… Her top one rival, Relena Peacecraft. Always pretending to be so nice and naïve, so good and just. She made Dorothy sick.

* * *

2\. Polemic

"It was my daughter who designed that dress!" an elderly lady said clearly insulted. Dorothy's eyes ran over Relena's attire one more – painful – time.

"So? I still think it's hideous." She informed. "_Everyone_ knows Miss Relena has awful taste. She dresses either like she's eighty or five." As her rival approached, she added: "I wished she would dress her age for once."

"How very nice of you to worry about my appearance, Dorothy."

"Relena is always so mature." A woman behind them whispered.

"So lady-like." Another agreed.

None of them could see, Dorothy reasoned, the evil gleam in Relena's eyes.

* * *

3\. Besmirch

"Why, _Miss _Relena, haven't brought your boy toy today? Or have you already dumped him for a new model?"

"What boy toy?" Sylvia Noventa decided suddenly to join them as whispers ran across the room. "You haven't told me anything, 'Lena."

"That's because there _is _no boy toy, Sylvia." Relena managed to maintain her composure to Dorothy's utter chagrin. The evil gleam never left though.

"What about that guy you dragged after you into the rose garden at your brother's engagement party? Was he too quick or too bad?"

"Is it _me_ you're talking about, Dorothy, or is it _yourself_?"

* * *

4\. Mollify

Dorothy's eyes narrowed. Relena sighed.

"Is this about Quatre?" she asked, sighing again when she received no answer. "I've already told you… We are just friends."

"Are you now?" Dorothy raised a sceptical eyebrow. "Does he know that?"

"What? Of course, he does!" Relena sounded outraged. "What are you insinuating?"

"Insinuating? Me? Oh, nothing, of course." She splayed her hand above her heart in a perfect display of undeniable innocence.

"Is that so? Well, then… Why don't we have some tea while we wait for him? And then we can have a nice _mature _conversation."

"He's coming?!"

"You didn't know?"

* * *

5\. Nascent

From across the table, Dorothy watched Quatre and Relena giggle as if she wasn't there. She could feel her perfectly trimmed eyebrow twitch even as she forced out a smile. It wouldn't do for Quatre to think she was anything but joyous around him, especially with Relena poisoning their nascent feelings for each other every chance she got. If she watched closely, Dorothy thought she could see the pink princess' forked tongue flicker against the young man's earlobe. She was a wolf in sheep's clothing, a real succubus. Poor Quatre was too innocent, too naïve and pure to see it.

* * *

6\. Nostrum

"A cuppa can cure all ailments…" commented the old lady who had joined them.

Uninvited.

And just when Dorothy had been about to pour a little purgative into Relena's cup… She had waited a lifetime for the opportunity to present itself!

"Indeed it can." Quatre smiled his brightest smile.

Yes, clueless old ladies were _the highlight _of those tea parties. Dorothy made sure to give the woman her nastiest get-lost glare when no one was looking. She didn't notice. Of course. Relena seemed to be enjoying herself quite a lot.

"More tea, Dorothy?" she smiled devilishly. "It's a real nostrum."

* * *

7\. Maudlin

Tired of being ignored, Dorothy bid farewell and headed to her car. Never mind her mother. She was going home to devise a new strategy before it was too late. So far she had been quite nice to Relena, trying to get her out of the picture without mauling her… Too much. Yes, she was being oversentimental. _This_ time she was going to find a more permanent solution.

"Sylvia!" she spotted the blonde at the other side of the parking lot. "Remember the name of that guy who accidentally shot your grandfather?"

It had been no accident… So they said.

* * *

**Author's Notes: **I wanted to do something completely different and since I had this idea just waiting to be put to paper... Well, this will be written in 100 word snippets based on random words (provided by thefreedictionary - authors' best friend). It's a new kind of challenge for me and writting practice too. I'll be writting them daily and posting them weekly (on Tuesdays at least for now). Let's just see how that goes. Thanks for reading!


	2. Business Meeting

**_II. _****_Business Meeting_**

* * *

8\. Laggard

First Dorothy crossed her legs, then her arms, then she leaned back on the booth, giving him her haughtiest look, which wasn't hard since it was clear how superior she was to everyone else. From the tips of her toes to her perfect blonde hair. Now, _that_ guy was the only one whose hair rivalled her own and he just _had _to be her most reliable contact. Damn him.

"You're late, Duo Maxwell." She informed him.

"My bad." He smiled sheepishly. His alarm clock had died a horrid death…under his fist. So he'd been late.

He sat. "What d'ya need?"

* * *

9\. Languid

"I need you to locate someone."

"Locate?" he gave an exasperated sigh, sliding further down his seat.

"What?" Dorothy demanded, irritated at his exhausted face.

"I thought you'd want something easy and fun… Like hacking into someone's email account and stealing compromising pictures." He mumbled.

"We've already done that. Relena only has teddy bear pictures."

"Yeah, I remember that…" Duo drawled lazily. "Most disappointing pictures _ever_."

"So?" her eyebrow twitched.

"So what?"

"Will you do it?"

"Do what?" he yawned, displaying a perfect set of pearly white teeth.

Dorothy clenched her own pearly whites. "Locate…the…guy…" she growled.

"Tch… Why not?"

* * *

10\. Clemency

"I do not appreciate being mocked." Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"I'm not mocking you!" Duo waved his hands frantically in front of him. "I swear!"

"I do not believe you… But! I happen to be feeling merciful today so I won't have you killed. Yet."

"So…" he hurriedly changed the subject. "Who's the guy?"

"He's a supposed assassin…"

"Whoa! Things are looking up at last." The daredevil rubbed his hands together.

"Goes by the name of Heero Yuy."

"Wha'?!" he jumped so high he nearly fell off his seat. "You said you were _not _going to have me killed yet!"

* * *

11\. Blandishment

"No."

"Why not?!" Dorothy stood up.

"Don't you know? That guy's not just a _supposed _assassin… He's like…the _top_ one."

"Then that's all the better. It'll be easy for him." She settled back down.

"I want _nothing _to do with him."

"But you are the only one I can count on!" Dorothy batted her long eyelashes.

"I'm just a hacker and occasional mediator. _Occasional_."

"You are the best hacker _and _the most eloquent mediator. Oh, please, Duo, you _must_ accompany me! Without you I am but a defenceless young maiden!" she blinked away fake tears.

"You? Defenceless? Maiden? Yeah, right…"

* * *

12\. Petulant

Fed up with her cheap acting, Duo crossed his arms and looked down on her like a real boss. "Fine. I'll find the guy and schedule a meeting, but that'll cost ya' twice the usual. Thrice, if you want me to accompany you to it."

Dorothy's mouth curled in distaste. To think she had to abide to the wishes of such scum. "Whatever." She waved her hand.

"And I'll also require a badass black outfit to intimidate the rascal, a faster pistol, new throwing knives, mean looking shades and a bullet proof vest."

"Will that be all?" her eyebrow twitched.

* * *

13\. Antecedent

Agreement reached, they were finally able to enjoy their meals, except Duo's curiosity, which kept poking him with a fork… A very sharp fork. "How did you come upon this guy anyways?

"He shot Sylvia's grandfather."

"Uh… Nice." He didn't sound impressed.

"Do you know anyone else he's… You know…_dis_patched?" Dorothy sounded _morbidly _interested.

"You mean 'did'… I mean… I could not _know_ someone _after_ their dead…" he reasoned.

"Spit it, Maxwell." Her eyes narrowed.

Duo gave a nervous laugh. "You know that Heero Yuy guy? The organized crime big boss? I heard he offed him _and _stole his name."

* * *

14\. Temerity

"Are you…cops?" the elderly waitress asked in a whisper.

Dorothy threw Duo a nasty glance. He pouted. Why was it always _his _fault? "Because your big mouth is known worldwide." A voice inside his head said matter-of-factly.

"Can you keep a secret?" he whispered, shielding his lips with his hand.

"Please," Dorothy cut in, waving a hand. "don't mind my cousin… He _does_ believe he's a cop."

"Oh! It's alright, dear. I've a grandson with special needs too. I understand." She smiled and waved goodbye.

"What was _that _all about?" Duo turned back to her, but Dorothy was already gone.

* * *

**A.N.: **The business meeting was supposed to be Dorothy and Heero's, but Duo just had to show up... Drat.


	3. Negotiations

**_III. _****_Negotiations_**

* * *

15\. Affront

Heero had had many a weird client throughout the years, but _this – _he mused – this was just too much. The guy (all dressed in black _and_ wearing sunglasses) sat on his couch as if he owned the place and yet there was a Kevlar underneath his shirt. A clear sign of wariness. The woman, obviously a born socialite and professional snob – something he was more used to – stared at him like he was a piece of meat. At least the man had the sense to show some sort of fear. Heero _was _the best after all… What was she? Retarded?

* * *

16\. Captious

"So… You kill people." The woman broke the silence.

"Usually. Yes."

"How many people have you killed?"

"I'm not keeping track." He lied. It was really none of her business.

"Did you really kill _the _Heero Yuy _and _steal his name?"

"That was a slob's work. A professional kills with a single shot, leaving as clean a scene as possible unless the client requests otherwise. The name is a mere coincidence."

"Hm…" she continued to scrutinize him until her lips curled maliciously. "So… Is killing really _all_ you do?"

Her companion's jaw fell, glasses suddenly askew. "Fuck."

"Indeed." She agreed.

* * *

17\. Baneful

One look at Heero's blank face and Duo knew they were doomed. Kevlar and weaponry notwithstanding. In fact, he was wondering why he had asked for the vest at all when the target was actually painted in the middle of his gorgeous forehead.

"Are you out of your mind?!" he hissed at Dorothy.

"What?" she feigned confusion, then turned back to the assassin, leering. "He has such wild looks…"

Heero raised an eyebrow.

"What about Winner?"

Dorothy sighed and rolled her eyes, exasperated. "When did _you _become such a killjoy?"

"The moment I became a life saviour." He explained imperiously.

* * *

18\. Apropos

Heero wondered just how much he needed the job… The market for assassination had been rather slow lately. For the sake of his bank account then, he decided to ignore the fact that the woman had insinuated he was a gigolo and let the pair crawl out of their hole.

"Please, don't be mad, Mr. Killer." The man chuckled nervously and showed him a photo. "_That's_ your target."

Heero's eyebrow rose…slowly. "She has…horns and a goatee."

The lady burst into a fit of giggles. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

"Dorothy, you're _embarrassing_ me… _Me_." Her companion pointed at his own chest.

* * *

19\. Apprise

"Her name's Relena Peacecraft." The blonde finally got down to business.

"Hn."

"Don't you know her?"

"Should I?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Her family runs one of the most successful charity programs in the ESUN." She explained stupefied.

"Charity holds no interest to me." Heero crossed his arms. "Is there something relevant I should know? Bodyguards? Home security? Places she frequents?"

"Huh… No. Probably. She's a law student at Darlian University. Frequents the country club. Here's her home address."

He glanced at the note she laid on the coffee table. It looked way too easy… "I do not kill princesses."

* * *

20\. Sanguine

"Relena Peacecraft is no princess. She's a vixen in disguise." The blonde saw it fit to inform him, her expression darkening.

Heero sniffed, but they did not smell like cops… The woman seemed genuinely pissed. Maybe it wasn't a trap after all… He raised an interested eyebrow.

"Relena Peacecraft is the sole inch standing between me and a jar full of the sweetest most delicious cookies and none – none – of the stools I've climbed on have helped me reach past her."

Her companion sniggered. Heero did not blame him.

"Innocents cost double the usual fee."

"Relena Peacecraft is _not _innocent."

* * *

21\. Amatory

They glared at each other for three full minutes. Duo guessed it was a contest of sorts. Dorothy caved in. "I'll pay whatever it takes." She assured, and then – as he started to feel relief at the imminent end of negotiations – her long eyelashes fluttered. "Do you accept any…physical sort of payment?"

Duo smacked his forehead. She just wouldn't let it go. Heero looked like he was repressing a sigh. "No worries, Mr. Killer. I'll make sure she pays you all in cash."

"Hn." Heero nodded, apparently satisfied.

"I was joking!" she huffed. "You really are a killjoy, Maxwell. Really."

* * *

**A.N.: **Ahem! Tough words this week... I am so glad that people are actually liking this story. I didn't really think the format would be appreciated because it is so unusual... As for pairings, guys, let me know you want to see? For now, the only pairing I've planned - for certain - is Heero and Relena. The future is still a blank page. Hehe


	4. Investigations (aka Stalking)

** IV. Investigation (aka Stalking)**

* * *

22\. Meretricious

The target was conversing with Mr. Winner by the club's pool. Besides Heero, Dorothy made a disgusted sound. He wondered why he had allowed her to tag along. It was all for the money, he told himself and adjusted his binoculars.

"Look at her ridiculously flashy swimsuit! Do you see the way she's leaning towards him? Tell me she's innocent now."

He saw beautiful legs, a perfectly formed backside, a narrow waist and long dark blonde hair. "Hn." He said.

"Meretricious." His client advocated.

"Yes…" he drawled. "Meretricious..." he had been paid in advance, so it was best to agree.

* * *

23\. Bravado

"I'll go there and I'll show her." Dorothy marched away purposefully. She was taller and thinner than Relena, he noticed. Maybe if he killed her instead… Then he could alter his payment policies and request that Miss Peacecraft compensate him for his services.

"Stupid." He reprimanded himself. What was his problem? He had already been paid – double – and it was an easy target. Maybe it was so easy his brain was trying to complicate things. Yes, that was definitely it.

"Yo!" Heero looked up to find Duo at his side. A bowl in one arm and his own binoculars. "Popcorn?"

* * *

24\. Bolster

"I know she's hot, but you can do it, you know." Heero quirked an eyebrow, but Duo continued anyways. "Good thing she's wearing sunglasses. You really shouldn't look into her eyes… They're so…"

"Would you stop telling me how to do my job?"

"Jeez, man! No need to get angry. I was just trying to help."

"I'll let you know if I need your…_help_."

"No, you won't. Let's be honest. You totally look like the perfectionist kind of guy who's got a stick up —."

The sound of a gun being cocked had never been so loud.

"Are you done?"

* * *

25\. Bombast

"_Ah, Miss Relena, it's good to see that you've recovered from your failure._" Dorothy commented.

"You've got her wired?" Duo asked beside him. "Hand me one of those earphones!"

Heero covered his ears.

"_Did you know, Quatre, that she scored 89 at the same test _I_ scored 92?_" she continued.

"_I think 89 is pretty good._" The Winner heir replied politely.

"_Of course…_" Dorothy conceded. "_But surely a grade above 90 is a much better proof of one's complete dedication to one's knowledge and education._"

"Come on, Heero." Duo was still protesting.

"We're not on a first name basis, _Maxwell_."

* * *

26\. Doggerel

"Ya' know why your business's going so bad?"

Heero closed his eyes and prayed for patience. What had happened to the fearful attitude and the Kevlar?

"I knew you didn't." Duo resumed. "It's all about marketing. Advertisement, you know?"

"Do you realise that what I do is considered a crime in the eyes of the law?" he could not resist pointing out.

"You need some sort of motto… Or maybe a jingle. Definitely a jingle!"

Heero turned back to his target, repressing a sigh.

"_We kill anyone you want. Anyone. Anyone."_

"That's _Mary Had a Little Lamb_."

"No, it's not."

* * *

27\. Foretoken

What he had gathered from the conversation so far was that Relena was a very – very – patient person to put up with Dorothy. Not to mention polite, gentle, understanding, discreet… He _was _trying quite hard not to use the word 'good'. Not because it was such a ridiculously generic word, but because killing a good person just wouldn't feel right.

He did admit she had a lovely voice though, if only to himself, but to admit she was a good person after _one_ day of investigations would not bode well for his mission. No, it wouldn't bode well at all.

* * *

28\. Assuage

"It must be hard…doing what you do." Duo commented as Heero put his equipment away. He would get the rest with Dorothy later. For now, he would return home and make plans.

"It's not hard." He answered without thinking. "You aim, you shoot, you vanish."

"But surely you can't block your feelings completely… I mean… These are _lives _you're taking."

"You're a hacker, surely you've blackmailed people. Those were _lives _you ruined." He retorted rather acidly.

"Well…" Duo scratched his chin. "I'll forgive you if you forgive me." He joked, grinning.

"I'm hardly fit for that." Heero turned and left.

* * *

**A.N.: **Oh... They grew rather bitter at the end. O.o That was...unexpected.


	5. The Deed (Part 1)

**V. The Deed (Part 1)**

* * *

29\. Ascetic

He picked up his sniper rifle and started assembling it. Discipline and abstinence had always worked for him. There was no reason why they wouldn't work now, was there? Maybe he had denied himself for far too long… What else could explain the sudden interest he seemed to have developed for his target of all people?

He watched through the window as she strolled around her bedroom in lingerie. The Peacecraft home was a lonely detached house surrounded by relatively tall buildings. A memento of long lost times... and a paradise for snipers. If only she were wearing a robe…

* * *

30\. Askance

"Are you the… plumber?"

For two seconds, his heart stopped. Heero died. Then he looked over his shoulder and wished he had stayed dead. Standing at the door that led back into the building was a 5 feet tall, white haired, half blind grandma. _And she had snuck up on him. _

"Yes."

"Oh, good! Would you take a look at my sink? I don't know what in the world happened to it, but the water just won't go down… and I've got almost _a week_ of dishes to wash! Not to mention that…"

He wondered how to make her stop.

* * *

31\. Portmanteau

"Please, make yourself at home."

With a glance at the cluttered apartment – and a supressed wince – Heero dropped the bag with his 'pipes' on the cleanest corner next to a pre-historic portmanteau. The old lady still had to shut up.

"Do you see what a disaster this is?"

"Indeed." He mumbled, staring at the greasy dish pile. Between 1 and 10, his plumbing knowledge was -201 and that was being optimistic. He squatted and opened the cabinet. That's what he got for being careless.

"Would you care for some tea?"

"No, than—."

"Camomile? Maybe ginger… Or lemon? Definitely, lemon!"

* * *

32\. Tatterdemalion

Heero did _not _cry. Not even when he had been born had he cried. He was sure of it. Yet, now, crawling under that woman's filthy – understatement – sink, he felt like bursting into tears. Or vomiting… Or both. And she still had to shut up.

"Oh… I think there's someone at the door… Who could it be? I never have visitors…"

He sighed, pulling out of the hell hole. His clothes would have to go straight to a dumpster… He smelled like a sewer.

"It's alright, Mrs. Berkley. I don't mind." A younger woman said. Heero recognised the voice immediately.

* * *

33\. Mountebank

"Now, why don't you regale us with some amazing work stories, Mr. Plumber?" Mrs. Berkley suddenly decided he should speak. Heero glanced from her yellowish smile to his cup of tea to his smelly clothes until his eyes happened upon Relena sitting across from him. Surely, this could _not _be happening… And he could not even ask what she was doing there. He wasn't supposed to know her. "Our landlord – Mr. Johnson – always hires the best, only the very best. He told me you fixed an entire piping in the dark using your feet alone! I was flabbergasted! How amazing!"

* * *

34\. Lanceolate

"Do you see these spoons, child? Are they not perfect? Their shapes remind me of leaves…" Mrs. Berkley continued talking and he had yet to say a word. He was glad. He did not want Relena to know his voice. He did not want Relena to know him at all and yet her eyes had already run all over him.

Maybe he should kill her now… His pistol was tucked in his waistband underneath his T-shirt and the silencer was on… He'd need to kill the old woman too though… It would be a slob's work.

Heero was no slob.

* * *

35\. Hegemony

They had the upper hand… They knew the apartment, they knew each other – how exactly he wasn't sure, maybe it had something to do with the fact that they were neighbours – and they possessed an inane immunity to morbidly boring topics such as crocheting, embroidering and patch-working… He wasn't so lucky. He wanted to leave… No, _needed _to leave. He made a move to stand.

"Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom." Mrs. Berkley beat him to it. Relena's eyes met his and Heero's jaw snapped shut. It was too late to run now… They would have to talk.

* * *

**A.N.: **How did this happen? O.o I have no idea where Mrs. Berkley came from...


	6. The Deed (Part 2)

**VI. The Deed (Part 2)**

* * *

36\. Tergiversate

"She's something, isn't she?" Relena smiled sweetly. "But she spends a lot of time alone with no one to talk to… So I visit whenever I can." The man would not say anything. He looked really uncomfortable, almost skittish. It bothered her. "So… You're a plumber."

"Hn."

Not much to go on… "She caught you off guard, didn't she? You don't look like you came here to get dirty."

"Hn."

His answers were really ambiguous… Relena wondered if he was hiding something… Maybe he had meant to take advantage or maybe even rob Mrs. Berkley. She _had _to find out.

* * *

37\. Obstreperous

"So… What _does _a plumber _really _do?"

Could she be any more insistent? He could sense her suspicion and it was quite clear just how stubborn she could be… And how sly. She had finally found a question he could not grunt-answer.

"We…" he cleared his throat, his voice rusty from lack of use. "Fix…plumbing."

"Ah…" Relena did _not _sound convinced. "Is there plumbing up on the roof?"

"Hn."

"So… What exactly_ were_ you working on up there?"

He'd been trying to kill her. Not that he could tell her that… Maybe he could show her though…

His fingers twitched.

* * *

38\. Paradigm

If assassination ever stopped being a crime and Heero wrote an auto-biography, he would like this assignment to be depicted as the perfect example of what _not _to do. He could not do it. His fingers were wrapped around the grip of his gun, but – staring into Relena's soulful gleaming eyes, he knew – he could not kill her.

"Are you alright?" she asked genuinely concerned. "Is it a backache?"

He sighed, letting the pistol go. "It's nothing."

Relena blinked, surprised that he had spoken like a normal person, but also still mildly concerned. She suddenly really wanted to help him.

* * *

39\. Lugubrious

He looked so sad all of a sudden… So tired and gloomy. Relena forgot all about her suspicions and decided to use her power – as a socially skilled person – to make his life better.

"I know we've just met but…" his eyes widened, making her pause. Would he take offense? "You need to say more than 'hn' to keep a conversation flowing." She added a giggle to show she'd enjoyed his company despite everything.

"I…am quite aware of that." He raised an awkward eyebrow at her.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to be presumptuous… Maybe… I'm not very good company?"

* * *

40\. Plectrum

His eyes widened, his jaw slackened and she knew she had him.

"That's…" he cleared his throat, looking put out. "Not what I meant…"

"Really? Are you sure? Because I thought…" she blinked tearfully at him for good measure.

"I…" he frowned. "You're a smart woman."

Relena grinned. He sounded… conformed. "You can't tell me the real reason why you're here, can you?"

"I'd rather not."

She nodded, understanding. "Would you at least tell me if it's got anything to do with Mrs. Berkley?"

"It hasn't."

"I'm glad." She looked relieved. "She really _did _catch you off guard, didn't she?"

* * *

41\. Sensibility

She was so…_not _what he had expected… He had called her a princess and her interactions with Winner and Dorothy had already proved she was a good person, but he would've never thought… Relena was perceptive and cunning and her _smile_… Yes, he was in trouble. He could sense the danger…and he _liked_ it.

"I'm not usually this…distracted."

She leaned forward, her chin on her hand. "Am I distracting you?"

"Perhaps."

Relena smiled knowingly. "Everyone needs a distraction once in a while…"

"Maybe."

"Monosyllables are no better than grunts, you know." She remarked, annoyed.

"I know." He confirmed, truly amused.

* * *

42\. Panorama

"Mrs. Berkley will be really upset if you leave without saying goodbye." She commented – head tilted and amused smile in place – when he finally excused himself.

Now, that he had a complete idea of who his target was and a full view of his situation, he was sure he wouldn't be able to kill her… All that was left was for him to figure out what to do about it. He pulled the bag over his shoulder and admired her smile one last time. "I have plumbing to fix."

"With your feet?" she teased.

"Perhaps."

He left with a smirk.

* * *

**A.N.: **Relena turned the tables... I wonder what Heero will do next... XD


	7. Counsel (Part 1)

**VII. Counsel (Part 1)**

* * *

43\. Ersatz

Trowa walked into the pub he usually frequented to find his friend sitting at the bar. He wondered if maybe it was an illusion or if someone had decided that one Heero wasn't good enough and made a clone of the man… "You're drinking." he observed.

"Obviously." The assassin retorted, taking a swig of what looked like whisky. "I'm not drunk, if that's what you're worried about."

Maybe a copycat? Trowa _had _expected a 'hn' for an answer.

"Weren't you working today?"

"That's exactly why I'm here."

"And why am _I _here?"

"I need your opinion on… an important matter."

* * *

44\. Potentate

"You shouldn't be drinking. You don't look well enough." Trowa said and discreetly pushed the glass away. Heero glared at him, but Trowa was in one of those _moods_… It was because he had a sister, the assassin reminded himself, that bossed him around all the time that he sometimes had to let his frustration out on his friends. "What did you want to talk about?"

"My target." He said, pulling the glass back towards himself with a scowl. "I couldn't do it."

Trowa's eyes widened slightly. "Does your client know?"

"Not yet."

"I think I'll need a drink."

"Hn."

* * *

45\. Gelid

"So you _want_ this woman."

"Dead." Heero clarified. "I want her _dead_. I _need _her dead, actually."

"But you can't do it." Nod. "Because you _care_."

"I do _not _care."

"That's cold."

"It's the truth. Problem is I compromised the mission by being spotted." He explained quite reasonably.

"And talking to her." Trowa added.

Heero scowled. "And talking to her." He conceded.

"Break the contract." Trowa shrugged, finishing his drink.

"I _need _her killed." His friend repeated. "I got paid in advance."

"Return it." A scowl. "Why would anyone want this woman dead anyway?"

"It's a long story." Heero grumbled.

* * *

46\. Contretemps

Trowa's thoughtful frown eased slowly as he chewed on a mouthful of peanuts. It wasn't smart to have alcohol on an empty stomach. "Then all you need to do is keep her away from this guy… Winner, you said?"

"Hn." The sound of Trowa's chewing combined with the blankness of his expression were driving Heero insane. "So?"

"This is only a contretemps."

"Huh…" the assassin agreed disdainfully.

"What does the method matter as long as you achieve the expected results?"

"Very little, I suppose…" Heero conceded warily.

"Then take her for yourself." Trowa shrugged and turned back to his drink.

* * *

47\. Caper

"What…" Heero paused to give his friend a grave look. "Are you drinking?"

"I'm not drunk, Heero." Trowa swatted his friend's hand away from his glass.

"You're joking then. We're not children anymore, Trowa, to be playing such games."

"I'm not joking and neither am I playing. In fact, I'm being quite serious."

"No, you're not. You're making suggestions only a love-struck happy little girl would." He informed with a perfectly serious face.

"I'm suggesting you…"

"Play matchmaker."

"Yeah… In a way, I guess…" Trowa conceded, shrugging. Heero stared at him. "And without killing anyone." He added. "Especially not me."

* * *

48\. Thither

His refill arrived and Trowa took a long draught. "Look at it from a strategic point-of-view."

"Strategic?" Heero raised an eyebrow. There was nothing strategic about chaos and a chaos was exactly what he had in his hands.

"If you decide to kill her, you'll have to start from scratch, but if you decide to seduce her… Then you've already got a head start."

"You're drunk."

"I'm not drunk!" he slammed his fist on the counter exasperated. "If you turn around now, it'll only take longer, so why not follow the road you're already traveling?"

"Because I'm not _traveling_…at all."

* * *

49\. Mercantile

"Fine." Heero said with conviction slamming his glass on the countertop. Trowa acted surprised. Alcohol always helped with important decisions. Always. "This is a business after all."

"What is?"

"This." He gestured vaguely. "Me. _I _am my business. I am selling results and I should achieve those by any means necessary."

"So… You're not an assassin… You're a businessman." Trowa reasoned. Maybe he should have gone a little easier on the alcohol himself.

Heero frowned. "That's not what I said."

"Are you doing it?"

"_That's _what I said."

"I… Wait. How long have we been here?"

"Apparently far too long…"

* * *

**A.N.: **All those two seemed to do was run in circles and get drunk... They did get somewhere though. Apparently. Haha


	8. Counsel (Part 2)

**_VIII. _****_Counsel (Part 2)_**

* * *

50\. Detriment

"I've met someone." Relena blurted the moment Quatre took a seat. It was bright even under their table's umbrella, but he took his sunglasses off anyway. She looked excited.

"Really?" he asked, automatically, gesturing the waiter for a cup of tea. "What's he like?"

"Oh, he was really filthy and smelly and he barely spoke."

"Sounds…quite…_charming_." Quatre smiled politely. "What does he do?"

"I don't know..."

"Oh…" he hesitated. "Don't you think an association with this…" Hobo? Tramp? "_gentleman _might… Uh… Compromise your image?"

Relena's smile turned into a light frown. "Why would it?"

Maybe she had already been compromised…

* * *

51\. Atrophy

"I think…" he paused to take a sip of his tea, slurping. "It's a good thing you've decided to start dating again after so long, but… It _has _been long. Maybe you're out of practice?"

Relena was frowning at him. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I think, if you really wish to date again, that we could find you someone more…" clean, perfumed, eloquent. "compatible."

"What do you mean…compatible?" her eyes narrowed suspiciously just as Quatre had feared they would.

"I didn't mean it like that! I just thought…" he waved his hands in front of her eyes.

* * *

52\. Jilt

Relena looked around the club, but where they were sitting they could see nothing but the golf fields stretching on and on. "You know what these snobs we hang around are like… They date you merely to show you off, then throw you away for no apparent reason…" she sighed, eyes still wandering. "I want more, Quatre. I want something _different_."

"I know how you feel." He confessed, playing absentmindedly with his teaspoon. "I'm sorry." There was a pause, he met her eyes with renewed excitement. "You never told me his name."

"That is because I don't know it myself."

* * *

53\. Cardinal

"How do you intend to find this guy when you don't even know his name? Don't you think that's a little important?"

"I never got the chance to ask." She replied more annoyed at herself than at her friend, though she knew _Mr. Plumber_ would have probably lied to her if she had indeed asked him. Mr. Plumber… Relena remembered Mrs. Berkley's excitement and smiled.

"He really did impress you… This guy." Quatre noted with a pleasantly surprised smile.

"There is just _something _about him…"

"Maybe it's the mystery." He shrugged.

"Please, Quatre. You have to help me find him."

* * *

54\. Detritus

Quatre watched Relena pensively over the hem of his cup. Of course he would help her find the mysterious charmer, but… Where to start? "You said he was dishevelled, filthy, smelly and mute. Okay, _almost _mute." He amended at her glare. Where would they find someone like that? Sleeping on a park bench somewhere, he supposed… "Where did you say you met him again?"

"At Mrs. Berkley's." she huffed.

He bit his lip, trying hard not to be judgmental, but Relena really did deserve better… This guy couldn't even take care of himself. How would he take care of her?

* * *

55\. Pastoral

"Do you think he might be some kind of hillbilly? A cowboy? Did he have an accent?"

"No." she shook her head, frowning at him. His line of thought was usually quite logical, but that day – for some reason – Relena was having a hard time following it.

"What was he doing at Mrs. Berkley's? Is he family?"

"What? I told you. He was taking a look at her sink… It's been clogged for ages."

"So you _do _know what he does!"

"No, I don't." blonde hair waved as she shook her head.

Quatre's eyebrows knitted. "He's not a plumber?"

"No."

* * *

56\. Carcass

"Argh! Relena! You're not making things any easier for me. Are you sure this wasn't all a dream?"

"I was _not_!" she whined.

"Hallucination?"

"Mrs. Berkley saw him too." Relena reasoned, trying to reign in her frustration.

"That doesn't mean much… How old is she?"

"Ninety…something." The young woman mumbled.

"Old people can see spirits, you know…" Quatre informed her gently. "This mysterious man might be but a carcass in a coffin somewhere."

"Ew…" Relena grimaced.

"That would explain the dirt and the smell…" he sounded quite sure all of a sudden.

"That doesn't explain anything… Because he was _alive_."

* * *

**A.N.: **Thanks for the reviews, guys. I am super glad you're enjoying reading this as much as I am ejoying writting it. But, really... Quatre, you are no help! XD


	9. An Arranged Chance Encounter

**_IX. _****_An Arranged _****Chance****_ Encounter_**

* * *

57\. Ether

"This is the most nonsense idea you've ever had." Heero made sure to inform him.

Trowa shrugged. "Did you bring the flowers?"

"No."

"Chocolates?"

"It's supposed to be a _chance _encounter, Barton."

"Well, sorry if I know as little about dating as you do." He retorted, sounding slightly resentful as he threw away the _Dating Guide and Tips _pocket book he had bought.

"We might as well have based this plan on air." Heero glared at the book.

"Ya' making plans, Mr. Perfect Killer?"

The familiar voice had him clenching his teeth.

"Who're you?" Trowa frowned.

"Whoa! Who're you dating?"

* * *

58\. Quotidian

"Just act casually." Advised the voice on the other side of the wire as Heero strolled into the campus.

"I'm not stupid, Maxwell." He replied through gritted teeth.

"What are you gonna say when you meet with her?" Trowa joined the conversation and Heero sighed. If only those wires weren't so damn expensive! There was a fountain only 10 steps ahead…

"He'll say 'Oh, my! I think Heaven's missing an angel!'."

Heero prayed for patience.

"You said yourself he's supposed to act casually."

"How's using a pick up line not acting casually?"

The fountain looked more attractive by the minute…

* * *

59\. Parlance

The moment Relena's eyes landed on the familiar figure, her heart stopped. She looked around for Quatre, but he was still in class. Then she reached for the first person to walk past her. "Can you _see _that man? The brown haired one by the fountain?"

The girl gave her a scornful look as if she thought the blonde was out of her mind, then pulled away. "Crazy talk." She muttered already leaving.

"Wait! Just…" Relena's hand dropped back to her side. "Just…" A throat cleared awkwardly behind her. "Are you real?" she asked, turning round.

Heero raised an eyebrow.

* * *

60\. Quandary

She saw him scowl and took a step back, unsure of what to expect. Had she offended him? But then he reached into his ear and pulled out something that looked an awful lot like a fly… Relena grimaced. He must be a zombie… But he was clean, no longer smelled bad and weren't zombies supposed to be mute? Besides, that did not prove he wasn't a ghost either. She sighed. What did it matter anyways?

"Lunch?" she invited.

"Why not?"

"I'm afraid they don't have brains here though…"

"I don't eat brains…" he frowned.

"Really?" she beamed. "Thank God."

* * *

61\. Dichotomy

Now that he no longer had two annoying counsellors babbling in his ear, Heero could finally focus on the woman walking beside him. She had been acting a little off and he wondered if he had misread her the other day at the old lady's flat… Maybe now that they were in public she had adopted a different personality and it was only a matter of time before they got reacquainted. Not that their first meeting had revealed much about any of them…

"Haven't gotten any more eloquent, have you?" she commented slyly. Yeah, he mused, that's more like it.

* * *

62\. Confabulate

"So what brings you here?" she asked between mouthfuls. "More plumbing?"

He smirked discreetly at her teasing tone. "Touring."

"Oh… Feel like studying again?"

"Hn."

"What course?"

"Computer science."

"I study law."

"I… _didn't _know."

"I wouldn't recommend that for you."

"Hn."

"See what I mean?" she smiled gently, as if he would cry, then sipped her iced tea. "You never told me your name."

"You never told me yours."

"I didn't think I had to… Mrs. Berkley said it a thousand times."

"I didn't hear it."

"Relena Peacecraft." She offered her hand.

And now they were no longer even…

* * *

63\. Cantabile

"Heero." He said, hoping it would be enough.

"Like the crime boss? Heero Yuy?" she seemed fascinated. He nodded with a worried frown. "No surname?"

"No."

"You're an orphan." She realised with horror. He felt bad, though it wasn't really a lie… His parents _were _dead. "I'm so sorry."

"It's fine."

"I lost my parents too. A few years ago… There was an explosion in their office building… It's just me and my brother now." She looked sad… He thought she would cry, but then she met his eyes…and smiled. "Conversation really flows when I'm with you."

His breath caught.

* * *

**A.N.: **Looks like Relena's got her own personal zombie now. XD It's a pity _someone'_s going to show up pretty soon...


	10. A Real Chance Encounter

_**X. ****A **_**Real **_**Chance Encounter**_

* * *

64\. Intaglio

Even though he wasn't familiar with many _colourful _words… Heero was sure the moment he saw Dorothy he could have come up with quite a few. His jaw clenched.

"Hello, Miss Relena." The socialite smiled. "How very nice to see you…_alive_."

Her sparkling eyes bore into his, though Heero pretended not to notice.

"Why… Thank you, Dorothy." Though Relena was clearly puzzled by the comment, her smile was just as predatory.

"I thought there was a rule set in stone somewhere about breaking contracts…"

"I've told you, Dorothy. Quatre and I are just friends."

Heero fought hard not to cringe.

* * *

65\. Hieratic

Dorothy pulled up a chair. Relena was playing saint again and yet it was quite clear she had gone behind Quatre's back and seduced the assassin. Maybe brainwashed him too… No, she was no saint, but as far as corruption went she would've made a great priestess.

Now, Dorothy had to figure out how far her association with Heero Yuy went… Had Relena turned the tables on her? Was Dorothy his new target? Or had she simply batted her doe like eyes at him and he had suddenly found himself infatuated?

Men. Dorothy snorted. She should've hired a female assassin…

* * *

66\. Dilettante

"Oh, shit…"

Trowa turned to the long haired man who was watching the whole action through portable binoculars then back at the scene, squinting. "Who's the blonde?"

"That's Dorothy." Duo could feel the green eyed stare. "Catalonia." He elaborated. Still nothing. "Did your buddy not tell ya' about 'er?"

"No."

"Figures… Can the two of you even hold a conversation?"

"Who's the blonde?"

"_That, _Mr. Fringe, is the real master of underhanded tactics and deceit. We are only amateurs when compared to her."

"Underhanded tactics?" There was a pause. "She's the one who hired Heero then."

"Whoa! You're sharp, huh?"

* * *

67\. Phantasmagoric

"I'm _so_ sorry I'm late." Quatre said taking a seat. "Oh, hello, Dorothy. How are you?"

"I was just complimenting our dear Miss Relena on her choice of boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?" the young man turned to his friend and the man he had never seen .

"He's not my boyfriend." Relena corrected casually, though she did avoid Heero's gaze and blush. "He's the guy I told you about." She whispered to her friend.

Quatre glanced at the man who seemed to be glaring at him. "He's not a ghost." He congratulated her.

"No." she beamed.

"Still scary though…" he smiled uneasily.

* * *

68\. Bathos

"_Make sure you pay attention so you won't miss the right moment to slip in that romantic comment and remind your date just how pretty her eyes are or how her smile illuminates the night_."

"Maxwell." Trowa called for what felt like the thousandth time. "Stop reading that book."

"Why?" he whined.

"It's sickening."

"Ya' paid for it… Might as well read it."

"5 bucks."

"5 bucks." Duo concurred, reopening the book. "_If she threatens to leave, crying is always and option…_"

"At least don't read it aloud?"

"Trust me, Barton. You're gonna need this part. Besides, it's just great!"

* * *

69\. Ostentatious

Quatre hadn't been there for 5 seconds and Relena was already sibilating in his ears. Dorothy leaned closer to Heero, her most seductive smile in place and, batting her eyelashes, whispered in _his_ ear. She would show her rival that two could play that game.

"What must I do for you to kill her?" she asked dangerously, though her leer never wavered. "I owe sports cars, boats, helicopters… Or would you rather have an airplane?"

"I'd rather you take your hand off my thigh." He whispered with carefully measured calm.

"Airplane? You do look like you could use some wings."

* * *

70\. Cudgel

"Ow!" Dorothy turned fuming eyes to the other woman.

"That was _you_?" Relena shielded her gasp with a hand. "I am _so _sorry."

"Oh, _of course _you are." She smiled a little too brightly.

"Let me have a look…" Quatre kneeled by her chair, genuinely concerned, and reached for her ankle. Dorothy turned scarlet.

"That's really not necessary." She said so fast she nearly stuttered and waved her hand frantically.

"Looks pretty bad…" he glared at Relena over his shoulder, but she pretended not to notice. "I think _someone _should accompany you to the infirmary to have it checked… 'Lena?"

* * *

**A.N.: **Thank you, guys, so much for the constant support! I think I read these too many times during the week and by the time I post I'm no longer sure about them... I guess I lack the "surprise factor" that makes it so interesting to you, readers, because I already know what's going to happen. Haha Drat!


	11. Alliances

**_XI. _****_Alliances_**

* * *

71\. Seminal

"I think it's time we get some things straight." Relena turned around to face the enemy as soon as they were out of sight.

Dorothy raised her eyebrows. The perfect picture of innocence. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Me and Quatre? Friends. Me and Heero?" she paused, fighting a blush. "Something more… Well, at least I want us to be."

Dorothy's eyebrows rose even higher. "You're serious." She half-stated half-asked sceptically.

"Yes."

"You _are _serious." Her eyes widened in realisation.

"So? Would you, please, leave him alone?"

"Hum…" Dorothy tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Fine. _On one condition._"

* * *

72\. Diaphanous

He had always been a master at being invisible… It was ironic that now, right when he wanted to be solid, he was anything but.

"So… Heero, huh? Your surname wouldn't happen to be Yuy, would it? Because I hear there's this top notch assassin… A hired gun, you see…that goes by that name." Quatre both acted and sounded nonchalant, but Heero could see right through him too.

He raised his eyebrows in his best 'so-what-if-I-am' look, wondering – internally – how bad it would be to kill a Winner. He supposed he would be in jail before he could _say _'jail'.

* * *

73\. Pleonastic

"Wait." Relena raised her hand. "You want _me _to help _you _get together with _Quatre_?"

Dorothy gave her a bored look. "Isn't that exactly what I just said?"

"You have a thing for Quatre?" she was having a hard time wrapping her mind around it. "I thought you only wanted to antagonize me."

"That was fun too…" Dorothy conceded.

"But…Quatre? Really?"

"This is getting as old as your outfit."

Relena scowled. "It's just… You're so different! He's… Well… Sweet and innocent and you're…"

"Evil? Mean? Perverted?" Dorothy smirked proudly at her self-description. "But _that's _why I want him."

"Opposites attract?"

* * *

74\. Inspissate

He very discreetly reached into his pocket, pulled out the earpiece he had on earlier and put it back on. Relena had looked a little creeped out by it, though he _had _been subtle, so he made sure Winner wouldn't see it.

"Are you alright?" the blonde frowned suspiciously.

"Headache." Heero countered, hoping Trowa was paying attention. Surely the man could not be so thick as to not realise he was in trouble.

"So… Who's your target? Is it me?" he was curious, but calculatingly cold. It was intimidating.

"There is no target."

"Why did you omit your surname then?"

* * *

75\. Pendent

"There're black clouds looming over us…"

Trowa frowned. Heero was in trouble and what was Maxwell babbling about? He put down the binoculars. "What are you smoking?"

"Just some weed. It's university, man."

"If you get us in trouble…"

"Trouble? Why? Are you an assassin too?"

"No. I just…assist."

"That's it?"

"I work at a circus." He confessed.

"A _circus _circus?"

Trowa sighed exasperated. "A _circus _circus."

"Do you fly over people's heads?" Duo was as excitable as a child.

"Sometimes." He shrugged self-consciously.

"Wait. That Winner?"

"Yeah… And he knows who Heero is."

"Oh, man… We gotta do something!"

* * *

76\. Vertiginous

"I don't think that's a good plan, Dorothy…" Relena commented cautiously, holding a bag of ice against Dorothy's leg. "Getting him drunk and then… Oh, I can't even say it. What kind of person do you think I am?" Dorothy saw the suspicious rise of the other woman's eyebrows and turned discreetly away, distracted by a very interesting box of _Band-Aid's_. "Dorothy!" Relena chided.

"Oh, _fine_. I think you're a prude who knows nothing about men." An insulted 'ha!' was all the other woman could come up with. "Do what _I _tell you and you'll turn his world upside down."

* * *

77\. Parochial

"I don't want trouble." Heero assured him.

"But you want Relena." It sounded sceptical, almost like a question.

"I…" he cleared his throat, buying himself some time. There was no way he could tell Winner his plan was to keep Relena away from him. "I want to…date…her."

"But… You're an assassin…" the blonde looked conflicted.

Heero raised an eyebrow, seizing the opportunity. "And you are narrow-minded."

Quatre gasped. "Narrow-minded?! I am most certainly not narrow-minded."

"Conservative then."

"Absolutely not."

"Then what do _you _call it? Prejudiced?"

"No."

"Intolerant?"

"Fine! I'll lend you my support, but if _anything _happens to her…"

* * *

**A.N.: **Haha! Quatre's so easy to manipulate. XD


	12. Detour

**_XII. _****_Detour_**

* * *

78\. Phalanx

Duo thought his idea of using Quatre's benevolent side to manipulate him had been brilliant. Heero did not seem to agree. In fact, the braided man thought he was awfully ethical for a crook.

"Come on, guys. We should celebrate!" he suggested for the hundredth time and, though the others were walking ahead, he knew they were grimacing. Or were they scowling? His x-ray vision wasn't _that _good… "Bros' bonding time!"

"We _are _grateful for your help, Maxwell. You _do _know Winner quite well. You _may_ go home now." Heero offered when they reached their car.

"I ain't going nowhere."

* * *

79\. Formalism

"What about _that _one?" Duo asked, pointing at yet another young woman in yet another tight dress drinking yet another cocktail.

"What of her?" Heero gave her a brief glance.

"Shiny dark hair, sparkling white teeth, generous cleavage, perfectly round ass, long sinewy legs…"

"Is appearance all that matters to you, Maxwell?" Trowa asked, sipping his drink.

"If forgetting Relena is what he wants, a more…lavish… date is his best choice."

"You want to forget her? But she's great!"

Heero met his friend's wide green eyes. "It would never work."

"Pessimistic much? Wow! Look at the size of those babies!"

* * *

80\. Lobe

"Biggest ears I've ever seen." Trowa had to agree.

Heero finished his drink. "I'm leaving. It's far too early to be drinking."

"Hey, 'Ro! Wait!"

His eyebrows rose very slowly. "_'Ro_?"

"What? Who called you that? You should totally kill them." Duo looked over his shoulder, searchingly. "What you gonna do about Ms. Pretty-Pink-Princess?"

"Give Dorothy back her money."

"But then she'll just hire someone else!"

"He's right, Yuy. You know it." Trowa couldn't take his eyes off the woman's ears.

Heero sighed. "What do you suggest I do then?"

Duo handed him the _Dating Guide and Tips _book. "Persevere."

* * *

81\. Circumlocution

"Dorothy, I should be in class. Not visiting this…" she looked up at the flashy pink neon lights. "mature content selling establishment."

"Prude."

Relena scowled, but did not disagree. Her scowl turned into something that resembled a pout instead. "Ha!" Dorothy exclaimed. "Don't worry, we'll stay away from the toys and go straight for the lingerie."

"Don't you think you're taking things a little too…rapidly?"

Dorothy rolled her eyes. "It's for _me_, Relena. Not for _you_. For you we'd need to shop at Granny's."

"Oh, I _doubt_ this is your usual shop!"

"No, but discomfiting you _is _my usual pastime."

* * *

82\. Hermitage

"If I'm going to do this, I will do it _my _way." Heero informed thrusting the book at Trowa.

"Alright!" Duo stood up ready to follow. "We're gonna help."

"Alone."

"That's fine, man. I'm not into threesomes. I mean… Isn't it hard enough with two people already? Jeez!"

"You're _not _coming, Maxwell." Heero reinforced.

"Dammit." Duo scowled at the man's back, then stuck out his tongue at him for good measure. "Did ya' see that? Are you going to allow your buddy to isolate himself like that?"

"Uh… Yeah. Now, sit down, Maxwell. Big-ears looks like she's about to perform."

* * *

83\. Prolix

"Oh! Here. I forgot." Dorothy handed her a piece of paper, before disappearing behind red velvet curtains.

"What's this?" Relena frowned.

"Heero's address and phone number. He wants you there tomorrow at 8."

"What?!" she couldn't see Dorothy's face, but she sounded quite serious.

"He wants to take you hiking, but was too shy to ask." She sounded really casual, and yet all Relena could think of was what her brother would say if she went to a man's house alone and he found out about it. She would surely listen to _the_ sermon and it would last for _ages_.

* * *

84\. Tryst

"Dorothy." Relena peered in for a second before remembering what _kind_ of lingerie her former nemesis was trying on. She hurriedly closed the curtains again, blushing. "I can't do this."

"Come on, _old maid_. It's just a date." The woman peeked through the curtains long enough to roll her eyes.

"A date…"

"At his place." Dorothy stepped out. "What are you? Four?"

"Oh, my God! Dorothy!" Relena covered her eyes, spinning on her heels.

"I know, right? We should definitely get you one too."

"We should definitely get me_ home_."

"Yeah… You'll have an early morning, after all… 8 o'clock!"

* * *

**A.N.: **Looks like someone's in for a pleasant surprise... Hehe


	13. Inconvenience?

**_XIII. _****_Inconvenience?_**

* * *

85\. Gallimaufry

Relena stretched an old motley over her bed to place the things she would need. Until she realised she owed no hiking gear. She didn't even owe anything remotely similar to it. Should she phone Heero and cancel? Or should she put together something else and take _him _out?

"Like what?" she asked herself. The only thing she knew about him was that he had a mysterious job and that he liked computers. He was definitely not a ghost, but he _might_ be a zombie. Not that that bothered her much… In fact, the cemetery might be a good setting.

* * *

86\. Pompous

Heero was – by nature – an early riser. He was also a person who hated surprises. A fact he made sure all his acquaintances knew. He need only glare at them after all. So, when he heard an unexpected knock that morning, he was not in the best of moods. The sight of Relena however threw him completely off balance.

She blinked at him for a long time.

"Oh, my God…" she covered her mouth. "Oh, my God… You didn't know I was coming, did you?" she spun around, he didn't really have to answer. "Dorothy, you evil… treacherous… pompous… woman."

* * *

87\. Grovel

She was not very good at name-calling, Heero mused. Not that that was a bad thing. He wasn't fond of bad language either. Neither was he fond of apologies and she had been apologising nonstop for the last few minutes, her eyes fixed on his chin. He scratched it self-consciously. He had not had time to shave yet… What should he do? Should he invite her in?

"I should go…"

He hadn't really been listening to her and now she was leaving. "Wait." he cleared his throat. "_I _am sorry. Please, come in."

Relena gaped at him, then blushed. "Alright…"

* * *

88\. Excoriate

"I cannot believe she did this." Relena commented, twisting a napkin between her fingers as she tried to overcome both her anger and her nervousness. She didn't know which was bothering her most… Heero had made her coffee and now sat across from her with a mug of his own, staring so intently at her one would have believed she was telling quite a story and not just criticizing Dorothy's underhanded matchmaker tactics. She figured if she kept speaking her nerves would settle eventually. "And to get you involved in this too… She had just met you! She's so_ mean_…"

* * *

89\. Trepidation

Heero had always thought of himself as a resourceful person… He had _never _thought he would need a cheap book to add to his resourcefulness. What had he done wrong? He had invited her in. Check. Offered her a seat. Check. Made her coffee. Check. Bestowed upon her his complete and undivided attention…at least until his mind started wandering, but still… Why was she so tense?

"I'm sorry. I fear I'm not a very good host."

"Oh…" that seemed to pull her out of her rambling. Her eyes widened alarmingly. "Oh, no! That's not it at all… You are _great_!"

* * *

90\. Wastrel

"What were you doing today? Did you have anything scheduled?" Relena put down her empty mug. "I don't wish to bother you."

"Actually… I was going to Mrs. Berkley's."

Her eyes lit up hopefully. "Are you fixing her sink?"

"I am…_supervising_ the plumber's work."

She chuckled, and he raised an eyebrow. "And she thought _you_ were a plumber…" there was a teasing gleam in her eyes. "What is it you really do? Are you ready to tell me yet?"

"I waste time."

"Caring for old ladies?"

He returned her smirk with one of his own. "Sometimes."

"May I join you?"

* * *

91\. Spurious

When she paused by his mail box, Heero felt the weight of doom. "Why did you lie to me about your surname?"

"I…"

The honest answer would be that he had not thought things through, but he wasn't willing to admit that.

"Are you ashamed of it? Because of the crime boss Heero Yuy?"

"I'm ashamed of my parents' unoriginality."

"I actually think it's a good name." Relena smiled reassuringly and laid a hand on his arm as she walked past him. It lingered slightly longer than it had to. "I was named after my great-grandmother. How original is that?"

* * *

**A.N.: **I'm thinking about a Dorothy and Quatre chapter next... Let's see how that's going to work out. XD


	14. Abduction

**XIV. Abduction**

* * *

92\. Turgid

By the time Quatre arrived at the apartment complex both Relena _and _the assassin were gone. How had he been able to lose a pink limo? Just as he took a seat on the front steps, a flashy golden sedan pulled up.

"Dorothy?" he questioned perplexed.

"Quatre! What a surprise to see you here! Are you following Relena too?"

"Ye- What? No! Of course, not. Wait… Why are _you _following Relena?"

"Didn't you know? That Heero Yuy's a professional killer."

"Oh… Really? That's awful! She could be in grave danger!"

"Get in!"

"You know where they're headed?"

"I know _everything_."

* * *

93\. Flummox

"So?" Quatre turned to her once they were back on the road.

"So what?" Dorothy barely glanced at him. She was way too busy trying to figure out where to drive them.

"What is it you know?"

"Know?" she frowned. There was one thing she did _not _know and that was what to do next. Quatre was in her car!

"You said you knew – and I quote – _everything_."

"Oh… Just because I _know _does not mean I'll _tell_." She smiled smugly at him.

"But then why would you say…?" it was his turn to frown.

"Well… Everyone has a price."

* * *

94\. Smarmy

"You want me to _pay _for the information?"

"Why not?" she shrugged.

"You don't need money, Dorothy." The smile she gave him was truly devilish. Quatre huffed. "Couldn't you play nice? Just this one time?"

"I can play alright." She smirked. "I don't mock nice people because I'm _nice_ though. I'm no hypocrite. I'm _wicked_."

"Well… I'm not paying."

"I never said it was money I wanted, but…" Dorothy shrugged again. "As you wish."

Quatre glanced at her wide-eyed for a moment before he decided to dismiss her suggestive tone. She was just baiting him and he would _not_ budge.

* * *

95\. Sentient

As the neighbourhoods grew stranger and the streets unfamiliar, Quatre started wondering why it was that Dorothy had said she knew e_verything_… Could she be working together with Heero Yuy? Could he be the target after all? Or was it Relena? Did they need him out of the way?

"So…" he started slowly. "What do you want? For the information?"

"Hmmm…." Dorothy tapped a finger against her lips thoughtfully. For 5 minutes.

"Dorothy!"

"Oh, you're _so_ sensitive." She waved him away with a hand. "I want… Hmmm…"

"I'm _waiting."_

"I thought you were patient, but there's blood in those veins."

* * *

96\. Opprobrious

"Fine!" he crossed his arms stubbornly. "I don't care anymore. Wait, just… One free question?"

"Go on."

"Why are you trying to protect Relena? I had the impression you hated her."

"Protect her? Who said anything about protecting her? I said I was _following _her."

He frowned. "What about the assassin thing?"

"A sample of my extensive knowledge…"

Quatre snorted, which was something he rarely did, and though he immediately felt bad for it, he kept the scornful look on. "All you've done so far is try to fool me."

Dorothy clicked her tongue. "I thought you didn't care anymore?"

* * *

97\. Chattel

"I'm curious." He admitted after a minute of stubborn silence. "And _worried _about Relena…"

Dorothy merely stared at him.

"I think Heero lied to me…"

She kept staring.

"If she gets hurt it'll be my fault…"

Dorothy raised her eyebrows.

"Just name your price already!"

"Are you sure?" she asked, voice thick with innuendo.

"I'm loaded. I don't care." He blurted nervously.

"Wow, Quatre… Such confidence… If only you weren't worried about Relena…"

"I…" Quatre cleared his throat, blushing. "She's my friend…" he mumbled.

"Well… Stop worrying. Because I'm kidnapping you…and you won't call the cops."

"What?!"

"_That's _my price."

* * *

98\. Moire

Quatre forced a laugh. It didn't last long. "You're joking."

"Oh, sweety… You know _nothing _about me."

"Dorothy… What about…?"

"She'll be fine… I bet Relena was wearing one of those wavy skirts that make her look like she's 12, which means too young to want to kill _and _bang."

He gasped, because decorum dictated he should, and prepared to defend Relena's honour. Or fashion style. Dorothy beat him to it.

"So? Do you want the info or not?"

The information was meant to help save Relena… What would be the point if he were kidnapped? He _was _curious though…

* * *

**A.N.: **Wow... This past week was _the _challenge. So I think I'll just go back to Heero and Relena while Dorothy figures out where to take her captive. Talk about poor plannig. Tsk, tsk...


	15. Gamblers

**_XV. Gamblers_**

* * *

99\. Mercurial

"Excuse me, Mrs. Berkley." Relena stood up hurriedly when the plumber stormed out of the apartment and rushed towards the stairs.

"I refuse to stand this any longer!" he shouted at her and she had the impression he had tears in his eyes.

"That went well…" she commented once Heero had caught up to her, his expression somewhere between a grimace and a scowl. "What did you say to him?"

"I just pointed a few minor mistakes."

"I thought you weren't a plumber?"

"I'm not, but some things are obvious even to an amateur."

Relena bit her lip. "What now?"

* * *

100\. Virid

The moment he saw Relena stick her head under the sink, Heero foresaw the disaster. Would he be overstepping his boundaries if he lent her a hand?

"Oh…" she turned surprised bright eyes to him and noticed he had just saved her hair from taking a bath in some disgusting dark liquid. "Thank you." She said, blushing, and tried to focus on the green mush covered pipes instead of rebuking herself for her thoughtlessness.

"We should call another plumber…" Heero suggested absent-mindedly.

Relena pulled out of the cabinet to kneel by his side. "Why don't _we _try to fix it?"

* * *

101\. Schism

Heero gave but one glance to the black hole of death that resided inside the cabinet. "We should call another plumber."

"One that can handle criticism?" Relena chuckled.

"Hn."

"I still think we should try. It doesn't look _that _hard."

"It never does."

Her eyes narrowed thoughtfully. He was really adamant. "Let's ask Mrs. Berkley."

Before he could protest, she was on her feet and out the door. Heero sighed. He was quite sure 'asking Mrs. Berkley' would involve tea and an extensive number of endless stories… He had thought they would finish early… Now, they were spending the night.

* * *

102\. Balustrade

"…then Altamont said we should all play cricket and _jumped_ the balustrade. Need I remind you that he was 67?"

"This is getting us nowhere." Heero whispered discreetly. It only made Relena smile. She seemed quite entertained by his building irritation.

"Let's play a game." Her grin would've been charming had it bode well. "If you win, we hire a new plumber, but if _I _win we fix the sink together."

"Very well…" he said, trying not to look curious.

"You pick one word and I pick a different word. Every time she says yours, you score and so on…"

* * *

103\. Scruple

Heero raised an eyebrow at her, wondering if it was okay to start. Relena bit her lip, smiling at Mrs. Berkley before meeting his eye. "Is this wrong?" she asked in a whisper.

"We're not mocking her." He shrugged. Their little game would make paying attention to the old lady a lot more interesting and Heero thought she deserved proper consideration.

"I pick 'and'." Relena said half-covering her mouth with a hand.

"I pick 'then'." He said, having paid enough attention to Mrs. Berkley's endless chatter to devise a strategy. She nodded with confidence and turned back to their host.

* * *

104\. Conceit

When the game had started, he had been sure he would win. After all, he had been trained in countless numbers of strategies and logical tactics, prepared for quick thinking and working under pressure… It made absolutely no sense that, by the end of half an hour, Relena's victory was clearly established.

She smiled widely and smugly and Heero had to fight the childish need to pout. Instead, he crossed his arms and scowled. Relena's joy did not suffer for it. At all.

"Mrs. Berkley! We are going to fix that sink!"

Now that was what one would call overconfidence.

* * *

105\. Macerate

"You're a sore loser." She told him. Heero raised an eyebrow at her. "Yes, you _are_." Relena chuckled, pointing at his cup. The little piece of paper where they had been keeping score was slowly dissolving into the newly poured tea.

"Hn."

"Maybe we should search the internet before we get started…"

"Maybe." He sent her a meaningful look. "Or maybe we should hire a _real _plumber."

"Oh, no. You are _not _getting out of this one."

"Here are late Mr. Berkley's tools." The old lady dropped a heavy wooden box on the table. "Now, you kids, go have fun."

* * *

**A.N.: **Thanks, guys, for the amazing support! Your reviews always make me smile. :)


	16. Tangled

**_XVI. _****_Tangled_**

* * *

106\. Fritinancy

"I _heard _something…" Relena stood on shaky legs and stepped away from the sink.

Heero was laughing at her, albeit inside his head, at least until her warm hands wrapped around his arm and the situation gained a whole new prospect… "What did it sound like?"

"I don't know…" she shook her head worriedly. "Do you think we messed it up already?"

"We've barely touched anything…" he reassured her and prepared to inspect the damage.

"I…" Relena tried to stop him. "I might have…" But then something snapped and it was too late. There was water everywhere… and on everything.

* * *

107\. Pinguid

"Oh, my God, Heero… I am _so _sorry." She said, feeling nothing short of regretful. It had taken him almost 10 minutes to get things back under control and now he simply stood there with his back to her. Relena was starting to feel a strange kind of dread… "You were right… It didn't take us 5 minutes to destroy everything… You were right. I'm so… Are you… Are you _laughing_?"

He was, silently, but it was unmistakable. She glared at the only part of his head that wasn't greasy and wet. Then reached out for it with dirty fingers.

* * *

108\. Ultramarine

And just like that, out of the blue, she was running her fingers through his hair. He stood there frozen, as he fought the urge to melt into her touch. Finally, he settled for clearing his throat.

Relena pulled away, blushing when their eyes met. "It's just so…_soft_…" she explained guiltily. "And I've gotten dirt all over it…"

He reached out and assessed the damage with his own fingers. It was not any worse than his first visit to Mrs. Berkley's. "It doesn't matter." He reassured Relena and shrugged.

"Let's go over to my place so we can clean up."

* * *

109\. Empirical

"Mrs. Berkley? We'll be right back to clean up that mess." Relena smiled at the old lady as she prepared to follow Heero out the door.

Mrs. Berkley lifted her wizened eyes off her crochet and glanced at her over the golden rim of her glasses. "Do not do this, my dear. Make him put a ring on your finger first."

"What? You think we… Why would you think such a thing?" Relena paled in horror.

"Well… A single lady taking a single man to her house for a bath…"

"You _heard _that? I thought your hearing was impaired."

"What?"

* * *

110\. Mucilage

Relena pulled the door closed.

"What's wrong?" Heero asked with a worried frown.

She stared at his feet for a moment, lost in thought. "You think Mrs. Berkley's been lying to us?"

"Lying?"

"About her hearing…"

Heero snorted. "All elders lie about that."

"Huh?" Relena hurried after him as he started making his way out of the building.

"Middle-aged women spread cream all over their faces and say they're in their thirties. Elders say they hear less or more than they really do. It's common knowledge." He shrugged, then frowned. "What's funny?"

"You are." She smiled.

And it was beautiful.

* * *

111\. Emollient

His eyes ran over the jars lined up on the counter while Relena found him a towel in a cabinet. "These are _your_ creams?"

She smirked at him. "Those are _lotions _and _all_ women use them not just middle-aged ones."

He snorted, turning away to hide a smile from her.

"Here." Relena handed him a clean towel. "You can use my brother's shampoo. He leaves a spare one here in this bathroom…"

Heero watched her leave with a dreadful feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had forgotten about her brother and now he was trapped in his lair.

* * *

112\. Mnemonic

As he washed the grease off his hair he searched his memory for what he knew about Relena's brother, aside from the fact that he worked very closely with the police… Particularly with the one department that wanted Heero's head in a stake or rather his whole person behind bars. He couldn't remember what the man did exactly and that was what bothered him the most… There were too many secrets, too many shadows. It did not bode well. But he could not sneak out through the window… No, not without giving up on Relena. That he could _not_ do.

* * *

**A.N.: **Completely chaotic week... I am not satisfied with the results, but... Well, let's go back to Dorothy and Quatre, shall we?


	17. Captivity

**_XVII. _****_Captivity_**

* * *

113\. Refulgent

"You were not planning on kidnapping me, were you?"

Dorothy turned to him perplexed. "Of course, I was! Why would you say that?"

"Well, for starters… A more discreet vehicle might have been better." He watched her place another twig on the hoof of the car as if the golden monstrosity could possibly be camouflaged.

"Well, you're not calling the police, _are _you?" she widened her eyes, proving her point.

"Then why are you covering the car?" Quatre frowned confused.

"Have you ever heard of playing pretence? That is what this kidnapping is about."

"So we're pretending…?"

"To be married."

* * *

114\. Verisimilitude

"What? That wasn't part of the deal."

"You thought kidnapping you meant bringing you here? I'll force you to do whatever I want." Dorothy's smirk was pure evil.

"You mean to enslave me then…"

"Like a good husband. Please, at least, make it look real?"

Quatre rolled his eyes. "As long as you answer all of my questions. That was our deal."

"Fine." She shrugged unconvincingly.

He decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. "Let's get inside, my dear, before you catch a cold."

Dorothy let him hook his arm through hers and drag her towards the door.

* * *

115\. Torrid

"What _is _this place?" Quatre asked with a grimace as they walked into the mausoleum.

"My grandfather's winter retreat."

"Winter retreat?"

"See how scalding hot it is inside?"

He snorted. "Have you ever been to the desert, Dorothy? Then you have no idea what scalding hot is."

"Why don't you take me?" she batted her eyelashes at him.

Quatre stared at her for moment. "Sure." He said as if coming to a realisation. "We should do that. I haven't been home in a while."

"Miss it?"

He smiled nostalgically. "A lot."

"It _is _scalding hot here though, just admit it."

* * *

116\. Pariah

Quatre had known Dorothy nearly all his life and yet, he suddenly realised, he knew very little about her… He had also never noticed just how lonely she was for, though she was _like _them, she wasn't exactly _one _of them.

"Dorothy? You know we're your friends, right? Relena and I."

"Relena? My friend? Pshhh!" she waved her hand dismissively and started laughing. "As if. Are you crazy in the head?" But Quatre was not angered by her attitude. He simply kept smiling, knowingly, until she grew serious and then tried to distract him. "Turn on the air conditioning, slave."

* * *

117\. Ossify

"Does your grandfather know we're here?"

"Of _course _he does!"

Quatre did not believe it… Not for a single second. "Should you really be going through his things?"

Dorothy eyed him pitifully. "How else do you expect us to find the skeletons he keeps?"

"Skeletons?"

"Leverage." She rolled her eyes.

"Why would you need leverage? He's your grandfather."

"Exactly."

Quatre continued watching her with a frown. Until it hit him. "If you don't answer my questions, I'll tell him what you've done."

She turned to him, mouth agape and disbelief written all over her face. "You _wouldn't_…"

"Leverage." He shrugged.

* * *

118\. Providence

"Very well…" Dorothy sat on an old couch, crossing her legs and trying to look unconcerned. Quatre could sense her apprehension, but pretended not to. "I'll answer your questions, but only a limited number of them."

His calm smile finally slipped as Quatre could not help but frown. "What do you mean 'a limited number'?"

"How about…" she tapped a finger against her lips, thoughtfully. "Five questions?"

"_Five _questions?!"

"Yes."

"_Five_?"

Dorothy raised her scornful eyebrows.

"How did you come up with that number?"

"It's the number of hours we've been gone."

"We've been gone _five hours_?!"

"Hadn't you noticed?"

* * *

119\. Disperse

"Then how about one question for every half hour?" Quatre proposed hopefully.

"Really?" Dorothy crossed her arms stubbornly. "How about a question every hour and a half?"

The blonde man frowned. "45 minutes."

"One…hour." She said slowly with finality.

Quatre crossed his arms too, leaning back on his seat. "Fine." He met her eyes. "But we are spending the night."

Dorothy gaped at him for a full minute and he was sure she would be outraged, but then she blinked and said: "Okay."

"'Okay'?" Quatre echoed sceptically.

"Okay." She repeated and shrugged.

They stared uncomfortably at each other. "Now what?"

* * *

**A.N.: **Well... Now what? XD


	18. Charged

**_XVIII. _****_Charged_**

* * *

120\. Magnum Opus

Heero Yuy might not know Milliardo Peacecraft very well, but Milliardo knew Heero like no other. Or, at least, his alias – Zechs Merquise – did. He had been working undercover for years, trying to find a single piece of evidence that could be used against the most impeccable killer of all time…and still nothing. It was no wonder Heero Yuy could use his own name for his dirty business without suffering at all for it. When Milliardo put him behind bars he would be glad to end his career on a high note.

He'd never thought Heero might catch _him_ first.

* * *

121\. Execrable

They stared at each other. Milliardo at the door and Heero on the couch. The assassin looked calm and the blonde could only assume he had been waiting for him, but then Heero's eyes widened in recognition.

"That mask you wear must be the poorest of disguises, Zechs." He said after a moment and smirked.

"Heero Yuy…" Milliardo spoke the name cautiously, slowly, before drawing his gun with lightning speed. "Where is my sister?"

"Milliardo!" Relena walked in right at that moment, looking nothing short of angry. "Put that thing away!"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because there's a murderer on our couch."

* * *

122\. Apoplexy

"What?" she turned to Heero. "What is he talking about? Surely, Milliardo, this is some sort of mistake."

"There is no mistake." He met the assassin's glare with one of his own.

"Lower the gun." Relena repeated. "Please."

"Relena, that man is here to kill me." Heero could barely stop himself from rolling his eyes. "Her?"

"No."

"Us?"

"He's not here to _kill _anyone." Relena pulled the gun out of her brother's hand impatiently.

"Are you out of your mind?" Milliardo snapped.

"He's _not _a murderer and we're leaving."

"Oh, _he's _leaving alright… _You _are staying right here, young lady."

* * *

123\. Obtrude

"Well, if I'm staying then Heero's staying too." Relena informed him stubbornly.

"No, he's not. He hasn't been invited and therefore – unless he means to confess or admit anything or openly threaten us – he is entirely unwelcome."

"I should leave." Heero told her gently on his way past them.

"But… What about Mrs. Berkley's kitchen?" she met his eyes pleadingly.

"What about Mrs. Berkley's kitchen?" Milliardo frowned.

"We promised to clean it."

"I'll do it." Heero reassured her. "Thank you for the shower and the clothes. I'll make sure to return them to you."

The blonde man grimaced. "Please, don't."

* * *

124\. Scatology

He was in deep shit. Figuratively. Though, looking around at the mess he and Relena had made of Mrs. Berkley's kitchen, it certainly felt like he was in it literally as well. It was a good thing the old lady had offered to help him. Or maybe not. She just never stopped babbling. Maybe if he tuned her out, her ramblings would become the perfect soundtrack to his misery.

He would see Relena again, he was sure. She was _that _stubborn. It was what he would decide to tell her that bothered him the most. Not that he already knew…

* * *

125\. Azure

Relena saw the gleam in her brother's eyes and decided to let Heero go. For the moment. She would see him again as soon as Milliardo got past his overprotective paranoia and then she would hear his version of things. He might think she was stupid enough to disregard her brother's words, but she wasn't. She had known from the start Heero had to be involved in something illegal. No one was that secretive.

She made a pact with herself not to jump to conclusions. It was only fair to hear what he had to say before making any judgements.

* * *

126\. Perspicacious

"You are in trouble, are you not, dear?" Mrs. Berkley asked from the door.

"I'm not very big on cleaning." He admitted.

She chuckled. "I meant with Ms. Peacecraft."

Heero paused. "What made you think that?"

"Oh, your job, of course. I have seen those pipes you carry around before."

"Have you?" he asked cautiously.

"I don't think it should be a crime to smuggle highly technological colony pipes into the ESUN… We should all have good plumbing."

It took him a minute to remember how to breathe.

"You're very perceptive."

"So is Ms. Peacecraft. Do not forget that, dear."

* * *

**A.N.: **Need I tell you that "scatology" was a pain in the ass? Guess not...


	19. Precipitous

**_XIX. _****_Precipitous_**

* * *

127\. Obviate

"I'm hungry." Quatre complained.

"Go cook. The kitchen's right there."

"I don't know how to cook. We've got a chef."

"Maybe you should learn then."

"Do _you _know how to cook?"

"Of course not!" Dorothy snorted. "We've got a chef too."

A minute ticked by.

"First question!" Quatre started suddenly.

"Not until the end of the night."

"Now." He insisted and she could see he was not relenting.

"Fine." Dorothy crossed her arms. "Go on."

"Why were you following 'Lena?"

"Her names _Re_-lena. Shortening it makes you sound like a baby."

"Dorothy!"

"To stop Yuy from eliminating her, of course."

* * *

128\. Recluse

"Dorothy…" he spoke her name like a father preparing to rebuke his daughter and crossed his arms to show he was determined. "Honest answers, please."

"I'm not lying!" Dorothy's eyes widened as she put on her most insulted front.

Quatre wasn't buying it.

"Fine. Whatever." She made a dismissive gesture and he smirked victoriously. "I'm helping Relena get together with the solitary killer. I just wanted to make sure she wouldn't screw it all up."

"You're helping Relena? Why?" Quatre's surprise was genuine.

Dorothy stuck up her nose. "I _can_ help people when I want to."

"Second question, Dorothy. _Why_?"

* * *

129\. Girth

"Why?" she repeated as if confused. "Because she likes him."

"I _know_ she likes him. Honest answer?"

"She's getting a little round…"

Quatre's eyes widened and even his hair suddenly looked out of place. "Relena's pregnant?"

"Fat, Quatre. Fat." Dorothy corrected nonchalantly, but then smirked. "Did destroy your fantasy of her though, didn't it?"

"Dorothy…" he warned her.

"I'm helping her because she's helping me in return. Or so she says… I haven't seen any action on her part yet."

"So you're helping 'Lena and 'Lena's helping you?"

"It can't be _that _hard, Quatre. Come on, let's order some pizza."

* * *

130\. Quail

"Third question." Quatre said the moment she hung up the phone. He had been hovering over her all the time and Dorothy wasn't sure whether to feel incredibly annoyed or extremely endeared.

"Already? Do you really want to ask them all at once?"

She walked away and into the kitchen before he could answer and Quatre was obligated to follow her. "Why do you keep running away and trying to avoid my questions?" he asked with curiosity and a pair of raised eyebrows.

"What are you hiding?"

Dorothy snorted. "Hiding… I don't need to hide anything, honey. Only cowards do."

* * *

131\. Agile

"That was my third question which means you owe me an honest answer." Quatre smirked.

"You are quick, aren't you?" Dorothy paused on setting the table. "It's interesting how you are wasting all your questions on me… I thought you wanted to know about Relena?"

"I doubt whatever you're hiding is completely _not _about Relena."

"That _is _a very a general question though." Dorothy informed him as she set down the plates.

"There were no specifications…" he shrugged.

She leaned closer with a leer in her eyes. "I like it when you get all evil genius."

Quatre could only blush.

* * *

132\. Panache

He cleared his throat and took a step back, avoiding her gaze. "I admit you are very…persuasive, Dorothy, but I am not going to let you distract me."

"Whoa…" she leaned backwards and away from him, a mix of scepticism and amusement in her eyes.

"I have asked you a question and it's _not _very elegant of you to refuse me an answer…" Quatre was back under control, Dorothy could tell by the business-like tone he adopted.

"I am hiding…" she paused dramatically. "A very sexy underwear and an even sexier body." She winked.

Quatre didn't know what to think.

* * *

133\. Escalate

"Dorothy… Why have you kidnapped me?"

"Is that your fourth question? Because… Honestly, Quatre, you're wasting them all!" she seemed eager to change the subject all of a sudden. "I mean… I _told _you the last one was way too general and yet you _still _insisted on it… You can't really say my answer was unacceptable though. No specifications, right?"

He was not losing focus. "Really, Dorothy… Why?"

She met his eyes and, for once, there was no smirk on her lips. "Because you only seem to have eyes for Relena and I wanted you to give _me _a shot."

* * *

**A.N.: **Is Dorothy going to regret that slip of her tongue? I wonder...


	20. Backseat Drivers

**_XX. _****_Backseat Drivers_**

* * *

134\. Perturbing

"What is _he _doing here?" Catherine asked, arms akimbo, as she stood in the middle of the messy motorhome (somewhere between the kitchen and the living room).

"Catherine, he's my friend." Trowa told her with all the patience of a man who had been through that same scene countless times throughout his life.

"He's a bad influence on you." She retorted still angry, still slightly pouty, still unconvinced. Even after over a decade. "He gets you involved in all sorts of shady businesses."

Trowa barely refrained from rolling his eyes.

"You realise I am right here…" Heero informed nonchalantly and stared.

* * *

135\. Lissome

Heero turned the longneck in his hands lost in thought. "What should I tell her?" he wondered out loud.

"The truth." Trowa shrugged, reaching for his own bottle on the table between them.

"I don't know what you're talking about…" Catherine started, from her perch on the bed, not looking up from her knitting for a single second. "But you can't give this girl whatever she wants that easily."

The men traded sceptical glances.

"It's true!" Catherine protested. "Women like men who put up a fight."

"What do you think?" Trowa asked.

Heero shrugged. "Why not listen to her theory?"

* * *

136\. Analogue

"Do you know anything about hunting?"

"I wouldn't call it hunting…" Heero smirked and Trowa snickered.

Catherine's eyes narrowed. "I don't care what kind of ladies' man you are, Heero. What I'm trying to explain to you is that women like hunting as much as men do."

"You mean dating is like hunting, therefore playing hard to get will make Relena want him more?" Trowa frowned unconvinced.

"Most predators would rather use stealth and catch their prey unawares." Heero informed her. "The chase is merely plan B."

Catherine huffed in annoyance. "Trowa, you need more friends like that other guy."

* * *

137\. Escarpment

"You're going to fall, Heero. And when you do, I'll be there to say: 'I told you so'."

"Never mind her." Trowa told him quietly with a shake of his head. "She thinks she's an expert at pretty much everything."

He glanced over his shoulder to make sure Catherine wasn't about to throw a knife at him. Thankfully, she wasn't.

"Who's this friend she was talking about?" Heero asked with a frown. As far as he knew Trowa had no other friends… Except…

"Maxwell."

"I thought so."

"Don't you think he might be able to help you?"

Heero scowled. "No."

* * *

138\. Recompense

"So you need my help." Duo leaned back on his chair, crossing his legs and entwining the tips of his fingers.

"I told you this was a bad idea." Heero told Trowa at the other side of the coffee table. The hacker's house was way humbler than they would have expected from someone with such a flamboyant attitude.

"What do I get in return?"

"Helping us _is _what you get in return."

Duo opened his mouth, finger raised, then closed it, then opened it… and frowned. "In return for what?"

"Keeping your mouth shut."

"If you insist… It's a deal?"

* * *

139\. Diminution

"Tell her the truth." Duo said as if it made all the sense in the world.

Trowa felt Heero's angry gaze on him. "We came all the way here and got _him _involved only so he could tell me what you already had."

"Wasn't glaring enough? You had to rub it in?" Trowa complained.

"Easy, guys, you're turning this into a bigger deal than it really is."

"No, Maxwell. You're the one who's making it seem smaller than it is." Heero informed him. "This is my personal life."

"Come on, buddy. I won't tell your clients you're a big softie."

* * *

140\. Unadulterated

Duo gulped despite the fact that he seemed to be becoming quite familiar with the sound of guns being cocked. "Would you care to rephrase that, Maxwell?"

"I won't tell your clients you're a big hothead?"

The barrel was still staring him down.

"A big pighead? No? Huh…" he could feel the sweat drops gathering on the back of his neck. "Bossy? Cocky? Introverted?"

"Maxwell, just shut up." Trowa suggested. "If you want to greet the morning unscathed, that is."

"I'd like that very much." He told Heero's gun with conviction. "So? I'll help you! Should I shut up first?"

* * *

**A.N.: **Wow, guys! 20 chapters! Look how far your support has brought us... Thank you very much! :D


	21. Beating Around The Bush

**_XXI. _****_Beating Around The Bush_**

* * *

141\. Crass

"Are you not going to laugh?"

"Laugh?" Quatre frowned. "Was that a joke?"

Dorothy turned away, blushing, and refused to answer.

"I don't laugh at people's feelings. I have better manners than that." He waited, but she seemed unwilling to elaborate on her confession. "I'm surprised. I never expected you to be interested in someone like me."

She turned back to him, arms crossed and a long eyebrow arched. "And what kind of people did you think I'd be interested in?"

"Well…" he cleared his throat. "I always thought you were a lesbian…" Quatre blushed shamefully and Dorothy smirked evilly.

* * *

142\. Calamitous

"So it's _your _fault I'm single. You've been spreading rumours around." She threw an arm over her face for dramatic purposes.

"I never told a soul!" Quatre said hurriedly, nearly desperately. "I swear it was only on my mind, Dorothy, and I wasn't even _sure_!"

"And did it make you sad to think that I was out of reach?" she asked curiously, but his only answer was a blush. "And who did you imagine my paramour would be?"

"Relena?" he answered sheepishly, staring at his feet.

Dorothy gasped, hiding a smirk. "You were imagining us making out, weren't you? Pervert…"

* * *

143\. Blithe

He would have defended himself, he even managed to pull the most horrified expression his young face could twist into, but – by the time he had both action and speech sorted out – Dorothy was already gone. Quatre huffed in annoyance, fighting back the urge to pout as he stamped in the direction he believed she had taken.

The delivery man was handing her the pizza, but the smile she had on was different than her usual one. He could see that, despite his blunder, she was happy. It cheered him up so, he immediately forgot his 'I-am-most-certainly-not-a-perv' speech and smiled.

* * *

144\. Loquacious

"What are you smiling at?" she asked him, feigning irritation. "Here. _You _are the slave therefore _you _carry the pizza." She frowned when he did exactly as told and yet continued smiling at her like a fool. Dorothy started to feel strangely warm inside so she decided to keep the conversation going. "You are paying for that pizza, by the way, because if you knew how to cook we would not be in this situation. I was supposed to be eating healthy food." Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "If I put on a single gram I'll be coming for you, Winner."

* * *

145\. Sardonic

"Where did you get candles?" Dorothy frowned at the long white sticks he was lighting in the middle of the table.

"In one of the drawers in the kitchen."

"Hum… Weren't you the one who was completely against snooping?" she smirked, leaning forward in her usual predatory manner. "Where did Mr. Righteous go?"

"I thought you liked it when I broke the rules…" he imitated her posture, meeting her eyes challengingly. "Where did Ms. Recklessly Bold go?"

"Oh, you're getting good." Dorothy smiled, pleased. "Learning with the best?"

"Actually, Dorothy… I have 29 sisters. I _know _how to be witty."

* * *

146\. Destitute

The first fifteen minutes of their dinner was marked by embarrassing silence, awkward smiles and surreptitious glances. It was only the candlelight that disguised their permanent blushes. Then Dorothy realised it was all too lovey-dovey – too _Relena_ – and proposed a game before she lost her appetite.

"A game?" Quatre asked with a frown.

"A 'what if' game." She corrected. "I make up a situation and you tell me what you would do if you found yourself in it."

"Okay." He shrugged.

"What if… Your family lost all its money?"

"We'd still have each other." Quatre smiled proudly.

Dorothy yawned loudly.

* * *

147\. Occult

"What if you…" he chewed thoughtfully on his pizza while Dorothy took a sip of some wine she had stolen from her grandfather's cellar. Her eyes were fixed on him expectantly. "Became invisible?"

She frowned disapprovingly, but then an idea seemed to occur to her and the sharp eyes lit up. Quatre gulped. He knew what was coming and his cheeks were already heating up. He should have foreseen it.

"I would sneak into the football team's locker room and enjoy the show." She smirked.

"What?" he was outraged and confused. Football team's locker room? What about _his bathroom_?

"Jealous?"

* * *

**A.N.: **Does Dorothy want to see naked Quatre's "Winner_"_? Find out next chapter! Wait what? O.o

Sorry, guys, couldn't resist making that joke. XD


	22. Bargain

**_XXII. _****_Bargain_**

* * *

148\. Sufferance

Relena knew her brother well, which was quite a good thing since it meant she was already prepared when Heero left and the inquisition began. It was exhausting, but she kept her smile in place and her answers short.

"What were you doing with him?"

"Nothing."

"Where did you meet?"

"At Mrs. Berkley's."

"Are you sure he hasn't threatened to kill you?"

"Yes."

"Not even once?"

"Not even once."

"Why are you hanging out with that felon?"

"I don't know."

"Do you have feelings for him?" She hesitated. Milliardo raised an eyebrow. "So? Do you? Or not?"

"I don't know."

* * *

149\. Abscission

"Here's what you are going to do…" he met her eyes seriously. Relena crossed her arms, preparing to be stubborn and fight for what _she _wanted. "You will tell him that you'll be planning my wedding from now on and therefore will be too busy to see him. That way you can politely cut him off your life forever. Unless…"

"No." she scowled. "I will not be serving as bait so you may charge him for some made up crime."

"Undercover agent."

"No. And Heero _stays_ in my life."

"Relena…" Milliardo started, his tone rebuking.

"Or I'll cut _you _off."

* * *

150\. Deleterious

"That will only harm you further."

"How so?" she frowned, picking up a random magazine and flopping down on the couch. She figured if she looked harmless and distracted enough he might leave her alone so she could text Heero and let him know he was _not_ off the hook just yet.

"I am the one paying your bills. If you cut me off your life what would you do? You're still a child."

"I have the money mother and father left me and I am _not _a child."

Milliardo raised a finger, ready to reply. Thankfully, the doorbell rang.

* * *

151\. Procurator

"Hey! I forgot my keys…" Lucrezia Noin had barely stepped into the house and both her fiancé and future sister-in-law were suddenly upon her.

"Lucrezia will stay on my side." Relena informed her brother with conviction.

"What? Why?"

"My brother won't allow me to date because – in his own words – I'm still a child."

"What you are doing right now, Relena, is exactly what a child would do." Milliardo pointed out. "Lucrezia is _my _fiancée therefore she represents _my _interests."

"I'm flattered you are fighting over me, but I need to get ready so we may go out for dinner."

* * *

152\. Chalkstone

"You're dining out?" Relena asked, trying to hide the hopefulness in her voice.

"We have reservations." Lucrezia confided.

"And if we are late they will just clear our names off the board." Milliardo reminded his fiancée.

"That's why I said I needed to get ready." She kept smiling as she walked away. Relena envied the way the older woman dealt with her brother's grumpy bossy self.

"I will only allow you to go out with that man if you wear a wire." Milliardo turned back to his sister.

She sighed. "I will not have you listening in on my conversations."

* * *

153\. Satirist

He frowned. "Will you be talking about anything inappropriate? Because if you are…"

"It's about privacy, Milliardo. You know privacy."

"A recorder then." He was still trying. Relena admired his persistence if nothing else. "Do you know how long I've been trying to catch that man?"

"How long? I didn't even know you _liked _men."

"Very funny, Relena." He rebuked unamused.

"Dorothy would have liked it…" Relena mused.

"Do you?" Milliardo insisted.

"Fine. I'll record the conversation."

"All conversations."

"Okay. But _I _will be the one who decides whether you will listen to them or not."

He sighed in defeat.

* * *

154\. Aguacate

Relena watched the empty street for 5 minutes after her brother and his fiancée were gone before pulling out her phone and sending Heero a text.

_"See you tomorrow at the fairground. 2 PM. Don't be late. You've got some explaining to do."_

She reread it a few times afterwards, out of sheer anxiety, then headed to the kitchen in an attempt to distract herself. Unfortunately, the cook – who was responsible for groceries – had taken the week off and the only thing they had left was avocado. She checked her phone again and sighed, settling in for a long night.

* * *

**A.N.: **Bad week... Bad week for me, bad week for my writting. Apologies. I know you are anxious to see Heero and Relena on the same page again (honestly, I am too), but I'm following a timeline (or trying to) and right now Heero's with Trowa, Relena's at home and Dorothy's with Quatre. Hopefully, the next chapter will wrap this endless day up. :P


	23. Decisions

**_XXIII. _****_Decisions_**

* * *

155\. Underlayment

Quatre put his elbows on the table and leaned forward, looking determined. Dorothy immediately knew what was coming so she let herself sag in her seat with a huff. He looked just as her father used to when he was about to have a serious conversation with her.

"We need to get things straight, Dorothy. To get all doubts out of their way or things won't slide."

"Slide?" she questioned, eyebrows raised half in confusion half in amusement as her brain compiled malicious uses for the word 'slide'.

"It's a rug metaphor… Never mind. Will you start? Or should I?"

* * *

156\. Histrionics

"Do you know how long I have waited for a chance to talk to you?" Dorothy slammed her fork on the table then threw her head back and covered her teary eyes with her forearm.

Quatre frowned, blinking rapidly as he tried to understand what had just happened. He gave up after a few seconds. "What are you doing? We talk all the time."

"You told me to start so I went for a little drama." She shrugged. "I am a very good actress, you know."

"I can see that, Dorothy, but I'm trying to be serious here."

"Very well…"

* * *

157\. Face-off

"I want a date." She said and crossed her arms to show how sure she was of her decision.

"Okay."

"On your father's private jet."

"What?! I can't ask my father that!" Quatre told her, horrified by the idea. Dorothy may be a spoilt child running loose, but he was responsible and reliable. "No."

"No?" her eyebrows rose and her eyes widened threateningly, but Quatre wasn't falling for it. He could be relentless too.

"My sister runs one of the best Arabian restaurants of the city. I'll make reservations. How about Wednesday?"

Dorothy shrugged. "I guess it'll have to do."

* * *

158\. Suitor

Quatre put another plate inside the dish washer and smiled to himself. He liked that homey thing they had going on… He wondered what it would be like when they were actually together or when they got married. Should he ask Dorothy's father for her hand? Maybe her grandfather? Would she like that? She didn't seem very traditional…

Dorothy liked to spice things up. She liked to add drama and intrigue and set up a mood. She wanted her life to be like a movie. He wasn't sure he knew how to do that, but… He was willing to try.

* * *

159\. Seafarer

He was making up the bed in one of the guest rooms when Dorothy appeared at the door. For once she looked serious, even a little apprehensive. He stopped to watch her fidget.

"Do you like sea food?" she asked.

"I like all kinds of foods." Quatre answered with a reassuring smile.

"What do you say we have our date tomorrow? There's a great sea food restaurant only a fifteen minute drive from here."

"We could have 2 dates." He agreed. "One tomorrow and another on Wednesday."

Dorothy nodded and made a curtsy. "Thank you for being my hostage tonight."

* * *

160\. Ventail

"Don't forget you still owe me a few questions." Quatre reminded her as she turned to leave.

Dorothy smirked. She had sort of expected that, that's why she had prepared her battle armour (aka nightgown). "We'll renegotiate those." She informed, giving him her most seductive smile.

He crossed his arms stubbornly. "I won't fall for that."

"Some tricks always work…"

Quatre smile. "You won't distract me that easily."

Dorothy leaned closer, smiling suggestively and showed a little more bosom than her mother would have thought appropriate. "We'll discuss that tomorrow… after our date."

Hypnotised by her white skin, he nodded.

* * *

161\. Harelip

Dorothy went to bed happy that night. She just knew her date would be a success and from then on who knew what might happen? She only had to make sure neither Heero nor Duo spilled the beans… Maybe she could hire someone to threaten them, kick their sorry asses or give them split lips.

"No." Dorothy told herself. She would not allow those criminals to hold her hostage in such a way, would not give them the means to blackmail her. "No." she repeated with conviction. She could not involve more people… She had to tell Quatre the truth.


	24. Fairground (Part 1)

**_XXIV. _****_Fairground (Part 1)_**

* * *

162\. Rancour

"She's gonna hate you forever." Duo informed him as they searched the endless crowd.

"Then _why _did you advise me to tell her the truth?" Heero raised an eyebrow to show just how eager he was to hear the explanation. "And _what _are you doing here?"

"Catherine invited me to see the show!" the braided man raised his hands to prove his innocence. It was when they spotted Relena, standing by the merry-go-round, shifting from foot-to-foot.

"Stay out of my way." Heero ordered and left Duo behind without waiting for an answer. The braided man could only roll his eyes.

* * *

163\. Cesspit

"What possessed you to pick this place?" he asked when he met up with her. It was simply out of curiosity, but Relena crossed her arms defensively.

"What's wrong with it?"

"It's crowded."

"I thought it would be less suspicious if we went for the opposite of what we really wanted."

"Come. There's a quiet spot behind the circus tent where they throw the animals' waste."

Relena followed reluctantly. "Wouldn't that be trespassing?" she strived to keep up with his fast strides.

"I have a friend who works at the circus…which makes this place the perfect choice."

She smiled satisfactorily.

* * *

164\. Turncoat

"Is it true?" she asked as the crowds around them grew thinner. "What my brother said about you…"

"It depends." Heero looked around cautiously as they moved.

"It depends?" Relena frowned. "Depends on what?"

"Whose side are you on? His? Or mine?" he turned to face her as they reached the restricted area.

"Is this some sort of test? Where no matter what I answer I always turn out to be untrustworthy?"

"What?" he frowned, though her concepts of the criminal world actually amused him. "I am not trying to trick you. I just need to know where we stand."

* * *

165\. Liegeman

Relena waited for him to close the gate and stepped closer. "I wish to be on your side – without angering my brother, of course – but first I need to know the truth… I need to know if I can trust you."

Heero sighed, knowing he would never be able to deny those eyes anything. "It's true. I'm a hired gun."

She paled lightly, causing him to step forward. "I'm alright, I… I did think it was true."

"I'm at your service." He offered. "One death – free of charge – for your troubles."

"Are you serious?" she asked and burst out laughing.

* * *

166\. Legate

"There's one more thing I need to know…"

Heero's fists clenched and his jaw clamped shut. He knew what she was going to ask – of course, he did – and suddenly he wished she would just continue laughing.

"The day I met you… Were you there to kill Mrs. Berkley?"

"No."

"So…" he nodded and she gasped. "Me?"

"Yes."

Her hand started shaking so she held onto the fence. "Who sent you?" she asked in an angry whisper.

"That I cannot tell, but I am still at your service. If you won't give me a target, let me protect you instead."

* * *

167\. Paronomasia

"Why?" Relena asked, shaking her head in disbelief. "You think they will send someone else?"

"I want to make it up to you." He was dead serious.

"You are not joking." She half-asked half-stated just to be sure.

"No."

Relena watched him thoughtfully for a long moment. "I will hire you as my bodyguard then, but I want you to use the money to go to college."

Heero frowned. "This is all I know how to do."

"Yes." She said softly, taking a step closer so she could look him deep in the eyes. "But it's not who you are."

* * *

168\. Vibrissa

There was something about the way their eyes met… Something electrical that made every hair in his body stand on its end, that made him lean towards her when he saw her lips part. He could almost taste the mint in her breath when she pushed him away lightly.

"No." she said softly, almost sorry, and tilted her head up to meet his gaze again. "You're still on probation." Heero stepped back hesitantly and nodded. "And now, Mr. Bull's Eye, we are going to visit a couple shooting galleries so you can win me some prizes." Relena smiled.

"Mission accepted."

* * *

**A.N.: **I like how reasonable and forgiving Relena is. Maybe too much? I claim literary license. Well, she does like to play with fire... Oh, and if any of you, guys, are/were waiting for that pirate GW story I'd promised, I have finally started writing it. \o/ And, if everything goes according to plan, it should be up still this month. :)


	25. Fairground (Part 2)

**_XXV. _****_Fairground (Part 2)_**

* * *

169\. Rhizome

"Please, sir… If you keep scoring I will have no prizes left to give…" the moustached man moaned.

Relena smiled sympathetically. "Don't worry. We'll only take the giant teddy bear. Heero, let me try."

The assassin frowned. That would ruin his combo… And he had meant to reach 100 consecutive hits. Had the targets moved faster… "Here."

"Thank you." She smiled, accepting the gun. The first shot she fired was a complete miss and the moustached man sighed, relieved.

"Imagine that you are rooted to the ground." Heero advised. "Now, straighten your back…"

He supported her arms and Relena fired.

* * *

170\. Orthography

"Look! A fortune teller!"

Heero scowled. He thought carrying a giant teddy bear around was humiliation enough, but as – in her enthusiasm – Relena pulled him by the hand, he refrained from complaining. "It's a statue." He realised upon closer inspection.

"You insert a coin and she gives you a written message. I thought you had been here before…"

"Never for _fun_."

"Oh… Just business?"

"Just…" he shook his head. "Do you need a coin?"

"Thank you." She smiled and pushed the coin in. The statue moved her hands slowly over her crystal ball, hinges screeching, then spit out a card.

* * *

171\. Farrago

"What does it say?"

She turned the card in her hands, frowning. "Nothing. It's a very awkward assortment of words…" she handed him the paper.

Heero read it. Twice. Thrice. And frowned. "Makes no sense."

"I know!"

"Is there anyone we can complain to?"

"Complain?" she asked, trying not to laugh at his seriousness.

"We _paid_ for this."

"Oh, well…"

"I'll ask Trowa about it."

Relena tilted her head curiously. "Is that your friend? The one you said worked for the circus? Are we staying for their next performance?" She clearly wanted to.

Heero gave her a long look. "Hn."

* * *

172\. Cloudburst

"Oh, my God! Mr. Snuggles!" she shouted over the sudden downpour, squinting her eyes against the raindrops.

Heero glanced at the monstrosity underneath his arm. "Even if I gave it all my clothes we still wouldn't be able to save it."

"You would get naked for him?" even with the rain she could see him blush as he opened his mouth to protest. "That's so sweet!"

"Hn."

"Is there a place we can go for shelter?"

He nodded, taking her hand. "Come. Let's run."

And as they rushed through the fairground, her laughter – in his ears – was louder than thunder.

* * *

173\. Capote

Catherine glanced at the bathroom door, making sure Relena was still inside before turning to Heero with reproachful eyes. "So? Be honest, Heero. You thought we weren't home and you were planning to seduce her. Well, let me tell you… My home is _not _a motel."

"You insult me." He informed her, crossing his arms as masterfully as he could being drenched. "So? Do you have a pair of raincoats we can borrow?"

Catherine rolled her eyes and huffed. "We probably have raincoats somewhere…"

"Actually, if you had 3…"

"What for?"

"Mr. Sn—." He cleared his throat. "The bear."

* * *

174\. Hypocorism

When Relena finished drying up and stepped out of the bathroom, she found Catherine having a fit of laughter and Heero looking put out. "What happened?" she asked with a smile.

"The teddy bear has a name." the red haired girl told her.

"And a nickname too." Relena added sweetly.

Catherine gaped. "A nickname?"

"Everyone has nicknames." The blonde explained.

"Heero doesn't."

Two pairs of eyes were suddenly on him and Heero shifted uncomfortably. "I have a short name. It's unnecessary."

"We'll make up one." The ladies said in unison and shared the smile of accomplices. It didn't bode well.

* * *

175\. Singlet

"If you don't mind, Catherine, I'll borrow a dry shirt from Trowa."

"Oh, no, Heero. You are not escaping us."

"I am not trying to." He lied.

"Right…" she did not buy it.

"Relena and I don't want to miss the next performance."

"Don't you participate?" the blonde asked the other girl excitedly.

"Of course, I do! I am the best knife thrower in the entire planet!"

Heero used the opportunity to slip into the bedroom. He did _not _need a nickname, though he was glad Relena and Catherine seemed to be getting along. The thought almost made him smile.


	26. Double Dating

**_XXVI. _****_Double Dating_**

* * *

176\. Outlander

Relena was fascinated. He could tell by the way her mouth hung slightly open and her sparkling eyes ran all over the tent. Heero could not help a small smile as he watched her.

"Have you never been to the circus?"

"I have. To _Cirque du Soleil_, but never to a _circus _circus."

"I'm sure Catherine will give you the full experience."

The red haired girl had promised to give her a complete tour and Relena was looking forward to it.

"Thank you." She met his eyes once they were seated. "For bringing me."

Her sincerity touched him. "You're welcome."

* * *

177\. Gegenschein

"You look radiant this morning."Quatre commented with a wide smile as Dorothy descended the stairs.

"Seriously?" she gave him her incredulous dead-fish look. "Radiant? Is that the best you can do? That's for pregnant women, Winner."

"Oh…Sorry."

"Have you never been on a date before?" Dorothy asked this time gently.

"My father has arranged many dates for me before, but…never with someone I truly liked." The confession made him blush.

"Oh, it's alright." She waved a hand, blushing herself. "Let's go get some brunch…" as she walked by him she purred in his ear. "Next time just call me 'sexy'."

* * *

178\. Flapjack

Quatre looked at her pancakes and blinked. "I thought we were having seafood."

"We are. I just had a craving." She waved him off.

"I thought you had said you weren't pregnant…" he smirked.

"I never said that." Dorothy hid her own smirk behind a forkful then frowned. "Don't you remember what happened last night?"

"We had dinner, did the dishes and went to bed. We went to bed, right?" Quatre paled. "_Separate _beds."

"Oh, relax. Of course, I'm not pregnant. You really think it would happen this fast?"

"What about last night? Dorothy! Dorothy, wait! What happened last night?"

* * *

179\. Clavus

When the first knife flew out of Catherine's hand and hit the wall beside Trowa's ankle, Relena gasped behind her hand. In the gloom of the tent, Heero's lips curved upwards.

"Who is that poor guy?"

"That's Trowa."

"Your friend?" she turned to him wide-eyed.

"And Catherine's brother."

"She's throwing knives at her brother? I could never do that."

"Around him, actually. You get used to it. Overexposure to fear and adrenaline makes the body grow used to them."

"Is that what happened to you? With your job?"

"No." he shook his head slowly, sadly. "You never stop feeling guilty."

* * *

180\. Rubella

"You really want to know what happened last night?" Dorothy asked as they pulled out of the diner and back into the road. "This! This is what happened last night."

Quatre leaned over the handbrake and squinted, trying to see whatever it was she was pointing at on her neck. "I don't see anything…"

"Look _closer._"

He did and the tip of his nose nearly brushed her skin. "A mosquito bite?"

"Mosquito bite_s_. The six legged monsters made a banquet out of me! I have bites in places you cannot even imagine."

Quatre blushed, cleared his throat and looked away.

* * *

181\. Hothouse

Catherine paused amidst removing her makeup to give him a serious look. "Did you tell her the truth?" she asked in a whisper. Relena was in the other room, meeting the rest of the performers.

"Yes." Heero answered truthfully.

"And she stuck with you?" her eyes widened. "Well… You got lucky this time, but don't ignore my advice again." She turned back to the mirror. "Nurture her like a flower, Heero. You won't ever find another woman that willing to put up with your manias."

He rolled his eyes behind her back and quietly wished she would drop the metaphors.

* * *

182\. Cinder

"Ah, look who's here!" Duo failed in sounding genuinely surprised. "How's your date going?"

"It's not a date."

The braided man looked around the empty dressing room as if expecting Relena to walk out of nowhere at any moment. "Looks a little dead to me… Have ya' put out the flames of passion with your icy attitude yet?" Heero glared, hoping that would be enough to shut the meddler up, but Duo was a real daredevil. "You need my help! I get it, buddy. I'm a specialist at wooing the ladies."

"Why isn't anyone able to mind their own business?"

* * *

**A.N.: **No one thinks Heero can do it on his own... XD


	27. Pitter-patter

**_XXVII. _****_Pitter-patter_**

* * *

183\. Gaberdine

_"This _is what you need."

Heero blinked…slowly. "A dust coat?"

"It'll make ya' look badass!" Duo assured him waving the black leather coat up and down.

"Where did you even get that?"

"This is a circus, man. They have all sorts of stuff. I'd add a red clown nose to break the monotony too, give it a touch of humour, but that's just me."

"So is the long coat."

"Come on, Mr. Killer. This beauty here will hide all your guns." Duo snickered. "Maybe not _all _of them… Unless you button it up, which would _not _look cool."

"Definitely not."

* * *

184\. Amylum

"You should take her out to eat." Trowa offered his own advice when he appeared to remove his makeup.

"Why out? Place is full of food stands!" Duo protested. "They could have hot dogs and pretzels… And ice cream for dessert!"

"She's high-class, Maxwell. He needs to take her to Tubarov's or some other fancy restaurant."

Heero watched them quietly, massaging his temples and fighting back an exasperated sigh.

"Tubarov's, man?" the braided man grimaced. "If you're taking her somewhere go where they have steak."

"Steak isn't fancy."

"It is if there's a basket with bread."

"An Italian restaurant then."

* * *

185\. Coppice

"What you need…" Catherine started as soon as she returned. "Is to take her somewhere nice, somewhere where she can watch the stars. Like the Royal Gardens."

"Catherine…" Heero started unfriendly.

"No, she's right." Trowa agreed promptly. "A beautiful night always follows a rain like this."

"Catherine, _where_ is she?" Heero finally managed to ask.

The red haired woman looked over her shoulder only to find no one. "Oh, God… I lost her."

Heero let out a deep breath, refusing to say a word about it, then simply stood up, picked up his jacket and walked out of the room.

* * *

186\. Planchet

Relena found him standing by the open tent flaps, staring out at the rain. "Are you alright?" she asked, holding his arm. "They said you were looking for me."

"It's still raining." He said matter-of-factly, frowning to himself, and she noticed he seemed trouble.

"Trowa said the fortune teller only speaks Romani, that's why we didn't understand the card… He also said we're not getting our money back."

Heero watched her closely… Her eyes, her smile. She was great. He had messed up. She had forgiven him. He had really wanted to take her stargazing. "It's still raining." He repeated.

* * *

187\. Embrocation

"What is it?" she asked, rubbing his arm absent-mindedly, trying to soothe him.

Heero watched her hand transfixed. He had never had that kind of attention and care ever since his mother... "What is what?"

She smiled gently at his confusion. "What is troubling you?"

"It's nothing." He said, avoiding her wide sparkly eyes afraid she might be able to see behind his mask and into his soul if he didn't.

"Was there somewhere you wanted to go?" Maybe avoiding her eyes wasn't enough… Maybe he should get a pair of sunglasses. "Because there's a place _I _want to go…"

* * *

188\. Footpad

She had stolen his idea. Without knowing. The idea he had stolen from Catherine. An idea that was so cliché it might as well be considered public domain.

She had stolen it.

In a way.

From the top of the Ferris wheel, he watched the raindrops falling and it felt like they were locked in their own private world. A world that was grey and wet and yet warm and cosy at the same time.

"Sanc Kingdom looks beautiful from up here." She said quietly. "Sad, but beautiful."

"Yes…" his eyes traced the perfect lines of her parted lips. "Beautiful."

* * *

189\. Stripling

She met his eyes and knew the compliment was addressed at her. He looked as if life had suddenly gained a complete new meaning and he had no idea what to make of it. She feared she might be feeling the same, though also young and impulsive like she hadn't felt in years… Her heart was racing, her thoughts were racing.

_Time _was racing.

The pitter-patter of the rain against the car's windows was all they could hear. Relena reached out, sliding her hands into his hair and – before she could change her mind – closed her eyes and kissed him.

* * *

**A.N.: **Thank you very much, guys, for the kind reviews and the constant support. :) Next week: Dorothy tells Quatre the truth. Let's see how that goes. Hahah


	28. The Spoilt and The Unforgiving

**_XXVIII. _****_The Spoilt and The Unforgiving_**

* * *

190\. Flunky

"Have you chosen yet?" Dorothy asked, spying on Quatre over the menu.

"No. Do you think I should have the shrimp risotto or the lobster?" he knitted his eyebrows, squinting at the menu in concentration.

"Get both." She said, rolling her eyes. "We're rich."

Quatre smiled satisfied. "Okay." he put down the booklet and gestured to the waiter. "I _am _starving."

Normally, Dorothy wouldn't give a damn who her words hurt so that nervousness was unfamiliar to her. It didn't help that Quatre was always so accepting… At that moment, the cuteness of his smile only pissed her off more.

* * *

191\. Gastropod

"I want escargot." Dorothy said simply and abandoned the menu on the table.

The waiter paled. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but we don't have French dishes."

"_Ma'am_?!" she asked, crossing her arms.

"I… I'm sorry… Uh… _Miss_." The man stuttered and sweat under her merciless stare. Quatre gave him a reassuring smile that didn't help. At all.

"Don't be sorry. _Do _something!" Dorothy's eyes widened and the waiter dashed away and into the kitchen.

"Dorothy." Quatre took her hand, smiling calmly.

She was so surprised she froze, gaping at their joined limbs. He met her eyes, shook his head and chuckled.

* * *

192\. Tegument

"Why are you so nice to me?" Dorothy asked, and what she had meant to be an aggressive demand came out as a painful whisper.

Quatre frowned as if the answer was supposed to be obvious. "Because I like you."

She was touched by the admission, but the truth was he only knew who she was on the outside… When he got past her skin he would no longer like her. "You barely know me."

"I know you're spoilt and angry and kind and tough."

"I'm a horrible person, Quatre."

He shook his head smiling. "You just _think _you are."

* * *

193\. Ophthalmologist

"And you're beautiful." Quatre continued in his mission to cheer her up.

Dorothy felt guilt heavy in her stomach. It was as alien and unwelcome a feeling as having a pebble in her shoe. "I hired Yuy. I hired him to kill Relena."

His eyes widened and he shook his head, gaping in disbelief. "You're not so beautiful after all…"

She could not help glaring. "You should get your eyes checked. I think you might need glasses. I'm _mean _not ugly."

"It was an ugly thing you did."

"It was a very good plan." She protested. "Heero… He_ needs_ glasses!"

* * *

194\. Excursus

"Dorothy, we are off topic."

"Oh, no we're not." She waved a very long, very threatening finger at him. "You called me ugly… I should have _you _killed. Heero may be blind enough to fall for Relena, but he cannot be blind enough to fall for you. Oh, no! Not as blind as I am, he can't."

"Wait…" Quatre waved his hands, frowning. "What?"

"You're right." Dorothy quickly amended. "We're off topic. Let's go back to how _not _ugly I am."

"Dorothy… Did you just… Did you…" he shook his head. "Am I the reason why you hired Heero Yuy?"

* * *

195\. Teetotum

For a moment, Dorothy wondered what she should do… Lie? Or tell the truth? It was a very serious decision, but she figured it couldn't be worse than telling him she had hired a gunman to off his best friend. No, certainly not. Besides the cards were already on the table anyways and she _had _promised herself she would be honest. For once.

"Yes, you are."

"Why?" Quatre sounded nearly frightened.

"Because – despite my international beauty certification – you only seemed to have eyes for Miss Pink Princess. Besides… All's fair in love and war. And _this, _my dear, is _both_."

* * *

196\. Harmonium

Quatre watched her quietly. Dorothy was a symphony of ups and downs, an improvident child of Romefeller. She would never admit it, but she expected him to forgive her. In her eyes it was a sure thing, simple, but even though he admired her brashness he could not forgive someone who wasn't truly repentant. All was fair in times of war, but war and love did not go well together.

"You tried to _kill _someone, Dorothy."

"I thought that had already been established?" she raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, but I can't forgive you just yet… First, you must apologise."

* * *

**A.N.: **I don't see Dorothy apologising... What do you think? Hehe


	29. Parasites

**_XXIX. _****_Parasites_**

* * *

197\. Twelvemonth

Relena walked around her bedroom, trying to find the right spot for Mr. Snuggles. Quatre sat on her bed, lamenting. "They tried to _kill _you, Relena."

"Well…" Relena placed the teddy on her desk, frowned and picked it up again. "I'm still here."

"Are you even listening to me?" Quatre frowned as she moved the bear to yet another spot, then changed her mind.

"I _am _listening. I just…" she shrugged, smiling fondly at the teddy.

"Will you at least let your brother arrest Yuy?"

"No."

"You know Milliardo's been working on this case for years."

"My answer's still 'no'."

* * *

198\. Fancier

"You did _what_?" Heero was so shocked he did not even move as Dorothy walked into his flat. Then he closed his eyes and took a very –very – deep breath, trying to control his sudden trigger itch. There was no time… He had to leave the country before Winner had him arrested.

"Oh, don't look so scared." Dorothy waved a hand dismissively, flopping down on his couch. "All Quatre wants is for me to be sorry."

He wasn't buying it. "Do you have a death wish?"

"Hum…" she played with her long hair thoughtfully. "I like to play with fire."

* * *

199\. Pileus

Relena shook her head. "This isn't right."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you." Quatre was relived she finally seemed to see reason.

"No… Mr. Snuggles just doesn't fit in here… He's like a hairy fungus in the middle of an otherwise perfect bread."

Quatre sighed hopelessly.

"I think I'll take him to Heero's place." She smiled widely at that and hugged the bear.

"You can't go to his place. He wants to kill you!"

"We settled that yesterday." She informed him casually.

"You saw him yesterday too?"

"Yes."

"And you thought that Mr. Snuggles was the parasitic fungus."

* * *

200\. Bezant

"I won't let you run away." Dorothy informed him masterfully.

Heero raised an eyebrow then casually pulled out his pistol – already equipped with a muffler – and turned it in his hands as if inspecting it. The woman started to laugh.

"You're mad." He told her, trying very hard not to sound as creeped out as he felt.

"What do you want? To convince you to stay." Dorothy asked, crossing her legs and leering at him. "More money? A good lawyer? 'Cause I can provide whatever you want."

"I'm done negotiating with you."

"No, you're not. You still owe me Winner."

* * *

201\. Luminary

"He's not a parasite!" Relena protested, gaping at her friend in outrage.

"Yes, he is. He preys on people's lives."

"What about Dorothy?" she gave him raised eyebrows and a wide-eyed look. "Why don't you turn _her _in?"

"I never said I wasn't going to." Quatre crossed his arms. "Actually, that's a brilliant idea. Let's go to your brother together and get them both arrested."

"Yes, Quatre, that _is _brilliant." Relena wasn't very big on sarcasm, but she knew how to use it.

Quatre, who secretly agreed with her, sighed in defeat. "What do _you _think we should do then?"

* * *

202\. Artifice

Heero did not trust Dorothy. Not at all. Still… There was no way he could get her arrested without implicating himself which meant he would have to make use of every asset he had to get rid of her. Or he could just knock her out and make a run for it. If he made it to the colonies no one would ever find him again.

Unless he wanted them to…

He'd want Relena to find him, but if she did so would Dorothy. Or worse… Zechs.

"If I give you Winner… Will you leave me alone?"

She grinned widely.

* * *

203\. Agendum

"You gave him a second chance." Quatre resumed what she had just said with a sceptical tone.

"Yes."

"And you would give Dorothy a second chance too?"

"Yes, but no thirds." Relena raised her finger with a serious frown. "Not for Dorothy. Even though… Technically… I would never have met Heero if not for her." Quatre was prepared to tell her that Heero didn't deserve third chances either when the thoughtful look on her face had his jaw snapping shut. "You said you have a date with her. You should go. Give her a second chance too."

"Well, I… Okay."


	30. Accessory to a Crime

**_XXX. _****_Accessory to a Crime_**

* * *

204\. Necrology

He did not know who he was anymore. Heero Yuy heartless selfish well-focused killing machine was gone, brutally murdered by a pair of big sparkly eyes, soft pink lips and shiny dark blonde hair. It was humiliating, it was pathetic… It was his own damn fault.

"Hi." Relena said smiling when he opened the door.

"Hi." He answered, already running out of oxygen, and reached out to kiss her as if she could share her air with him.

Heero Yuy was suicidal. He died a new death every time he met her and yet… Dying had never felt so good.

* * *

205\. Carrefour

"Quatre and Dorothy have a date and I want to help." She explained why she would not be able to stay.

"I am supposed to." he told her and Relena frowned. "Long story."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Kidnapping Winner." He shrugged nonchalantly.

"You can't do _that_!" she placed her hands on his chest as if to stop him.

"Dorothy did it."

"Yes, but he got into her car _voluntarily_."

Heero ran a quick plan through his head. "I can do that."

She met his determined eyes and sighed. "How about I tell you what _I_ had in mind?"

* * *

206\. Vendee

Relena was a law student. She was studying to convince people to see things from her point-of-view and yet… Relena could not sell her romantic plan to a gunman. Nope. Heero was _not _buying it.

"If we drug him, he'll get into the car with us. With _you. _He'll only know he's been kidnapped when we have him safely locked away." he sounded confident.

She wondered what Dorothy would have done… Dorothy always got what she wanted.

Relena pulled her neckline further down, leaned forward, let her hair cascade over her shoulder, blinked her doe eyes. "What about my plan?"

* * *

207\. Amphetamine

His eyes were still lost on her skin when he vaguely realised what he'd done. Relena clapped her hands, overexcited with his agreement to her candle lit, flower scented, _bloodless_ plan.

"We're going to need paper and colourful markers and chocolate and one of those…"

She went on and on and Heero could only turn to Mr. Snuggles for support. There wasn't any there... "Isn't the restaurant romantic enough?"

"We're just helping to steer their conversation in the right direction." She answered in a single breath.

He sighed. If things went wrong, they could always turn back to his plan.

* * *

208\. Veiling

"Why am _I _doing this?" Trowa asked as Relena straightened his Arabian waiter uniform.

"Because Winner already knows me." Heero informed him simply.

"You could wear a beard…and glasses."

"We cannot risk Quatre unveiling our plans." Relena pleaded with him.

"_Your _plans." Heero reminded her nonchalantly.

She rolled her eyes discreetly. "_My _plans." The she turned back to Trowa. "_His _plan was to kidnap Quatre."

"Kidnap Winner? Did you know his father has a whole Arabian militia working for him?"

"His father wouldn't know. _No one _would know."

Trowa met Relena's eyes. "Blinded by confidence."

She smiled. "Confidence is good."

* * *

209\. Enchiridion

"There're two entrances besides the main one… One for the staff, that one's open. The second one's locked."

"I could use the staff entrance. I'm supposed to be staff."

"What are you doing?" Relena leaned over Heero's shoulder. The restaurant's blueprint took his laptop's entire screen.

"Finding a way to get Trowa inside. They don't have that many employees… You'll get caught right away."

"But…" she tried.

"Can't you hack into their system and put me on the list?" Trowa asked.

"We don't have time..."

"I've already told Quatre's sister!" Relena finally managed to cut in. "We're good to go."

* * *

210\. Pettifogger

"It was very low of you to involve Winner's sister." He meant it as a compliment. Relena could see how happy he was to have access to the restaurant's security cameras. Of course, she had not told Quatre's sister she would be enlisting the help of a homicide.

"Thank you." She smiled.

"Will you be my lawyer?" he met her eyes, serious. "If ever I need one…"

She knew she couldn't. They were involved and he… He was guilty. Could she lie, distort the facts to save him? He believed she could. He believed she was that good.

"I will."

* * *

**A.N.: **I'm really happy with some of this week's drabbles which is rare for me. Hahah Let's hope next week's will be even better! Thank you, all, so much for your reviews! :D And for those of you who are following _Tales _a new chapter will be up this week, probably on Friday! Arrrr! \o/


	31. Operation Date (Part 1)

**_XXXI. _****_Operation Date (Part 1)_**

* * *

211\. Aviary

"Eagle to Hawk."

"Hawk speaking."

"The chickens are in the pen. Repeat. The chickens are in the pen."

"Roger that."

"I'll keep you posted. Eagle out." Heero put down the communicator to find Relena frowning awkwardly at him.

"Where are the chicken?" she asked.

"Dorothy and Quatre are the chicken."

"Oh… And you and Trowa…" there was a pause and Heero could sense it did not bode well. "What am I?"

"You're…" he gave her a once over. "You're a dove."

"So I'm _lunch_. I think I'd rather be a swan."

"You're not lunch, Relena… You're a symbol of peace."

* * *

212\. Pyrite

Quatre gave their waiter a careful once over. "Where's Abdul?"

"He has been reassigned, Mr. Winner. I am new here, sir, and your sister saw it fit to let me practice with you."

The blonde's mouth curved downwards. "This is an important night." He whispered, making sure that Dorothy was distracted enough by the menu first.

"I know, sir. That's why I've brought these."

"What are those?"

"Conversations starters."

Before Quatre could protest, Dorothy seized the card pile. "Oh, this will be _fun_."

"Are you really a waiter?" the blonde eyed his sister's employee suspiciously.

"Don't I look like one?"

* * *

213\. Sectionalism

"Why are you so worried about the waiter?" Dorothy asked as she flipped through the cards.

"We've only ever had Arabian waiters…" he mumbled. Truth was he was still angry at her and Quatre wasn't used to being angry so he had no idea what to do.

"These are very odd cards…" she commented and he promptly snatched one from her hands.

"_Have you ever done something that you later regretted?_" he read.

"See?" Dorothy told him matter-of-factly. "Odd. Odd cards."

"Have you, Dorothy?" Quatre insisted.

"If I regret hiring a _gardener _to take care of the _weeds_?"

"Do you?"

* * *

214\. Pastille

"Of course, had I known there were other options I wouldn't have resorted to that one…" Dorothy sounded very casual as she focused on her plate.

"You're giving me palliative treatment, Dorothy. I want the cure!"

"It's a virus. There _is _no cure. You have to adapt." She saw him prepare a retort and waved another card at him. "See here? _How important do you think it is to forgive each other's mistakes? _I think _very_."

"Then you admit it was a mistake."

"It was a mistake." Dorothy conceded. "Does that ease your anger?"

Quatre sighed. "Yes, kind of does."

* * *

215\. Sheepcote

"_Tell me about your friends._" Dorothy read another card. Quatre's lips curved downwards. Relena was a touchy subject between them, but he had promised her he would give Dorothy a second chance so…

"Relena seems happy." He told her. "With the serial killer… She seems…happy."

"It's hard to let go, isn't it?" she rested her face on her hand, cocking it gracefully to the side. She looked so angelic Quatre had to remind himself she was a wolf in sheep's clothing.

"You think I'm losing her?"

"If you do, you'll still have me." Dorothy took his hand.

He let her.

* * *

216\. Costermonger

"You're like a salesman on Valentine's Day in a post-apocalyptic world trying to make the one sale that will save your wife and seven children from starving to death." Relena explained seriously.

"What?" Trowa's voice answered.

"You're a salesman and you must make the sale at all costs so you _must _keep them happy."

"If they start arguing I'll intervene." He assured her.

"Thank you."

She cut the communication to find Heero watching her with an awkward look on his face. "_Seven _children?" he asked incredulously.

"It's a post-apocalyptic world."

"And?"

"There's strength in numbers."

He shook his head hopelessly.

* * *

217\. Cembalo

"_Do you play any instruments?_" Dorothy read another question. They had decided to make a little trial and see how many questions they could answer in 1 minute. Quatre had bet 8. She had bet 5.

"The violin and the piano." He answered.

"The instruments I play are…unmentionable." she bit her lip, smiling suggestively. "At least in front of the waiter."

"You're sabotaging us." The blonde man accused her, his face flushed from either anger or embarrassment. "Hurry up, Dorothy!"

"Chocolate?" Trowa offered.

"Not now!" they yelled at him in unison and, when their eyes met, they burst out laughing.


	32. Operation Date (Part 2)

**_XXXIII. _****_Operation Date (Part 2)_**

* * *

218\. Oenophile

"What do you like most about me?"

"That's not on the card, Dorothy." Quatre laughed giving her a knowing smile. "You're making up questions."

"What if I am?" Dorothy shrugged, smiling cheekily. "I still want the answers."

"Well… You're evil and degenerate and you do _not _play by the rules so I guess there _must _be a reason why I asked you out tonight."

"Because I made you." She whispered the answer to him conspiratorially.

"I wouldn't have come if I hadn't wanted to." Quatre smiled honestly at her.

"Am I drunk, Winner? Or are you trying to seduce me?"

* * *

219\. Decrepitude

"What do you like most about me?"

Heero glanced discreetly at Relena out of the corner of his eye. She was watching him intently, waiting anxiously for his answer. He wanted to kill Dorothy for coming up with that stupid game, but first he had to deal with the situation… Maybe if he pretended not to have heard she would let it go.

"Heero? What do you like about me?"

Maybe not.

He sighed.

"You are…" he gave her a once over, but words failed him. "Elegant… Classic."

"Classic?"

"Your style's… Classic."

"Do I really dress like an old woman?"

* * *

220\. Polyglot

"I think we'd make a good couple." Quatre told her.

"Really?" Dorothy sounded genuinely surprised.

"We balance each other. I think together we can learn to speak each other's language, reach some sort of equilibrium."

"I'd love a taste of your native tongue." She told him suggestively.

"You wish to learn Arabic?" Quatre beamed, eyes sparkling. "You should've told me sooner! We could've…" Dorothy seemed to lose interest in the conversation. She circled the hem of her glass with a finger, giving him a heavy-lidded look and biting lightly on her lip.

"Oh… That was not what you meant."

"No."

* * *

221\. Unwieldy

Static broke the silence inside the car. "I hate this job." Trowa informed them serious and simply.

"The undercover agent job or the waiter one?" Relena asked with a frown he could not see.

"Both."

"Just bring them the bill with one of those motel advertising paper matches."

"Heero!" the young lady turned to him wide-eyed.

"Dorothy and Winner… It's clearly…"

"Getting serious." Trowa offered.

"Hn."

"We can't stand to watch them anymore."

"You, men, are such cry-babies…" Relena complained and – despite clearly not liking the title – they said nothing. "They're done eating. Offer them dessert."

"I hate this job."

* * *

222\. Petrolatum

"Would you like to order dessert now?"

"Oh…" Dorothy looked up as if surprised to see him there. "We're not done yet."

"You're… not?" he questioned, forcing out a smile while his fingers left marks on his notepad.

She met Quatre's eyes and smiled conspiratorially. "Of course not."

"Of course not." Trowa repeated under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, Miss. What is it you wish to order?"

He suggested some of the oiliest dishes on the menu. Dorothy didn't look like she would appreciate losing her figure much and – at that moment – he wanted to contribute to just that.

* * *

223\. Nutriment

Relena sighed. It wasn't the first time. The previous times Heero had chosen to ignore it, but since she kept doing it he was starting to feel like he was supposed to say something.

"What is it?"

"What?" she looked surprised. "Oh! It's nothing. I'm just hungry."

He turned to the animatedly chatting couple on his laptop's screen then back at her. "They seem to be getting along. Maybe we should call it a night."

Relena turned to him wide-eyed. "And leave Trowa behind?"

"He's probably going to get himself fired anyways."

She laughed at his optimism. "Alright... Let's go."

* * *

224\. Avidity

Quatre had – at some point – forgiven the woman in front of him. He had started finding her kinkiness amusing and lost himself in her very expressive shiny greyish eyes… Until the waiter cleared his throat.

"What is it now?" he asked in his gentlest tone, wearing his sweetest smile, though on the inside he was really quite annoyed.

"Mr. Winner, I'm quitting." Trowa said simply.

"What? _Now_?"

"Yes."

"Why? I mean… Can't it wait 'til the end of your shift?"

"No, it can't."

"Well, then… Are you sure about this?"

"Yes. Thank you for the opportunity."

And he walked out.

* * *

**A.N.: **So, as you probably already know, the site was experiencing some issues yesterday and people weren't able to login (that includes me) and that's why this update is one day late. It's also not good. I've been having a few rough weeks, dealing with personal problems and as hard as I try for that not to affect my writting... Well... Hopefully, next week will be better. Thanks, as always, for your support! :)


	33. Enemies and Allies

**_XXXIII. _****_Enemies and "Allies"_**

* * *

225\. Netherworld

Relena's happiness lasted but seconds when she got home to find her brother waiting for her with arms crossed and an arched eyebrow. "Where were you?"

"Out." She said walking past him.

"With Yuy?"

"Maybe."

"And where's the recording you made for me the other day?"

"What recording?"

The thing was safely hidden in a drawer amidst her pink underwear.

"I know his… mysterious insubordinate dangerous attitude can be… attractive to sweet innocent young ladies like…"

Relena made sure to give him her most vicious look. "Really, Milliardo?"

"Relena, you could fill an entire graveyard with the people he's killed!"

* * *

226\. Nectary

"I can't believe we're here again." Quatre commented as Dorothy opened the kitchen door.

"You never told me your people didn't drink alcohol." Dorothy slapped him on the shoulder reproachfully before starting to roam through cabinets. "Where do you think grandfather keeps his booze?"

"We _had _alcohol, Dorothy."

"Not _real _alcohol, _Quatre_."

"It's a religious thing." He explained. "So we try to abide to it as best as we can."

"How am I supposed to get you in bed with me when you're that tense?" she quirked an eyebrow.

"There has to be a cellar here somewhere!" he sounded confident.

* * *

227\. Thurible

In the darkness of her bedroom, Relena turned the recorder around in her hands. She knew Heero was no saint. She knew that recording could get him not only arrested but also convicted…

She couldn't bring herself to get rid of it.

The things he had said to her… She was kind of glad she had taped it so she could play it over and over.

No, Heero was definitely no saint, but he was good in his own way. He had done the only thing he knew how in order to survive. Anyone else would have done the same.

* * *

228\. Ossicle

Quatre admitted he had been a little terrified at the idea of going to bed with Dorothy so soon… Just a little run-around-in-circles-pulling-his-hair-out terrified, but he still did not think she needed to have gotten him inebriated, especially not for this.

"Pick one." She said, kneeling on the king sized bed, holding up two DVD boxes.

"I don't understand…" he blinked stupidly, his drunken brain practically dead.

"Horror movies. I know you hate them so I had to get you drunk for us to watch them together. So? _Ear Splitter _or _Bone Crusher_? Pick one and get under the covers!"

* * *

229\. Diffidence

Quatre could no longer fight the urge to pull the covers over his head. The alcohol had not worked… No, the alcohol had made his confused brain transform scary scenes into monstrous gory soul-wrenching sequences.

"I can't do this, Dorothy." He whined.

"It's only been five minutes!" she protested.

"I can't do this…"

Dorothy went quiet.

Everything went quiet.

He peeked out.

She was gone…

Quatre's heart started beating frantically, the adrenaline momentarily washing away what was left of his alcohol induced stupor. "Dorothy?"

Then someone grabbed him by the shoulders from behind and he forgot entirely how to breathe.

* * *

230\. Snuggery

Underneath her covers, in the inviolable safety of her self-made cave, Relena called Dorothy.

"What?" was the irritated answer she received.

"Can men really like women with a…. classic style?"

"Men have all sorts of awkward tastes. Grannies and little girls included, though those might both be quite criminal. Can I go back to bed now? Quatre's just passed out on me." Relena blushed furiously. Dorothy could tell. "Prude."

"I am not!"

"So… Are you dressing as an old lady or a schoolgirl?"

"I just want to look sexier… And a little less…"

"Decrepit."

"I was going to say respectable."

* * *

231\. Witless

Milliardo cared about his sister's happiness. Of course, he did. He just cared _more _about her safety and that was why he had been careful enough to install a tracker on the recorder.

Relena was too trusting and naïve to suspect his stainless honour and especially to think her panties' presence would be enough to stop him. Not that it wasn't horridly unsettling to dig through her underwear, but he had considered asking for Lucrezia's help and that was out of question. His fiancé would definitely tell Relena what he was up to. Only he could see the bigger picture.

* * *

**A.N.: **Thanks, guys, for all your kind words. It's good to know I'm not alone. :) I gave my computer a break this Labor Day and focused on reading and writting. I think I'm getting back on track. Hopefully I managed to bring back some of the humour to this entry as well. Hehe Thanks again! :D


	34. Merry-go-round

**_XXXIV. _****_Merry-go-round_**

* * *

232\. Rapport

"So you're her boyfriend now?" Trowa asked with a frown as they waited for Relena in the car.

"Bodyguard."

"Then it's strictly professional?"

"Yes."

"No holding hands, no kissing, no dating, no giving each other food…"

"No."

"Good morning!" Relena got in the car with a wide smile and a big plastic bag. "I brought you lunch." She said and leaned forward to kiss Heero on the cheek.

Trowa snickered. "No, not a boyfriend… A _lying _boyfriend."

"What are you talking about?"

"Catherine's ex." Heero hurriedly told her, glaring at his friend.

"He lived in denial for a long time."

* * *

233\. Callback

Milliardo was already waiting for her when she arrived at the university. She had no idea how he had managed that.

"Do you spend every minute of every day with _him_ now?" Relena looked over her shoulder at Heero who frowned lightly. "What is he doing picking you up and driving you around?"

"Uh… Hmm…" she had no idea how to tell him she had hired the assassin.

"Never mind." Milliardo regained his composure. "I need to talk to him."

Relena had not expected that. "Why?"

He smirked. "Because of _this_."

The recorder was like a detonator in his hand.

* * *

234\. Abstemious

It was a good thing for Milliardo his sister was a well-educated well-mannered person for, had she been one of those temperamental women who followed their instincts without a second thought, she would be pulling at his very long shiny immaculate blonde hair. She would bury her hands and forearms to the elbow in it and she would tousle and knot it and make a mess so great the only way he would ever be able to get his hair back to any resemblance of order would be to shave it all off and wait for it to grow back.

* * *

235\. Emporium

"That's _mine_." She informed him with cold propriety.

"No, it's not." He raised the recorder higher as if afraid she might try to snatch it from him.

"You _gave _it to me therefore it's mine." Relena glared. "I need it. Give it back."

"Buy another one." Her brother told her masterfully, but then his eyes fell on Heero and he smirked. "Or you may keep _his_…"

"What?" she paled, making her new bodyguard's frown turn into a scowl.

"I'm sure a professional killer's house in swarming with high tech equipment… When he goes to prison you may keep it all."

* * *

236\. Danseuse

"The ballet." Milliardo said seriously. "Tonight. Lucrezia's performing. We'll have enough time to negotiate."

"Negotiate?" Heero raised an eyebrow at her, but Relena was paralysed watching her brother walk away with a heavy feeling in her heart.

"Who's Lucrezia?" Trowa's sudden reappearance had them jumping in shock.

"She's my brother's fiancée." She explained holding her chest. "Prima ballerina in Sanc Kingdom's Royal Ballet Company."

"Am I invited?"

"Uh…"

"Catherine's always dreamed of joining the SKRBC."

Relena gaped clearly conflicted. Heero shrugged. "It's all the same to me."

"But Heero…" she frowned worriedly.

"Is the place big enough?"

"I think so…"

* * *

237\. Torpid

"Won't you _do_ something?" Relena had to jog to catch up to him.

"You'll be late for your class." He reminded her.

"Won't you _say_ something?"

"What do you want me to say?" he sounded genuinely puzzled and not at all angry. She could not understand…

"We have to _do _something! We must stop my brother. Tell me you've got a plan!"

"You served my head to your brother on a silver platter… All we can do is listen to what he has to say."

"I didn't mean to…"

"I know you didn't, but there's nothing we can do now."

* * *

238\. Monolithic

"Quatre!"

For the second time that day she found herself running around campus, chasing after someone. It was embarrassing for a woman of her status, but, if Heero wouldn't do anything, Relena had to take matters into her own hands… Or into the hands of others.

"What is it?" Quatre turned around wide-eyed. She nearly ran into him.

"I need your help…and Dorothy's too…if she's willing." She panted.

"I'm just recovering from a major…scare, but… How big is it?"

"_Huge_." She met his eyes pleadingly. "Massive. Monumental… I really need your help."

"Alright." He nodded. "Tell me all about it."

* * *

**A.N.: **I had a blast imagining a crazy Relena messing up her brother's hair. XD But I see trouble up ahead...


	35. Poor Planning

**_XXXV. _****_Poor Planning_**

* * *

239\. Perambulator

"Are we actually going somewhere? Or are you lost?" Dorothy halted, crossing her arms and arching an inquiring eyebrow.

Relena huffed, forcing out a very unsympathetic smile as she turned around to regard her former nemesis. "We're taking a stroll. Ever heard of that?"

"Ladies, please…" Quatre, who stood in the middle of the crossfire, raised his hands in an attempt at appeasement.

He might as well have been invisible.

"Come on, Relena. Just admit you're lost. It's a big campus."

"Why? So you can take the lead? This is _my_…"

"What?"

"Bodyguard…we're trying to save."

"Boy-toy." Dorothy corrected conspiratorially.

* * *

240\. Despondency

"Hmmm…" Dorothy – legs crossed and an elbow on her knee – tapped her chin thoughtfully.

Relena waited on her feet while Quatre sat beside the meaner blonde. "So?"

"This is a beautiful garden." She stated not just a little surprised at her realisation.

"Dorothy!" Relena was losing her patience as well as her hope.

"You're in trouble, dear." Dorothy said finally, leaning back on her seat.

"No." Quatre shook his head. "Heero is."

"And he won't do anything." She whined wearily.

"Your brother's certainly not to be trifled with…" Dorothy observed and smirked. "And that's exactly why we should do it."

* * *

241\. Piecemeal

Quatre and Relena leaned closer, eager to hear whatever plan Dorothy would come up with.

"Why don't we…" she started, tapping her chin with a frown. "Why don't we…"

"What?" the others questioned impatiently.

"Kidnap Ms. Noin, then ask your brother for the recorder in exchange for her safety?"

"Are you serious?" Relena gaped.

"He's surely made copies of the recording…" Quatre commented. "The actual recorder means nothing."

"What if we kidnapped _him _then? And cut off his hair…"

"Cut off his hair?" Relena couldn't believe her suggestions.

Dorothy shrugged. "Well… _My _hair should be the longest _and _the prettiest!"

* * *

242\. Perusal

"Does he have any dirty secrets you're aware of?"

Relena's brow furrowed thoughtfully. Quatre looked horrified. "Surely you don't mean to blackmail the man …"

"I think it's valid." The enemy's sister gave the plan her blessing.

"Anything ridiculously embarrassing?" Dorothy kept pushing eagerly.

"I can't think of anything." Relena scowled.

"Well… Thankfully, I know the perfect person for the job." The mean blonde paused. "Unless you'd rather have him killed… In which case, I'd suggest you hired your bodyguard."

"You're not having my brother killed!"

"Well… Maybe _we _aren't, but what about Heero? You really think he's doing nothing?"

* * *

243\. Cordate

"He wouldn't kill my brother."

"Why not? His life's been threatened… I know I would." Dorothy's nonchalance had the others watching her in horror. "Not kill him _myself_. I'd hire someone."

"As if that made a difference…" Quatre mumbled.

"Because he _cares_…about _me_. He _cares_." Relena answered Dorothy's earlier question.

"Are you trying to convince _us_ or yourself?" the longer haired blonde quirked a curious eyebrow and Quatre glared reproachfully at her. She pointedly ignored him. "Maybe what you think looks like affection is just physical attraction."

"No." Relena's jaw clamped shut. "There's way more to him than you think."

* * *

244\. Stokehold

Suddenly Dorothy went still and her eyes grew wide as saucers. "I know…" she told Relena. "I _know_."

"Know what?"

"Tell them you're pregnant!"

"Are you?" a pale and clearly horrified Quatre leaned so close to her she had to take a step back so he wouldn't look blurry.

"Of course not!" she flushed outraged and embarrassed. "I've never…"

"We know." Dorothy reassured her with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Everyone knows you are as pure as a new-born, but does your brother? Well, even if he does, I assure you he'll be so paranoid he won't even remember."

* * *

245\. Decanter

"I'm not sure this is going to work…" Quatre was sceptical.

"Of course it's going to work!" Dorothy was convicted. "It's _my _plan."

"Your plan to have Relena killed didn't…"

"That's her baby's father's fault."

They glared at each other in a silent contest until Quatre finally gave in. "So what do we do afterwards? If it works…"

"Why… She gets herself a _real _baby." Dorothy informed simply and Relena gaped at her wide-eyed. "Don't tell me you don't know how it's done…"

"Of course I know how it's done!"

"Then what's the problem?"

"I think I need a drink…"

* * *

**A.N.: **This is one crazy story... XD


	36. Proposing an Escape

**_XXXVI. _****_Proposing an Escape (aka Escaping a Proposal)_**

* * *

246\. Clodhopper

Heero closed his eyes for a moment trying to ignore both Duo and Trowa, who were hovering over his shoulders. He didn't _want _help, so he kept having to remind himself he needed it… He could already feel the shackles around his ankles dragging him down. Zechs had the upper-hand it was Heero's own fault.

"I know ballet's boring, but an escape plan?" Duo had yet to hear the whole story.

"Hn."

"And ya' need _me _'cause…?"

"I want you to use your hacking skills to shut off the lights at my command."

"Is this a romantic proposal thing?"

"No."

* * *

247\. Peavey

"Ya' know…" Heero and Trowa shared a look, preparing themselves for whatever ideas Duo might have come up with. "In theatres they usually have those cables… hooks… whatever that they use to lift people up... I think I could control those remotely too. It's all electronic these days. You could escape _Batman _style."

"Doesn't sound too bad." Trowa commented impressed.

"Hn." Heero wasn't quite as convinced.

"Unless…" Duo resumed. "You do mean to propose…" he smirked, winking conspiratorially. "In which case I think you should do something more _Superman _or _Spiderman _style. Carry the princess in tow, ya' know?"

"No."

* * *

248\. Ignominy

"You're one of the top killers in the entire world!" Duo was truly – insistently – exasperated. "Running away from a five feet tall skinny blonde will surely put a dent on your impeccable reputation."

"Can you do it or not?" Heero pointedly ignored him.

"Of course I can do it! What ya' need to ask is will I? And for what price?" he corrected solicitously.

"Not a smart move, Maxwell." Trowa informed him when only silence followed.

"I think…" Heero cut in and Duo's mouth snapped shut. "Letting you leave here unharmed, after that, would put a dent in my reputation."

* * *

249\. Glossa

"There's no need to kill him." Trowa told Heero as casually as if they were discussing the weather. "Just cut out his tongue. That'll solve all of our problems."

Duo couldn't believe what was happening and for once he only frowned and gaped.

"As good as that sounds… Right now we need to be able to communicate."

"You can read lips."

"Yes, but when I'm at the ballet and Maxwell's behind the computer screen that won't help."

"What the fuck?!" was as articulate as Duo managed to get right then.

"Well, you can do it afterwards." Trowa assured him.

"Hn."

* * *

250\. Templet

"These are the blueprints?" his sidekicks asked leaning over his shoulders.

"Hn."

"Do you know where you're going to be?" Duo had a troubled frown on. "Place is _huge_."

"Probably somewhere in the VIP area."

"The VIP area? Well, that totally ruins my grand-exit plan…" the braided man pouted.

"Where did you think we were going to be?" Trowa frowned.

"Here." He pointed.

"On stage?"

"Yup! What? It's a proposal, isn't it?"

Trowa turned to Heero. "Are you really not explaining the situation to him?"

"He's a blackmailer."

"That means 'no'." Duo translated.

"How worse could it get?" Trowa wondered.

* * *

251\. Masjid

"No." Catherine said, crossing her arms stubbornly. "The ballet is _sacred_. Sa-cred. And I absolutely refuse to cooperate with your stupid plans to ruin it. Sa-cred."

"Have you told her you're proposing?" Duo whispered in Heero's ear.

Catherine's eyes widened to the point where they feared they might fall out. "I think she heard you." Trowa informed the braided man.

"Clearly." Heero agreed.

"No." Catherine – arms akimbo – glared daggers at them. Duo thought it was a good think she wasn't _throwing _daggers… yet. "You, men, are always trying to ruin beautiful things… I can't let you ruin _two _at once!"

* * *

252\. Reticent

"He won't tell ya' anything." Duo felt the need to tell Catherine as she insisted on questioning Heero.

"Well, he _has _to if he wants my help." She said masterfully, walking into her bedroom a few feet away.

"I don't want your help." Heero informed just as masterfully.

"We only told you about the plan so you wouldn't panic in case something happened." Her brother explained.

"But he _does _need it." She returned confident. "My help. He knows _nothing _about ballet _or_ proposals."

None of them could deny that so Catherine smirked victoriously and resumed getting ready for the night.

* * *

**A.N.: **Will Catherine take over the plan? Will she save the day? Or will she utterly ruin it? Will she even _be _in the next chapter? XD Thank you very much, guys! I'll see you next week! :D


	37. The Ballet (First Act)

**_XXXVII. _****_The Ballet (First Act)_**

* * *

253\. Variola

They were fighting a silent battle. She refused to talk to him and he refused to say a word unless _she_ did. He was winning and she couldn't stand it. Silence wasn't a weapon she was used to handling. Relena tapped her foot against the limo's floor, glaring at him, then crossed her arms and turned to the window with a huff.

"You're _really _going through with this?" she questioned exasperated.

"Yes."

"Why?"

Milliardo sighed. "This man's like a disease, Relena. Don't you realise he's infected you and how fast he's spread? You'd have never backed up a murderer before."

* * *

254\. Bedlam

They looked around rather horrified at the endless sea of people. Men in tuxedoes and overtly expensive suits, women in long swishing gowns… To Trowa all the lights and colours were nearly dizzying, but Catherine was overexcited. She 'awed' and 'ohed' at everything tugging not at all gently at her brother's arm.

"Is that Lucrezia Noin? Oh, my God!" she dragged Trowa after her into a wall of people. He sent Heero a 'help me' look over his shoulder.

"You're the one who wanted to bring her…"

"Should I count him out?" Duo asked on the intercom.

"He'll be back."

* * *

255\. Villein

Zechs gave him his politest smile. "Ah, Heero Yuy, how _nice_ of you to join us."

He looked happy indeed.

"As if I had a choice." Heero's smile turned out more like a scowl.

"You didn't have a choice?" Duo screeched surprised in his ear. They didn't fear Zechs would suspect their plan… For all he knew, from _years_ of investigation, Heero Yuy worked alone and _only _alone. "She's pregnant, isn't she? He's _forcing _you to propose. _That's _why you need an escape plan!"

Heero half-rolled his eyes before he could stop himself. Zechs frowned suspiciously. "Everything alright, Yuy?"

"Fine."

* * *

256\. Heritor

Trowa had just managed to drag Catherine out of some dancer's dressing room when his intercom flared to life.

"Did ya' know Heero's having a baby?" Duo sounded excited.

He halted so suddenly he nearly fell on his face. Catherine ran straight into him.

"Trowa!" she whined, rubbing her nose. "You did that on purpose!"

"What did you say?"

"I said—."

"Not _you_." He covered his sister's mouth with his hand, making her glare seem all the more threatening.

"That's why he has to marry her!" Duo explained. "You're going to be an uncle!"

Trowa thought he would faint.

* * *

257\. Rondel

"So _you're _the famous Heero Yuy." Lucrezia shook him by the hand.

Milliard frowned and gaped. He could not understand…

He'd told her the man was a murderer, a manipulator… A snake.

Lucrezia had been way more concerned about Relena's heartache.

He could see she had not changed her mind.

He hissed. "When dealing with an assassin you're not supposed to be kind."

"If Relena likes him, how bad can he be?"

"He can be as bad as the villains on TV."

But his argument did not convince her…

And she led Heero away to meet up with his sister.

* * *

258\. Confluence

"Since we're all here…" Milliardo began when Lucrezia was gone. He looked like the host of an important business meeting.

Except to Catherine.

"Silence, please?" She eyed him reproachfully. "The first act's about to start."

Milliardo eyed the scrawny young lady perplexed, noticing her for the first time. "Who are you?"

She frowned confused. "I'm with Heero."

"Ah…" his eyes met the assassin's narrowed ones before turning to his sister's. "He's cheating on you." He told her. Trying one last time to make her see the 'real' Heero Yuy.

"No, he's not." She stared at him. "We're _all _with Heero."

* * *

259\. Lashings

Heero didn't see what there was to negotiate. Zechs might not be able to condemn him for all the crimes he'd committed, but the tape he now possessed was enough to get the assassin convicted of at least one attempted murder. Surely that would be enough to put him away for a long – _long_ – time if not for good.

The man was doing this for his sister's sake. So was Heero, in a way… For if it weren't for Relena he would have already made himself scarce. Instead he was there…

He wondered what he would not do for her…

* * *

**A.N.: **Did you read 257 as a poem full of rhymes? If you didn't, you should. It will sound twice as ridiculous when you do. XD


	38. The Ballet (Second Act)

**_XXXVIII. _****_The Ballet (Second Act)_**

* * *

260\. Febricity

"I want all of it." Zechs told him and his tone was final.

"All of _what_?" Duo whispered in his ear and between the two of them Heero couldn't feel any more trapped.

"You want the evidence." He surmised.

"Yes. For every single job you did ever since you started your career."

"To clear your reputation."

"To prove I wasn't imagining things. To prove the perfect killer did exist."

"What's in it for me?"

"I keep you out of death row and provide you with a decent existence in prison… Away from my sister whom you've infected with your ideas."

* * *

261\. Diagnostician

"No!" Relena protested horrified. "You can't do that!" she told her brother. Images of Heero locked away for eternity playing in her mind.

"Why not?" Milliardo raised his eyebrow at her, not at all amused.

She gaped at him like a fish, unsure of what she could say to stop him… Dorothy's words kept coming back to her, but she couldn't do it…

"With that tape I can validate the evidence I have gathered throughout the years. I can have him sentenced to death… Or worse. Would you rather I did _that_?"

"You can't…" she insisted.

"_Why_?"

"Because I'm pregnant!"

* * *

262\. Confrere

Duo thought Heero was a bit of an ass… He had refused to tell him what was really going on, dismissed his rather brilliant ideas _and _promised to cut off his tongue. Fine. Heero was a complete ass, but they were still crime-buddies. That's why, when Duo realised the assassin might end up in prison, he didn't have to think twice.

He prepared to turn off the power, unlock the doors… Whatever might be necessary to help the man escape.

Then Relena stepped in. Clearly not ready for the confrontation…

"Because I'm pregnant!" she said, and Duo killed the lights.

* * *

263\. Sander

In the sudden darkness, someone seized her arm. Relena knew it wasn't her brother and – for a moment – she was afraid. Afraid of Heero. His breath against her ear made every hair on her body stand on end.

"Is it true?" he questioned. She couldn't tell if he was angry, hurt or incredulous, but she realised he thought – for obvious reasons – that the baby was someone else's.

"Just, please, go with it?" Relena begged him quietly and had the impression she felt him nod in the darkness. She hoped that that might be enough to make Dorothy's plan run smoothly.

* * *

264\. Serigraph

In the dark, surrounded by the frightened whispers of the crowd, Milliardo's thoughts ran wild.

His little sister had been defiled by a murderer.

His first impulse was to kill Heero Yuy. The assassin was right there and the world would only be better for it. Except for – of course – Relena.

His little sister…

She would be _single_ and _pregnant_ and disgraced.

He could claim it had been rape, but Relena would never agree… What was he going to do?

That _criminal _and his little sister…

He couldn't yet grasp the concept that was now permanently imprinted in his brain.

* * *

265\. Megrim

"Heero, you have to _go_!" Trowa hissed in his ear.

"Ya' haven't left yet?!" Duo was clearly horrified. "I was about to turn the lights back on!"

"What did you _do_? Catherine sounded pissed. "And don't you dare try to tell me you had nothing to do with this blackout!"

"What's going on?" Relena asked him worriedly.

"Yes, Yuy." Zechs agreed with his sister. "_What _is going on?"

Heero held back a frustrated sigh. He should have escaped while there was time, but he had been too busy being jealous of Relena's fake baby's father…

This headache served him well.

* * *

266\. Verrucose

A wave of cheerful applause followed the return of the lights.

Heero scowled. He could finally see how ugly the situation was. Everyone seemed angry with him for some reason…

Except for Relena.

If only he could pull out his gun and shoot the others…

Maybe not Trowa. He'd miss Trowa.

"So?" Zechs raised a haughty eyebrow, anxious to hear what he had to say.

"I'll marry her." He stated simply, his face blank.

Relena turned to him wide-eyed and gaping. Heero shrugged. It was the logical conclusion.

"I knew there was going to be a proposal!" Duo celebrated triumphantly.


	39. The Morning After

**_XXXIX. T_****_he Morning After_**

* * *

267\. Maelstorm

Trowa leaned against the wall. "You've made quite a mess."

Heero, who sat at the couch with his face in his hands, raised his head to glare at him. Relena was pacing around his living room trying to come to terms with what had happened the night before as she waited – against his wishes – for a call from Quatre.

"There's no need to call Winner." Heero tried again. "You only need to wait a few weeks and fake-lose the fake-baby."

"And then our engagement will be over and you'll go to prison."

"I'll run away."

"And abandon a pregnant woman?"

* * *

268\. Halcyon

When Dorothy decided to show up, Heero felt like jumping through the window.

Literally.

But he controlled himself and kept his calm and quiet exterior while Relena fought her inner panic by calling unnecessary reinforcements.

He wondered what it was exactly that scared her so… Was it the tangled complexity of the web of lies they'd crafted (and ended up stuck in while they were at it)? Or was it the prospect of marrying him?

Should he be offended if it was the latter? Or worried that it was?

"You're getting married?!" Dorothy didn't seem pleased either. "Before _I _do?!"

* * *

269\. Windbreaker

When Quatre finally returned Relena's call it was to find Dorothy staring at him. "We're getting married." She informed him.

The blonde man frowned sadly. He'd thought things were going well between them… "You and…?" he asked, not that he really cared to know.

It was Dorothy's turn to frown. "And _you_." She said as if it were obvious.

"Huh…"

"And we have to do it fast." She elaborated.

"Huh…"

"Yes?" Dorothy blinked expectantly.

"Did you hear that?"

"What?" she frowned confused.

"The sandstorm's getting worse… I have to go, Dorothy. Would you tell Relena I'll call again ASAP? Thanks!"

* * *

270\. Salubrious

"Wait!" Relena shouted, but Dorothy had scared Quatre away.

"Oh, don't look so grim." The other woman told her with a dismissive wave of her hand. "You don't need him. You have _me_."

"And that doesn't make me feel any better." Heero crossed his arms with a scowl.

Relena sighed. "Really, Dorothy… It was _your _plan that got us into this mess."

"Well… The objective was to keep Mr. Ungrateful out of prison. _Not_ to save _Mrs_. Ungrateful a little trouble."

"I am _not _ungrateful." Relena retorted.

"You're not honest either." Dorothy shrugged.

"You're making me sick."

"It's the baby."

* * *

271\. Wakeless

"Get married first, lose the baby afterwards." Trowa suggested when the women refused to stop glaring at each other.

"I still think you should get a _real_ baby…" Dorothy's haughty smile returned to her lips. "That way you'd not only _get married_ before me, but also lose your figure. Not that you have much of a figure to lose…"

Heero hadn't heard anything past 'real baby' so he was more than just a little surprised when Relena turned to him in all seriousness, pointed at Dorothy and said: "Kill her."

He just _had _to be having some sort of nightmare.

* * *

272\. Seamster

"I knew sooner or later you'd need my help." Duo bragged as he scratched the underside of his nose with the back of a finger.

"I told you not to call him." Heero complained.

"You're the one who got him involved." Relena defended herself.

"No, not Duo. Dorothy." Trowa corrected pointing at the aforementioned blonde with his eyes.

"Dorothy?" Relena frowned suspiciously.

"They worked together." Heero confirmed.

"Oh, yes." Dorothy herself agreed dismissively. "Duo helped me hack into your computer in search of blackmail material."

Duo tittered under Relena's scarily blank gaze. "I'm the thread that ties it all together!"

* * *

273\. Hillock

"This is just a tiny bump on the road!" Duo insisted, his face against the front door.

"Who would've thought… Miss Relena kicking us out." Dorothy sat on the emergency stairs filling her nails.

"Are you sure she's not pregnant? 'Cause I'd never seen her act like that..."

The blonde snorted. "Unless she's Virgin Mary… Yes, I'm sure."

Duo sighed. "What do we do now?"

"Wait. Until she realises she needs us." Dorothy told him confidently.

"What if she doesn't?"

"They can't stay in there forever."

He nodded with renewed determination. "Then we'll wait for as long as it takes!"

* * *

**A.N.: **Sorry, I couldn't post this sooner. It's probably already Wednesday for a lot of you. Hehe I left home before 7 AM and only arrived past 7 PM and then I simply _had _to play _Assassin's Creed_... Oh, well, here it is. Thank you all so much for the reviews! I'm glad I'm still managing to make you laugh a little. :)


	40. A Means to an End?

**_XL. _****_A Means to an End?_**

* * *

274\. Sybarite

Relena's momentary anger had made her feel hot. Heero could tell when she took off her sweater and tied her hair up. The pale soft looking column of her throat was the most tempting sight he had ever laid eyes on.

"Leave." He told Trowa.

His friend first thought he was joking, but then seemed to realise (by his glare) just how serious he was. "But what…"

"Heero, he hasn't done anything!" Relena smiled confused, yet amused.

She clearly did not realise how seductive that smile was… Heero trusted Trowa, but not enough. "Leave."

Relena frowned displeased.

"Please." He added.

* * *

275\. Cat's-paw

"Ha!" Duo exclaimed when the door slammed shut behind Trowa. "Look who's on the curb now!"

"Actually, this is called a lobby."

"Come on, buddy! Don't be sad… It's obvious we're just a means to an end to those two." The braided man threw a sympathetic arm around Trowa's shoulders, making the man frown.

"They just need a moment."

"Oh, no, they won't!" Dorothy stood up in a hurry, marching up to the door. The men shared an awkward look as they stepped out of her way. Her knock was full of determination. "You're _not _getting laid before_ I _do!"

* * *

276\. Abiogenesis

Relena collapsed onto the couch. "Why did you throw him out like that?" she sounded desolate. Or maybe it was just his imagination… He figured a massage would do no harm though. "What are…? Oh…"

"You don't need to carry all that weight by yourself." He reminded her, kneading her shoulders.

"I'm just not used to having a… Ah… Bodyguard." She let her head fall forward, exposing more skin. He suspected she was trying to kill him… "If only we weren't in this mess…"

He frowned. "If only babies were easier to get…"

She turned to him with sparkling eyes.

* * *

277\. Necropolis

Relena opened the front door anxious to share her idea with their conspirators, but the lobby was a ghost town.

"Well…" Heero tried to console her. "Finally some peace and quiet."

"It feels lonely…" she turned to the former assassin with sadness in her eyes, wondering if he had been as lonely before he met her as she had been before she met him.

Heero held her chin tenderly between thumb and forefinger as he read her mind. "Not anymore." He told her.

She breathed in deeply, meeting his gaze, and kissed him as if her life depended on it.

* * *

278\. Hodgepodge

Heero could only stare at her.

"So?" Relena asked after some 5 or so minutes holding her breath.

He frowned, cleared his throat… and frowned. "So your plan is for us to get married, find a baby to pretend to be ours, then get divorced."

"Exactly."

It was a crazy combination of even crazier plans, but she looked so happy with it… He didn't know what to say.

"Won't your brother arrest me after we get divorced?" he asked hopefully.

"The father of my child?"

"Except that I won't be." his lips curved downwards. "We can't live a farce forever."

* * *

279\. Swellhead

Trowa gestured to the bartender just as Dorothy started complaining again. She thought they – by which he was sure she meant herself – were the only ones who could help Heero and Relena and she was certain they would come begging for their assistance, pleading a hundred apologies.

She would have stood at their door forever had he not dragged her and Maxwell to the nearest pub.

Heero owed him a big one.

As he sipped his drink Trowa wondered if maybe he shouldn't be getting a salary… He had never realised _he _was the only one who was actually helping.

* * *

280\. Hirsute

Relena stretched her legs, conveniently placing her feet on his thigh. She was starting to appreciate his massages a little too much… Heero couldn't deny her the pleasure though.

"This is quite a hairy problem we got ourselves into…" she lamented.

He watched her quietly for a moment, wondering if she would like his idea… Then he realised he'd never know unless he shared it with her.

"There's an easy solution."

Relena lifted her head off the arm of the couch to look at him.

"We get married, you tell your brother we lost the baby…"

"And?"

"We stay married."


	41. Food, drinks and liars

**_XLI. _****_Food, drinks and liars_**

* * *

281\. Djinni

"I require 3 tokens of your admiration." Dorothy informed them as soon as they walked into the pub.

Heero turned to Trowa with a frown. "What is she talking about?"

Trowa shrugged hopelessly and opened his mouth to answer, but Dorothy cut in again. "Fine." She said feigning irritation. "I _will _help you. No need to beg anymore forgiveness."

Heero raised an eyebrow. "We don't need your help."

"We're getting married." Relena informed her, smiling widely as she held Heero's arm.

Dorothy's eyes narrowed. "We already _knew _that."

"We're getting married." Heero nodded in agreement. "And that shall be it."

* * *

282\. Beebread

"This deserves a party!" Duo threw his arms around the newly-engaged couple.

"My brother's assistant's already taking care of that." Relena smiled at him. "We'll send you an invite."

"You're not coming." Heero warned him.

"But 'Lena just invited me!"

"And I'm _un_inviting you."

Duo dismissed him with a wave of his hand. "What'll be on the menu?"

"Bread and water." Heero readily informed him.

"I haven't thought about that yet… Do you have any suggestions?" Relena let Duo lead her to a table as he babbled on about his favourite dishes.

Heero turned to Trowa. "I need a drink."

* * *

283\. Phagocyte

"I will _not _be attending." Dorothy approached him suddenly with an even haughtier air than usual.

"Good." Heero told her and turned back to his drink.

"No." she snatched the glass off his hand. "_Not _good."

He sighed, counting up to ten to keep himself from killing her and waited patiently for the big explanation.

"You feed off my popularity." She said in the same tone one would use with a little child. "No one will attend if I'm not there."

He met her eyes, slowly removed his glass from her hand and took a long draught. "Good." He said.

* * *

284\. Physic

When he saw the caller ID, Quatre had to think twice before answering… Not that he didn't miss Dorothy and her overall craziness. He did miss her. A lot. But… What if she was still fixated on the idea of getting married?

"Where _are _you?" she asked, her voice weaker than usual. He could hear noises in the background. "I think I might need a doctor..."

"Where are you? Are you alright? Do you want me to pick you up?"

"I _knew _you weren't in the desert!"

"Well, I… I promised I'd take _you_ next time I went! Didn't I?"

* * *

285\. Phytophagous

"What's that?" Duo frowned.

"Salad." Relena repeated.

"No, no, no, no." he waved his hands rather desperately. "No salad. Ya' gotta serve steak."

"Steak's not engagement food…" she tried to explain. "At an engagement party you have sea food dishes, Italian dishes… We'll hire a chef."

"Fancy stuff." He summarized slightly upset.

"Fancy stuff." She nodded.

"Maybe you should stay home." Heero suggested. "I'll buy you a hamburger."

"Nah…" Duo dismissed the suggestion with smirk. "I eat anything." He paused hesitantly. "There won't be _just_ salad, right?"

"Just salad."

"Heero!"

"I'm a vegetarian." He lied.

"Since when?"

"Two minutes ago."

* * *

286\. Trenchant

The depressing prospect of the engagement party made Heero think about the actual wedding and _who _would be attending.

"Let's elope."

Relena laughed. "I'm Relena Peacecraft. I can't _elope_."

"Then let's have a private wedding." Heero insisted.

"Isn't that what we're doing? Friends and family only?" she seemed confused.

"These people are not my friends. Dorothy's a former employer and Maxwell's a stalker."

Relena smiled patiently. "What about Trowa?"

"Fine. Trowa may come. As for the others…"

"It'll be all right." She took his hand. "Your nemesis, Zechs, will be there either way… It can't get any worse than that."

* * *

287\. Frowzy

"Oh, my..." Dorothy wrinkled her nose in disgust. "What _happened_ to you?"

Duo – hair dishevelled, clothes askew, covered in soot – appeared beside her. "It's a new technique I'm testing… To attract the ladies." He confided in a whisper, grinning confidently to himself.

"You _smell_." She informed him, covering her nose with one hand and waving him away with the other.

"It doesn't work on heartless ladies… Only on those who would pity a guy who 'just got his ass kicked'."

"It doesn't work on ladies that have noses either." Trowa commented with Heero.

"Shut up, Barton! You're spoiling my charm!"

* * *

**A.N.: **Ah! I'm not very happy with this week's entries, but... Well, at least _Tales _is progressing nicely, though that's only good news for those who are reading it. XD Let's wait and see what crazy new inspirations next week's entry shall bring us. Thank you, as usual, for sticking up with me! :)


	42. Oasis Flight

**_XLII. _****_Oasis Flight_**

* * *

288\. Hovercraft

Dorothy strolled towards the jet, holding her large sun hat with one hand and fixing her sunglasses with the other. Abdul followed with her luggage, looking none too pleased. Quatre, who was waiting for her beside the plane, frowned at her high-heeled sandals and light summer outfit. "We're going to the desert, Dorothy. Not the beach."

"Don't tell me you don't have a pool at your family's estate." She eyed him sceptically over the rim of her glasses.

"It's the middle of the desert!"

Dorothy shrugged. "You're rich."

"I'm _rich_, not magic."

"Isn't there a beach on the way there?"

* * *

289\. Bellicose

"So you weren't invited?" Quatre asked as Dorothy reported to him all that had happened in his absence.

"That man's a savage!" she would've jumped off her seat had the seatbelt sign not been on. "He didn't want us to come and he made sure we knew." She whined. "He is a dangerous man, Quatre… I think you should stay away from him even if it costs you your friendship with Relena. I am _so _sorry."

"I know he's dangerous, Dorothy. That's all the more reason to stay close and keep an eye on 'Lena."

She scowled. "So it seems…"

* * *

290\. Recidivist

If she couldn't keep Quatre away from Relena then Dorothy decided she would – at the very least – use him against her. She crossed her legs, letting the light skirt of her dress slide down her thigh. "Isn't it nice that this private jet allows us to sit across each other like this?"

"Uh…" he was distracted by her exhibition.

Dorothy smiled smugly. "What else have you planned for us once we get there?" she leered at him. He was so innocent she kept having to resort to the same techniques over and over to try and get him to understand.

* * *

291\. Perfidious

"Dorothy…" Quatre met her eyes, smiling patiently. "What are you trying to accomplish?"

"You know very well what I'm trying to accomplish…" she purred, winking at him.

Despite his blush, Quatre managed to maintain his composure. "Dorothy… You know I _really _like you, but you must agree with me that you're not exactly innocent. You do _nothing _without second intentions!"

She touched her heart dramatically. "I'm highly offended! I thought I'd made my intentions quite clear!"

"Yeah… But… Do you want to be with me because you want _to be with me_? Or because you want _to_ _win against Relena_?"

* * *

292\. Tambour

"So these…" she gave up and decided to talk about him. "Maganacs… Are they some sort of tribe ?"

"No." Quatre chuckled amused. "They are a political organization."

"Oh… They're terrorists."

"No! They're like a… private army."

"Mercenaries?"

"No, they're like a militia that protects the people. They expect nothing in return."

"Hmmm…" Dorothy tapped her chin thoughtfully. "So there won't be drums and bloody rituals and fights?"

"No."

"They're not at war with anyone?"

"No." he frowned. "Why?"

"I've always wanted to see a war from up close…" she confessed dreamily.

"Are you sure you know what 'war' means?"

* * *

293\. Cut-off

As night fell and Dorothy grew quiet, Quatre found the courage to ask an important question. "Why were you in such a hurry to get married?"

She was caught off guard. It was something that happened so rarely she gaped at him for a moment. "You're right." Dorothy confessed. "I _am _running against Relena."

"So the marriage…"

"A shortcut. They still have a whole engagement ahead of them…"

"So this _is _all just a game to you." Quatre couldn't help being upset.

"No! I _do _wish to be with you!" Dorothy blushed. "We'd just be taking it one step further…"

* * *

294\. Tableland

Quatre leaned forward, taking her hands in his. "How about we forget Relena for a moment and focus solely on ourselves?" he smiled gently. "For now, I'd like you to be my girlfriend. What do you say?"

Dorothy smiled genuinely for once. "I think we've reached an agreement."

"Good." He said and reached out to lay a shy peck on her lips.

"Tell me that was just the free sample." She protested, glaring when he pulled away.

"Well…" Quatre grinned smugly. "We've got a long flight ahead of us…"

"Hmmm…" Dorothy returned his smile with a leer. "How long exactly?"

* * *

**A.N.: **Wow, _finally_! This was long overdue I guess... Relena and Heero are already getting married and those two hadn't even kissed yet. XD


	43. Wedding Planners

**_XLIII. _****_Wedding Planners_**

* * *

295\. Soapbox

"And on another note about the rich and famous, the daughter of the most charitable family in the country – Relena Peacecraft – is rumoured to be engaged." She looked up from her paperwork, frowning at the TV when her name was mentioned. "Angel?"

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, Wolf. Though Miss Peacecraft _has_ been spotted in the presence of quite a few different young men as of late… No ring has been spotted on her finger."

"Could these be one of those secret celebrity engagements, Angel?"

"I doubt it, Wolf. The Peacecrafts have always been straightforward. The Winners however…"

* * *

296\. Vitriol

"The people on TV think you're marrying Quatre." Lucrezia turned away from the aforementioned people to smile at her future sister-in-law.

Relena sighed. "There have always been speculations..."

"Your brother would've approved of your marrying him." The black haired woman smirked when the blonde rolled her eyes. "He had quite a lot to say on your engagement to Heero."

"I'm sorry you had to be the one to listen to his complaints…"

"I'd never heard him use such colourful language."

"You think he's going to try something? To break us up?"

"I think he'll come to terms with it… Eventually."

* * *

297\. Apologist

"You can't blame your sister for wanting some adventure in her life. We had plenty of that ourselves." Lucrezia gave her fiancé a conspiratorial smirk.

Milliardo scowled. "Would you stop defending my sister? She got pregnant on purpose. Relena's not prone to making mistakes."

"Maybe she figured she didn't want to wait _a lifetime_ for Heero to propose…" she gave him a meaningful look.

He cleared his throat suddenly very interested in his cup of coffee. "What was it you were saying about adventure?"

"I was saying…" she stole his cup and took a long sip. "Cut her some slack."

* * *

298\. Dolmen

Heero was trying really hard to hide how uncomfortable he felt. He did not understand what they were doing together in Zechs' presence so soon after all that had happened.

The man cleared his throat and leaned forward with his elbows on his desk. "Since you must get married before you start showing – to avoid a scandal that'll slaughter our family – I suggest we skip the engagement party and move straight to the wedding."

Relena's smile waned, but Heero was surprisingly pleased. "I couldn't agree more." He said. Perhaps he and Zechs wouldn't end up killing each other after all…

* * *

299\. Tiffin

"I think we should invite as little people as possible." Heero leaned casually back in his chair.

Relena was still so shocked he had agreed to have lunch with her brother that she did not even have the voice to protest. She wondered if Lucrezia might consider joining them…

"That shall reduce the expenses significantly." Milliardo nodded, pleased with the suggestion. Relena felt outnumbered. "And how about a DJ instead of a band?"

"I don't see why we need to have music at all."

The blonde man pulled a notepad out of his pocket. "What about decoration?"

"Stop!" Relena shouted.

* * *

300\. Circuitous

How had she ended up with _two _of those in her life? Relena wondered… She had never realised just how similar her brother and fiancé were and she was sure they would fiercely deny that alikeness if she pointed it out to them.

It was a problem.

Planning a wedding was a lengthy, tiring process and she seemed to be stuck with two very practical, extremely frugal, party-hating men…

She had to get rid of them before they ruined it all… But how?

"Why don't you…" she cleared her throat, smiling her friendliest, most convincing smile. "Talk firearms and tactics?"

* * *

301\. Tirade

For some reason – Heero noticed – the smile never reached Relena's eyes. In fact, the overall result was quite threatening.

He frowned.

She was trying to tell them to 'back off' and let _her _plan the wedding. He had his reserves, of course, but he didn't see why he wouldn't be able to discuss them with her along the way and let her handle it the way she deemed best.

Zechs' position was completely different.

It was the man's family money that would be paying for the whole thing. Heero didn't think the man would step out…

Relena wouldn't be pleased.

* * *

**A.N.: **The TV presenters' names were chosen randomly. So, if there are any Wolfs or Angels reading this fic... You have my deepest apologies. Or you may feel honoured... Take your pick? XD


	44. Consensus

**_XLIV. _****_Consensus_**

* * *

302\. Crosspatch

"You're saying I'm unfit to plan a wedding?" Milliardo arched an eyebrow at his sister.

"That's _not _what I'm saying." Relena waved her hands. Her brother merely scowled and waited. Heero was staring out the window as if he had no idea what was happening. No help there. "All I meant was that I cannot plan a wedding with you supervising me. You're… intimidating."

"I'm your brother!" he was genuinely horrified.

"If you weren't, she would've already dismissed you." Heero explained wearily.

"Heero!" it was Relena's turn to look horrified. "If you're not helping, at least don't make things worse."

* * *

303\. Bourdon

She took a deep calming breath as she gathered her thoughts. "What if…" she started finally. "This was _your _wedding?"

"I would have bagpipes." Her brother said seriously.

"Bagpipes?"

"Yes."

"Ah…" Relena frowned, shaking her head in search of the best way to ask. There really was not one. "Why?"

"I like the sound they make." He shrugged still serious, then arched a suspicious eyebrow. "Why?"

"No reason. It's not like we're having a double wedding…" she laughed dismissively at the idea, but Milliardo's eyes sparkled dangerously. She paled. "_No_… Milliardo! Don't even _think _about it!"

He frowned. "Why not?"

* * *

304\. Stevedore

Lucrezia was called in to settle the dispute. Relena had been the one to call her, sure that she would be against Milliardo's idea. She wasn't.

"I don't know why you don't like it…" she lamented, turning to the blonde woman. "I think it's a great idea."

"Milliardo's always stealing my spotlight." Relena unloaded. "I'd like my wedding to be about me…" she turned to Heero. "About _us_."

He cleared his throat both touched and embarrassed by her passionate words. "I want something discreet, Relena." He half-told her half-pleaded with her.

She bit her lip. Could she please them both?

* * *

305\. Virgule

"We'll do this together." Relena informed him. "Just the two of us." She added, glancing at her brother. "We'll negotiate and stretch or shorten our boundaries accordingly. Don't worry, Milliardo. I _will _try to stay within _your _budget."

The blonde man eyed her sceptically. "I don't believe you… However – and I never thought I'd say this – I do trust your fiancé to keep you in line."

That said he stood up and left the room. Relena gaped at his back dumbfounded, but at last realised she should be happy with his admission. Lucrezia smiled knowingly as she followed her fiancé.

* * *

306\. Tribulation

"I still don't want Dorothy there." Heero started once they settled on the couch to write the guests' list.

Relena thought he looked like a stubborn child with his arms crossed and a scowl. She caressed his arm soothingly. "I don't care about her either… But I know Quatre does and he's my best friend." She watched him quietly for a moment. "You don't like that, do you?"

"No, but I _will_ make a concession... Not in Dorothy's case though."

"Why are you so worried about her?" Relena kept petting him. "I'm the only one you should be worried about."

* * *

307\. Phylactery

Relena was out of control… Her hands were all over him and Heero could feel his own control slipping. "I thought…" he panted when she finally let him come up for air. "You wanted to wait 'til after the wedding…"

She pushed him back down and frowned. "What for?"

"Religious reasons? Moral reasons? Something of the sort?" he offered slightly afraid that she might suddenly realise she _did_ want to wait 'now that he had mentioned'… But Relena could hear Dorothy's voice in her head calling her a prude. She was _not _one and she would make sure Heero knew.

* * *

308\. Miscellanea

"What is it?" Relena asked, rolling over to look at him. He had fallen silent once they had caught their breaths.

"You have a lot of teddy bears." He commented, glancing around her bedroom. He had known she liked teddy bears, but this was bordering on obsessive.

"I guess…" she looked at the pile of plushies they had built earlier in their haste to free her bed of the teddies' dominion. It saddened her to see them discarded like that. "You have a lot of weapons."

He turned curiously back to her. "You've never seen them."

"Still it bothers me."


	45. Grooms, Guests and Gifts

**_XLV. _****_Grooms, Guests and Gifts_**

* * *

309\. Inexorable

"Hmm…" Relena stood in the middle of his living room, tapping her lips. Heero had been trying to make her see his small run down flat through his eyes. "Are you _sure _you don't want to sell it?"

It had clearly not worked.

"Yes."

"I'm certain that if we could fix a few things it would fetch a good price."

"No."

"We could buy a bigger place for us."

"We don't need a bigger place."

"What about our children?"

"We don't need children either."

Relena frowned. He was as stubborn as a mule and yet… She loved him for it.

* * *

310\. Posture

The first night Relena spent at his flat Heero felt strangely nervous. There was a rooted need to please her, to make sure she was happy and comfortable. It never occurred to him that happiness and comfort might be the furthest things from her mind… She was far too busy worrying about their wedding. Or rather about _him _at their wedding.

"Will you scowl at our guests?" she asked out-of-nowhere, curled up on the couch.

He frowned. "If I have to."

"Because that would be incredibly rude."

"I'm not the prince charming, Relena. Don't expect me to act like it."

* * *

311\. Knave

"You have amazing and scary abilities." She informed when he picked the lock of Mrs. Berkley's front door.

There was such awe in her eyes… For a moment, he was breath-taken. Until Mrs. Berkley laid a noisy, sloppy kiss on his cheek. "Bless you, child. I thought I'd sleep on the doormat tonight when I noticed I'd lost my keys."

"Wait, Mrs. Berkley…" Relena's eyes narrowed and her ears pricked. "You're jingling."

The old lady pretended not to hear, pushing them inside. "So… I hear you're getting married? Let's have some tea and you can tell me all about it!"

* * *

312\. Transient

Mrs. Berkley poured the three of them steaming hot cups of tea. "You should make the most of this time… I can still remember my wedding as if it had been yesterday. Ah! Old Mr. Berkley looked so smart in that suit! His mother made it herself, especially for the big day. Time certainly flies! You blink and, in a moment, everything's changed…"

Heero doubted that. He had blinked several times since she had started talking…

She was _still_ talking.

Relena took his hand and smiled, finding his annoyance funny.

He could feel his own lips curve.

Everything had changed.

* * *

313\. Prate

"Another person I did not wish to invite." He mumbled when they finally left Mrs. Berkley's.

"If it were up to you, the wedding would be just the two of us." Relena teased him lightly.

"More than enough."

She took his arm. "She's the one who brought us together."

"Dorothy's the one who 'introduced' you to me and you want her there just as much as I do."

"I don't really care about Dorothy. We're old rivals. It's become a habit to hate each other."

"My oldest rival will be there as well…"

Relena smirked. "We'll have the best wedding."

* * *

314\. Imputable

"A shooting contest doesn't fit in a family friendly wedding." She argued slightly impatient. He'd found the idea quite amusing and she could see he was dying to humiliate her brother in front of their guests. There was no other reason why they couldn't have that contest any other day… She didn't want him to think she doubted his skills, but it was the only card she had left to play, her last chance to change his mind. "What if Miliardo defeats you?" Heero's eyes narrowed. Relena knew right then her plan had backfired. She had given him a mission.

* * *

315\. Hireling

"We don't need the invites to be fancy. All we need is our names, the address and the date in a pretty handwriting on a piece of paper. Can you do it?"

"Of course, I can do it." Duo assured her. "What am I getting in return?"

"Uh…" Relena faltered. He was watching her expectantly with puppy eyes. "I thought you could do it for free? As a favour, I mean."

"A favour?" he seemed confused.

"Yes." She blinked wide doe eyes at him.

"But I'm already giving you a wedding gift…"

"Well, then the invites could be your gift."

* * *

**A.N.: **I know you, guys, miss Quatre and Dorothy, but they needed some private time... If you know what I mean. :P I'll try to bring them back for the next chapter. Promise! And thank you for all the nice reviews! :D


	46. Pre-wedding Chaos

**_XLVI. _****_Pre-wedding Chaos_**

* * *

316\. Capstone

Heero was tired of watching himself in the mirror.

"Nervous?" Trowa asked.

He was even more tired of that question. "No." he retorted.

"Ready?"

"Yes."

Trowa had the smallest frown on his face. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." He added a glare this time (just to be sure).

"Are you sure you're not forgetting anything?"

Heero frowned at his reflection again. He didn't look good in a suit… He was way too short. Why was Relena marrying him anyways?

Trowa cleared his throat, pointing at his own neck. "Tie." He clarified.

The thing still hung loose around his neck. Heero sighed.

* * *

317\. Discomfit

Dorothy walked into Relena's suite, a wide grin on her face. "Hello, Miss Relena."

The bride turned around, silk flowing after her and was instantly petrified. "Oh, _no_."

"Oh, _yes_."

"You are _not _going to my wedding wearing _that_."

"How mean of you… When I got all dressed up, especially, for the occasion." Dorothy pouted.

"Especially for _this _occasion?" Relena asked sceptically. "_Especially_? Who goes to a wedding wearing _white_, Dorothy? Who?"

"_I _do."

"Well, not to _my _wedding you don't." she pulled up her phone. "I'm calling Quatre."

"Call him." Dorothy shrugged. "Let's see what he has to say."

* * *

318\. Desiccant

Quatre stood between his best friend and his girlfriend. Relena looked furious though he was sure he was the only one who could see just how angry she truly was. Dorothy waited eagerly for what he would say. He was no longer allowed to be partial, but he clearly couldn't be impartial either. Not without endangering himself.

"That was very inconsiderate of you, Dorothy." He told her with the worried tone of a disappointed father, then leaned closer. "You look beautiful by the way."

"Get out." Relena told them both. "I'm worn out. I can't deal with this right now."

* * *

319\. Dobbin

"Put it there." Heero told him when Duo arrived with a box of whisky bottles. A gift from Dorothy.

"No, Yuy. I think we should put it there." Trowa protested.

Duo trudged to the other side of the room.

"Maybe where Zechs won't find it." Heero pointed to yet another corner.

"What if we hid it under the desk?" Trowa sent Duo across the room again.

"Someone might kick it. Leave it on the coffee table."

"Would ya' just make up your damn minds?!" Duo had finally had enough. It was when he realised the others were laughing at him.

* * *

320\. Scaremonger

Milliardo was buttoning his cuffs when Relena burst into his suite. "It's doomed." She informed him, dragging her wedding dress all the way to the bed where she finally collapsed dramatically.

"What is?" he asked uninterested.

"The wedding."

"And the wedding is doomed because…?"

"Dorothy's wearing _white_, Quatre's on _her _side and Catherine's just told me that Trowa told her that Heero's nervous. Heero. Nervous." She paused. "I can't do this. We can't do this."

"Relena," he started calmly. "Do you have any idea how much I spent in this wedding? You _are _getting married and you're doing it _today_."

* * *

321\. Medial

"Relena?" Heero knocked lightly on the door. "Zechs came to see me."

"Don't come in!" she begged him. "If you see me dressed, then…"

"The wedding is not doomed." He assured her. There was a long moment of silence during which Heero cursed the damned door for standing between them.

"Catherine said you're nervous."

"I'm not nervous. I forgot to tie my necktie."

"You never forget anything."

He sighed. "I know I give the impression of being perfect, but I'm really not. I thought you should know that before you married me."

"Heero?"

"Hn?"

"To me you'll always be perfect."

* * *

322\. Montage

"Mr. Yuy." The florist halted at the sight of him and immediately started fidgeting. "Is Ms. Peacecfraft not in her suite?"

"She is."

That was exactly why he couldn't cross the door. Silly wedding superstitions…

"I need to…"

"Is everything ready?"

"That's what I've…"

"_I _am the one you'll report to from now on."

The woman looked horrified. "But Ms. Peacecraft…"

"Relena's done enough already. We'll make sure nothing else stresses her out today." He raised an eyebrow at her. "Am I understood?"

"Y-yes, sir."

"Good. Now, come. Let's solve whatever dilemma you've brought Relena and get this wedding started."

* * *

**A.N.: **Relena's surname in this story is Peacecraft not Darlian... Arg! I'm driving myself crazy and what a bloody mess I've made! But it's already been fixed in case any of you noticed my blunder. :P


	47. Anticipation

**_XLVII. _****_Anticipation_**

* * *

323\. Strapper

"When you told me Relena was marrying her new bodyguard I thought he'd be a bull." Sylvia Noventa whispered aside to Dorothy. They had picked one of the mid rows to sit, but not too far that they wouldn't be able to watch the ceremony. "Not a teeny tiny Asian man."

"And have you ever met a teeny tiny Asian man who wasn't deadly?" Dorothy raised her eyebrow at her.

"Is he at least a good bodyguard?"

"He's a ninja." She whispered, looking around cautiously as if Heero would catch her. "You'll never know what killed you."

Sylvia's eyes widened.

* * *

324\. Lionize

Milliardo raised a hand in greeting as the guests turned to him. He had waited until they were all seated to make his great entrance and join Lucrezia by the wedding arch.

"Now I understand what your sister meant when she said you stole her spotlight."

"There's nothing I can do about it." He shrugged nonchalantly.

"I thought you'd be walking her down the aisle?"

"She's walking herself." He snorted lightly. "You know my sister."

"I'm sure she just doesn't want to be obfuscated by your presence."

"I'm barely noticeable."

"Well, then could you tell that to those annoying photographers?"

* * *

325\. Pharos

"We have to go." Sylvia stood up so suddenly Dorothy – who had been half-asleep – nearly fell off her seat. "We must warn Relena before it's too late!"

"Warn her of _what_?" the longer haired woman did not bother hiding her irritation.

"That her future husband's dangerous."

Dorothy sighed exasperated. "Trust me, dear. She _knows _he's dangerous."

Sylvia looked confused, almost desolate. "I don't understand why she's marrying such a man…"

"Why? Because deep down she is just as heartless and dangerous as he is."

"She's the one who spilled wine on your dress, isn't she?"

"Let's not talk about that."

* * *

326\. Escapist

Heero was trying very hard to pretend he wasn't the centre of a hundred people's attention when a hand landed on his shoulder. He nearly jumped out of his skin. "If you wish to escape… Now's the time." Duo whispered in his ear.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and counted down from 10. "Next time you scare me like that I'll put a bullet through your brain."

"No, you won't. 'Cause next time I scare ya' you'll be married to Ms. No Violence." He studied the groom's reaction. "There's still time ya' know…"

"For what?"

"To escape."

* * *

327\. Insentient

"It's almost time." Lucrezia informed him unnecessarily. She seemed excited. "Are you alright?"

Milliardo raised an eyebrow at her before turning back to the aisle. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Relena's your younger sister, the only family you have left and, in a way, she's leaving you today."

"Is she?" he asked as if he were completely oblivious.

Lucrezia knew better. "Or we could think about this as expanding the family instead."

"Yuy's a criminal. Not family. The only reason I stand by this madness is because I was coerced."

She squeezed his hand. "You know I'll never leave you, right?"

* * *

328\. Welter

Quatre sat on the bed and Relena at the vanity. She had left a mess in her wake, especially when she had ordered her teddy bears brought in to calm her. It seemed to have worked, but he still worried… He had never seen her so stressed before. "Are you ready?"

She let out a deep breath and smiled. "Yes."

"Are you sure you want to go in alone?"

"I'm alright, Quatre." She reassured him. "I'm myself again. Go on. I'll be right there."

"Five minutes." He warned her. "Everyone's waiting."

"Okay, okay."

"I'll come back if you don't show."

* * *

329\. Pellucid

She paused at the beginning of the aisle, bouquet in hand, and – as the music started playing – she took a deep breath. A part of her had feared he would've fled, but he was right there, waiting for her at the end. Their eyes met and it was as if time had suddenly stopped. He could see right through her and she could see right through him.

"It's alright." His voice whispered in her head. "We'll make this work."

Relena smiled. When he talked like that there was no way she could not believe him. "We will make it work."

* * *

**A.N.: **Thank you all so much for the support! It seems we're finally reaching the end of this story... Can you believe it's been nearly a year since it started? O.o


	48. Soap Opera

**_XLVIII. _****_Soap Opera_**

* * *

330\. Facetious

"It still feels like a joke…" Trowa leaned against a column by Heero's table and took a sip of his drink. "You getting married."

The other man smirked. "I know."

"I guess the joke's on your _brother-in-law_."

Heero could've cringed at the title, but he sipped his own drink instead. "Zechs won't be kept in the dark for long."

"What are you going to tell him?"

"That she had a natural miscarriage. It's quite common during the first trimester and Relena would've been somewhere near that."

"You really did your homework."

"Hn."

"I am sure Zechs would find _that _funny."

* * *

331\. Ruffian

Sylvia was staring at her. No matter what Relena was doing it always felt like Sylvia was staring at her. That's why, when the flow of guests finally brought them together, she simply had to ask. "Is everything alright?"

"Why didn't you tell me you were marrying your bodyguard? And since when do you even have one?"

"It's been _years_… He's just good at being invisible." Relena lied.

"I _know_." Sylvia nodded vehemently. "Dorothy's told me _everything_."

"She…has?"

"Yes… I never thought you'd marry a ninja."

Someone cleared their throat behind her. "Who's a ninja?"

Sylvia paled visibly. "No one."

* * *

332\. Ampoule

Dorothy turned the little vial around in her hands and smiled widely. She _would _congratulate Relena on her wedding, but that wasn't _all _she was going to do.

"What's that?" Quatre asked sitting back down beside her.

"What's what?" she feigned confusion, hiding the vial behind her.

"That little bottle you were staring at."

"You know those bottle-shaped chocolates? With liquor inside? I bought Relena a box."

"Are you sure?" he questioned, suspicious yet patient. "Because it looked a lot like it was made of glass…"

"Of course, I'm sure!" she sounded offended. "What you saw was just the wrapping!"

* * *

333\. Driblet

Dorothy waited until Relena was distracted enough to seize her glass and empty the vial into it. She was walking away with a smug smile when someone grabbed her by the arm and dragged her further away. Seconds later, an angry looking Milliardo Peacecraft was staring down at her.

"What did you think you were doing?" he questioned her. "My sister's pregnant!"

"Pregnant…" Dorothy snorted before she realised who she was talking to. Milliardo stared at her.

"My sister's not pregnant?" he asked.

"Sure, she is. I'm just not sure Heero Yuy's the father. Knowing Relena… It could be anyone."

* * *

334\. Going-over

Heero was at the opposite side of the room when he saw Zechs seize Relena by the arm and drag her away from the party. He barely registered his interlocutor's protests as he took off.

"You're not pregnant?" he heard the question as soon as he reached them. He could sense Relena's panic as clearly as if it were his own.

"No, she's not." he couldn't stop himself from interrupting, he could not stand by and watch as Zechs tortured his wife.

"I lost it!" Relena cut in when her brother turned narrowed eyes to Heero. "I lost the child."

* * *

335\. Abattoir

There was a moment of heavy silence and Heero was just about to turn off his defences when his nemesis spoke. "Are you telling the truth?" Zechs gave his sister a wide-eyed look. "Because if you weren't you'd be murdering an imaginary child just to fool me." Relena's whole face slackened in a second. "You always _were _easy to trick, Relena." Her brother informed her.

Heero sighed.

"I'm sorry." She whispered when he reached her.

"Don't worry about it." He squeezed her shoulder reassuringly before meeting Zechs' gaze. His life was in the man's hands. "What will you do now?"

* * *

336\. Incognizant

Those seconds between Heero's question and Milliardo's answer seemed to crawl by. Relena took the hand her now-husband had forgotten on her shoulder and squeezed it until it pained them both.

"I'll…" her brother started, pausing to clear his throat. "I'll pretend this never happened."

Relena gasped both surprised and relieved. When she finally found the voice to thank him, he was already on his way out. "Milliardo." She called, making him pause at the door.

"I just want you to be happy, little sister." He smiled resignedly at her over one shoulder.

She beamed at him. "I will be."

* * *

**A.N.: **Happy holidays, everyone! And thank you! :)


	49. My Enemy's Enemy

**_XLIX. _****_My Enemy's Enemy_**

* * *

337\. Rigmarole

When Mrs. Berkley started telling yet another story. Dorothy downed the remainder of her drink in one go and gestured the waiter for another. The night had been looking quite promising until Milliardo had spoiled her plans of drugging the bride… and then she had returned to her table to find a decrepit old lady talking Quatre's ear off. But the worst part was… He seemed to be enjoying her nonsensical ramblings.

Dorothy couldn't understand.

"Have you congratulated Relena yet?" he asked her suddenly.

She'd meant to do it once Relena'd been drugged… The reminder just made her night worse.

* * *

338\. Prodigal

"Ms. Relena?" the bride turned around to find a flushed, slightly tipsy Dorothy standing a couple metres away. "There's no need to flaunt your exotic looking spouse, your perfectly white dress, your ridiculously pretty decorations or high quality liquor on my face! You win! _This time_… You win."

"What she meant to say is 'congratulations'." Quatre joined them, smiling widely. "I fear she had a little too much 'high quality liquor'…"

Relena smiled. "Thank you, Dorothy, and sorry for spilling wine on your dress."

"Aww… That was nothing." Dorothy dismissed the apology sympathetically. "I told your brother you weren't pregnant."

* * *

339\. Concomitant

Heero held Relena by the arm just as Quatre held Dorothy. The bride glared at her nemesis who returned the gesture wholeheartedly. She had never approved of violence or seen it as a viable option when dialogue was an alternative, but – at that moment – she wanted nothing more than to yank Dorothy's ridiculously long hair off her selfish little head. Relena could clearly see the other woman was anxious to do the same to her.

"Can you shoot?" she finally asked.

It took Dorothy a moment to overcome her surprise. "At you? Anytime."

"Seems we'll have a contest after all…"

* * *

340\. Lachrymator

"Would you do me a favour?"

Quatre twisted his neck , nose bumping on Dorothy's. Her blinking eyes were so close he could see nothing else. "Uh… I'm not gonna like this favour, am I?"

"Please?" she managed to push her face even closer to his. He was sure soon they would defy the laws of physics and occupy the same space at the same time.

"Dorothy…" Quatre was prepared to deny her when her eyes teared up. He knew they were fake tears, but still… "Fine." He sighed his defeat.

"Put this in Relena's drink."

"What is it?"

"Secret."

* * *

341\. Patrolman

Dorothy smiled smugly when Milliardo walked by. He had been keeping an eye on her ever since he'd caught her red-handed, but he would never suspect Quatre. The blonde was just too innocent… An ace in her sleeve. She couldn't love him more.

Once the purgative took effect Relena's honeymoon would have to be postponed _and _Dorothy would win the contest. She would kill two birds with one stone.

There was only one problem…

Though she had assured Quatre there was nothing dangerous in the little pill she gave him, could she really trust him to do it? Would he?

* * *

342\. Lyceum

"I believe this belongs to you."

Dorothy stopped browsing through the guns available to her and turned around to find an apologetic looking Quatre securely held by a narrow-eyed Milliardo Peacecraft. "And why would you believe such a thing?" she asked horrified.

"Haven't you learned not to underestimate me?"

"Oh, but I'd never underestimate the Great Milliardo." Dorothy touched her chest as if wounded. "How has Mr. Winner wronged you? Let me make it up to you."

"Hey!" Quatre protested frowning.

"You know very well how _you _have wronged me." Milliardo's eyes narrowed further. "Stop trying to drug my sister."

* * *

343\. Artistry

"Your brother's the most annoying meddler _ever_!" Dorothy complained when the contest was about to start. Heero, Quatre and Trowa went quiet as the bride's eyes widened.

"I know!" Relena said genuinely surprised that she had agreed with her rival. "A real dictator!"

"A control-freak." Dorothy added, relieved that someone was listening to her complaints _and _agreeing with her. Relena nodded vehemently. "We should team up against him."

"I've spent my life perfecting the art of disconcerting him." The bride smiled brightly.

And as the two walked away chatting excitedly the men were left to stare dumbfounded at their backs.

* * *

**A.N.: **Nothing like a common enemy to unite old rivals, huh? XD


	50. Equilibrium

**_L. _****_Equilibrium_**

* * *

344\. Samizdat

"So these are all your guns?"

Heero couldn't help but feel uncomfortable with Relena standing in the middle of his secret walk-in closet. This was the closest anyone had ever gotten to him… The _real _him.

"Yes." He confirmed, though he had expected to be showing her a different kind of gun… It was their wedding night.

"If the police found these…"

"They are all legal weapons."

"With illegal purposes."

"Not anymore." He assured her. "Thanks to you."

"I turned your life upside down, didn't I?" she smiled saucily.

He blinked thoughtfully at her. "I'd rather say you saved it."

* * *

345\. Medley

Dorothy and Quatre were the only ones left, swaying slowly to the sound of their own hummed song as the cleaning crew started doing their dirty business.

"Did you enjoy the party?" he asked her quietly, smiling contently.

"I caught the bouquet… What do you think?"

Quatre chuckled. "I guess I'll have to marry you now…" he mock lamented.

"I know men who'd give their lives to marry me." She informed him haughtily. "Women too."

"Well…" his smile turned smug. "Then you don't really need me."

"Maybe not, but… You're the only one I _want_."

"I love you too, Dorothy."

* * *

346\. Buffoonery

"I can't believe we're talking about your brother… In bed."

Relena merely laughed at Heero's protest. "Oh, but you must admit it was a great idea."

"I admit nothing." He resisted, kissing her shoulder.

"Dorothy's really twisted…"

"Seems like Zechs's got a new enemy to worry about."

"Indeed." Relena kept giggling at the memory of their little joke.

"And I think you might be even more twisted than Dorothy." Heero informed her.

"Who would've thought you could be funny?" she teased.

"Hn." He leaned down to nibble at her neck. She might want to boast, but he wasn't done yet.

* * *

347\. Miscreant

"Are you happy for your sister?" Lucrezia sat in bed as Milliardo paced, ranting as he ripped the tie off his neck.

"That Dorothy…" he began again, ignoring his fiancée's attempt to change the subject. "Telling everyone Treize and I had an affair… Now I have to call a press conference to clarify the facts!"

"People like to make up stories about celebrities." She waved his concerns away. "Just bask in the publicity, feed the rumours and call people's attentions to what really matters… The family's charity work."

Milliardo couldn't believe he had heard her right. "You're worse than Catalonia."

* * *

348\. Valance

Relena admired the curtains she had just installed while Heero watched from the doorway, their luggage around his feet. One night and the apartment already looked less like 'his' and more like 'theirs'. He was surprised to realise he welcomed the change.

"Come on, Relena, or we'll miss our flight."

She finally turned around, smiling brightly at him. "Thanks for letting me redecorate." She said and hugged him.

"Thanks for letting me keep the flat." He tightened his arm around her as he looked up at the curtains.

"It feels like home already." Relena mused softly.

"Hn." Heero agreed wholeheartedly.

* * *

349\. Coagulate

"A martini, please." Catherine asked the bartender.

Trowa just waved the man away. "What are we doing here?"

"Weddings make me feel lonely." She said simply. "Is Duo coming?"

"Didn't you know? He met someone at the party. They left together."

She accepted her drink with a nod and sighed. "Then we're all that's left?"

"Actually…" he cleared his throat, avoiding her angry stare. "I have a date tomorrow."

"Who is she?"

"A friend of Relena's."

"Another socialite?" Trowa said nothing. "Where are you taking her?"

"I don't know."

"Why not bring her over? I'd like to make her bleed."

* * *

350\. Inalienable

Relena watched the rain fall outside. At times it seemed surreal how much her life had changed in the course of a few months. She had made new friends, discovered how much her brother cared for her, become allies with her oldest enemy…

"Here." Heero handed her a mug of coffee. She took it with a wide smile and watched him settle down beside her. Relena had fallen in love and saved a man's life. "What?"

"You know…" she took a reinvigorating sip. "I wouldn't trade this for anything."

He pushed her hair gently away from her eyes and kissed her.

* * *

**A.N.:** I guess this story will never have a _real _end, an end that _feels _like an end... Because "life goes on". That's why I've decided to end it here. I am, however, giving my top 3 reviewers (_Guest _– I'm guessing there's only 1 person who's been reviewing under that name XD, _dootadoot _and _Fer82_) the opportunity of telling me which characters they'd like to read a little more of. That means 3 bonus chapters for this story. \o/That's all I can do to repay your amazing support! Thank you so much to all of you who reviewed, favourited and/or added this little crazy piece to your alerts, knowing you're there is what keeps me going. :)


	51. BCI - Trowa's Date

**_Bonus Chapter I. _****_Trowa's Date_**

* * *

1\. Inductive

Catherine's eyes narrowed. The girl, who had introduced herself as Sylvia Noventa, fidgeted uncomfortably in front of her, holding her purse in both hands and staring sheepishly at her feet.

"Uh…" she started awkwardly. Catherine's eyebrow twitched. "Maybe I shouldn't have come."

Trowa met his sister's eye over Sylvia's shoulder, and the auburn haired woman sighed. "Nonsense!" she said extending an inviting arm towards the other woman. "Did Trowa tell you I am a knife thrower?"

"I must _truly _be bothering you!" Sylvia waved her hands apologetically, but Catherine refused to let her go.

"Not at all! Not… at… all…"

* * *

2\. Millenium

Sylvia sat quietly sipping her tea while Trowa explained to her what they did at the circus. Catherine watched carefully. The other woman sat cross-legged, her cup held gingerly in both hands and her back ramrod straight. Her tone was low and soft and her words polished until they shone...

Not in a million years would she allow her brother to date someone like that! And what if they got married? People would start comparing her to Sylvia and she would be forced to change her ways in order to be less of a tomboy and more of a lady.

* * *

3\. Valediction

Trowa glanced sideways at Sylvia as they walked around the circus. He had sort of ruined their date by following Catherine's advice, but he had lost his _Dating Guide and Tips _book… And he had had no clue where to take her…

He prepared to be ditched.

"I'm so glad you work at the circus _and _have an overprotective sister." She said suddenly smiling sheepishly.

Trowa was so shocked he froze where he stood, forcing her to turn around. "When Relena introduced you as Heero's best friend I thought you'd be… Well…"

"Creepy?" he offered.

"Less normal." She said instead.

* * *

4\. Sawhorse

Sylvia pushed herself onto the pommel horse, blushing when Trowa helped her. Despite being home-schooled and working at a circus, he was quite a gentleman.

"So this is where you practice?" she glanced around curiously. This was a separate, smaller tent than the one where the actual performances took place, but to her it looked immense.

"I rather practice at the main tent." He commented. "It's usually quieter there during the day and there are no trapezes here."

"You're a trapeze artist?" Sylvia's eyes sparkled.

"I'm the fill-in. My main numbers are with the lions. The actual lion… and Catherine."

* * *

5\. Diluent

"So you'd like to see our number." Catherine smiled slyly as she approached, throwing one of her knives up before catching it again.

Sylvia fought the urge to close her eyes. The auburn haired woman could lose a finger! "Please, no!" she begged when she realised Trowa was going to be the target.

"Oh, relax!" Catherine soothed her genuinely amused. "He'll be fine."

"But what if you hit him?"

"I haven't hit him in years." She waved her hand dismissively.

"But what if you did?" Sylvia insisted.

"Then he'd get a little maimed is all. Don't worry. I'm the best!"

* * *

6\. Mickle

"Is she awake yet?"

In the darkness, Sylvia heard voices.

"God, Catherine… You said this was a _good_ idea." A distressed male voice said. "You said she would like it."

"I said she would _like _it. I never said she would _survive _it." The man said nothing to that and there was a moment of silence. "Is this enough water?"

"Water? What are you going to do with water?"

"Why… Wake her up, of course!" she paused. "Is this enough?"

"This is too much! Are you trying to drown her?"

Sylvia hurriedly forced her eyes open.

"It worked!" Catherine beamed.

* * *

7\. Beatitude

Catherine waited a moment to approach her brother. He sighed wearily as he watched Sylvia drive away. "So…" she started hesitantly. "What did she say?"

"She said… She said she was sorry, that it was a lovely evening, but she had had enough."

"Really?! I wonder why that is…"

Trowa met her thoughtful look with a sceptical emotionless one, but immediately let it go. "She wasn't the one anyways."

"Huh?" Catherine didn't understand his sudden light heartedness.

"Are you happy?" he asked her, genuinely interested.

"For ruining your date?"

He shook his head amused. "Let's go back to the tent."

* * *

**A.N.: **When Trowa told Catherine he had a date I figured it had to be someone from the wedding and who better than Sylvia? I don't know what you had expected _dootadoot_, _Fer82_, but I hope it was an entertaining date anyways. XD Next week: Milliardo and Lucrezia realise they have the house all to themselves...


	52. BCII - Home Alone

**_Bonus Chapter II. _****_Home Alone_**

* * *

1\. Hostelry

Milliardo sat at his desk nervously tapping his foot as he planned his speech. The one that would prove he and Treize were no more than business partners.

"You know…" Lucrezia started, standing at the doorway.

He didn't raise his eyes from the blank page he'd been glaring at. "What?"

"Relena doesn't live here anymore."

"Yes…" he agreed distractedly. "She married the manslayer."

"Milliardo…" she insisted still standing at the threshold. "We are _alone_."

"We are." He pushed down his annoyance. Why couldn't his speech write itself?

Lucrezia sighed, walking up to him. "No…"

"Relena. I get it."

"…clothes."

"Oh…"

* * *

2\. Culinary

"It's not like we never had a romantic dinner when Relena was around, but this just feels… Different." Lucrezia commented as she took her seat across him at the candlelit table. "Besides I asked the cook to make us something Relena would've never eaten."

"And what is it?" he asked raising an eyebrow at the still covered platter.

"It's…" she lifted the lid excitedly and froze.

"I'm not eating that." He informed her, fighting the urge to wrinkle his nose.

"Don't be such a child." She admonished, readying a forkful. "It can't be _that _bad."

"So?"

Lucrezia blinked back tears.

* * *

3\. Arboretum

Lucrezia took a deep revitalizing breath of fresh air. "We certainly don't enjoy this garden enough." She commented as they sat outside having some tea. Milliardo didn't answer. "You're still working on that speech?"

He had long given up on frowning at the paper and decided to scowl instead. "It's an important speech."

"Yes, but how hard is it really? 'Treize and I are not, have never been and will never be lovers. Good night.'."

"I do _not _sound like that _and_ that's hardly convincing."

"Isn't it enough that _we _know the truth?"

He blinked at her. "No, it's not."

* * *

4\. Sound

"Must you turn the volume that high?" Milliardo appeared at the doorway more amused than annoyed. "You're acting like a teenager."

Lucrezia could only smile sassily at him from the couch where she lied, her feet up on the armrest. "I _feel _like a teenager." She said, waving towards the armchair nearest to her. "Won't you join me?"

He did, the smallest of smiles on his lips. "I've figured out what to do about Treize."

"Have you?" she turned down the volume.

"There's no need for speeches… It's actually quite simple." He met her eyes. "Let's elope. Like teenagers, right?"

* * *

5\. Tyro

"We can do it right here. There's no one to see us and it will be cheap."

"Milliardo… Don't think I'll let you do to our wedding what you did to Relena's." Lucrezia informed him patiently.

"Noin." He eyed her seriously, using her surname to make sure she was paying attention. "I know you're new at this wedding planning thing, but I will make sure we have the perfect wedding so don't worry."

She stared blankly at him for a moment before walking away. "I'll book us a trip to Vegas. If we're eloping, we have to do it right."

* * *

6\. Pogonip

"Don't tell me you wish to get married in Vegas. That's hardly romantic." Milliardo frowned doubtfully at her.

"Where else would you go? And 'here' is _not _an option." Lucrezia gave him the I'm-not-kidding look.

"I want a wedding that is just the two of us. Even though I do also want it to fix Dorothy's mess. Relena denied this to _her _fiancé… Are you so cold as to deny it to yours?"

She sighed. How could she argue with him? He was a diplomat after all… "So where do you suggest we go?"

"Somewhere isolated… A mountain? Maybe Siberia?"

* * *

7\. Salient

Lucrezia need only glance through the window of the chalet to know their private wedding was no longer a secret. Milliardo was a prominent figure and – in a way – so was herself. They must have been dreaming when they thought the press wouldn't follow them across the globe…

"What can I do?" her fiancé shrugged innocently.

"You called them here, didn't you?"

"Someone needs to spread the news."

"Well…" she mused. "At least we _are _getting married… _Finally_."

"You think Relena will be upset?"

"That we didn't tell her personally? She's on her honeymoon."

"Please, don't remind me with whom."

* * *

**A.N.: **If you're home alone, be careful not to end up married... Unless you actually want to. XD This was _Fer82_'s request... Hope you enjoyed it, mate. :) Next week: Heero and Relena resume working on their dream-flat...


	53. Homemaking

**_Bonus Chapter III. _****_Homemaking_**

* * *

1\. Apex

The twin step-ladder wobbled dangerously. It took Heero two seconds to kick the door shut, drop his keys on the counter _and _grab the thing. Relena seemed completely unaware of the fact that she'd nearly just died.

"You're home!" she beamed down at him.

"And just in time…" he mumbled, still wondering how she could be so oblivious.

"Actually, you're early." She reproached him good-humouredly. "I wanted to surprise you."

With her broken head? He asked himself, but did look up at the luminaire she was installing. "Hn."

"What do you think?"

"I think I should be early more often."

* * *

2\. Teem

Relena came and went many times and Heero remained there standing in front of the closet, staring. "Everything alright?" she finally asked, halting at the doorway.

"You have a lot of clothes." He said thoughtfully.

She could barely see his things smothered as they were between hers. Should she tell him she hadn't brought over half her things yet? "Ah… Sorry?"

"We should turn the secret room into a closet."

"Oh, no!" she had not meant for him to sacrifice so much…

"I want to."

"Then I'll get rid of a few teddies too!"

She figured it was only fair.

* * *

3\. Instigate

Relena missed her bed. She loved her new home and her new life, but she really missed her bed… Not the hand-carved white-painted wood or the delicate baby-pink details. No. Just the queen sized ultra-plush hybrid mattress.

"How I miss it…" she sighed. "Heero?"

"Hn." He was completely focused on dusting underneath their _current_ bed.

"How do you feel about bringing my bed over?"

Heero frowned. "Your bed's pink."

"No, it's not! It's _white _with pink."

"Hn…"

"You know… If we had my bed we could…" she whispered her wildest fantasies in his ear.

He cleared his throat. "Mission accepted."

* * *

4\. Abdicate

It was hard… giving up control.

"Let me do that for you." He offered politely, taking over – not for the first time – the task of organizing the kitchen cabinets.

"You're a control freak." She dutifully informed him, a loving smile on her lips as she cocked her head at him. "I think it's cute."

It was _not _cute. The utensils they used most had to be placed closer at hand than the ones they didn't. It was only logical. "It's practical."

"I know it is. So… May I help?"

He nodded automatically. His love for her he would never control.

* * *

5\. Dexterous

"It's so perfect…" Relena whispered leaning over his shoulder with awe in her eyes.

Heero looked down at the teddy bear he had been mending for her. She had said it was one of her favourites and had seemed genuinely upset it had gotten damaged…

"It's just a teddy bear." he frowned.

"No. Your _stitching_."

"Hn."

"You could never be a zombie. Not with that coordination. I'm so relieved."

He blinked at her because he really didn't know what to say to that.

_I'm afraid they don't have brains here though… _He remembered her saying… And it suddenly made sense.

* * *

6\. Wassail

It was dark. Heero made his way to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. Or would have, if he had not tripped on a cardboard box.

"Did you just swear?" Relena was at the doorway in two seconds sharp, eyes wide.

He blinked at the sudden lights. At least she wasn't surprised he had tripped. He _was _human after all…

"What's in this box?" he asked, massaging his toes.

"Christmas decorations…"

"Chris…tmas?"

"Yes. I brought a few things from Milliardo's. I figured we could celebrate here next year."

Celebrating holidays… In his flat… It was definitely _theirs _now.

* * *

7\. Indolent

The alarm rang at exactly 7 AM. Relena groaned. She didn't understand why he had to be up so early every day. "Not yet…" her arms tightened around him as she buried her face in his neck feeling sleepy and childish.

"Relena…"

"It's Sunday."

"Yes…" he conceded. "But there's still a lot to organize."

"We could hire someone to do it." She refused to give in. He sighed. "How about Duo? I'm sure he'll be up to it."

Relena didn't have to see his scowl. She could _feel _it.

"He's snoopy… and lazy."

"Not lazier than I'm feeling right now."

* * *

**A.N.: **So this is it, ladies and gentlemen. I know some of you would've like to have seen more Dorothy and Quatre. I know they probably deserved a bonus chapter too, but life is starting to get chaotic in my little corner of the world. Put that one on my tab, eh? XD I do owe you as much for all the support you've given me. It's been a year since I started this... Thank you all so much! You're also a part of this story! :D


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